Monday, January 11, 2010

I'm Busy; Leave Me Alone

Why do people insist on making dating difficult? Case in point:

Today, I received a call similar to on I have recieved in the past; this time from a friend of my mother. We'll call her Miriam (because that's her name).* Miriam wanted to set me up with someone. Here's the problem. I am currently seeing someone. However, like most conversations go when this arises, Miriam still wanted to listen to her sales pitch that she so thoughtfully rehearsed prior to calling me.

Does this need to happen? Isn't dating complicated enough that we don't need to add the "what if?" factor to every single (no pun intended) attempt a person makes at finding a spouse. I propose a new rule: If someone actually dating someone else, no shidduch attempt shall be made.

Oh, and another thing that is not appreciated is the awkward closing line: "Oh, well good luck and I really do hope it works out, but if it doesn't, I'm next."

No. You're not. There is no next. Don't expect me to have you in mind, so that if this doesn't work out, I will immediately call you to say "I'm ready." I don't write these things down. I don't keep track. I'm not available until further notice.

And don't pretend that you want whatever is going on in my dating life to work out. You don't. You hope it fails so I can go out with the girl you have for me. She's perfect for me. You KNOW so. Whoever I am currently going out with is wrong for me. Why? She's not the girl you had in mind.

I have no idea why people think I owe something to them to the point that I have to go out with the girl they want me to. People will get offended if I go out with someone before I came to them to tell them that I was available. This is especially true at weddings, where everyone from the father of the kallah to the cousin of the maitre d** has "the perfect girl" for me. They know. They've known me for all of 17 minutes. But they know.

*Just kidding. I would never tell you her real name to protect her identity. Plus, it's Rachel.


  1. I've some similar experiences, but I usually tell the pushier people that I really can't hear anything at that moment. I haven't had anyone demand to be next, though.

    Do you only get offers while busy? My issue as of late has been that whenever I end up being available again, I call the several people who had suggestions, and then only one really gets back to me at a timely rate. As soon as I finish arranging a first date - everyone else calls back right away (oftentimes that very afternoon or night). I've had to turn the same people away several times already... and I feel a bit bad for them (and their suggestion).

  2. Actually, I never remember who gave me a suggestion while I'm busy. If it happens that someone calls me while I'm busy, I tell them that I won't remember to call them later.