Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Out-of-towners

Why do Out-of-towners hate New York? What is it about this area that drives people batty? I mean, look at all of the good things we have to offer:

We are the city that never sleeps
We are the home of the largest Jewish population outside of Israel
We are the largest city in the United States (both in area and population)
We are the home to Spiderman
It is so convenient to live here that you don't need to own a car or even have a driver's license
Our mayor's name is known throughout the country (and more commonly than most governors)

I could go on for a while about what makes this city great, but my question is why are we hated? As far as I can tell, there are three possible reasons:

1) The Attitude - OK, I'll admit it, New Yorkers have this "I'm better than you" attitude, but come on, we are. And even if we weren't, that is only a handful of us. Most of us think that out-of-towners may be somewhat as good as we are. That's not our fault. I mean, look at us compared to you. We are just better. We don't waste time "getting to know" a neighbor or "making friends" or being social" or "being nice." we spend time with what's important, like our own families (sometimes) or our jobs (most of the time) or learning (twice a week if it fits our schedules). We know we're better than you are, and it's time you realize it.

2) You're Jealous - I know, it's tough to be on the outside looking in. We realize that where ever you are from can't live up to our great city. I mean, you love to hate us, right? You like to root against our always-competitive sports teams,* you like to take apart our convenient subways and love to mention that we have waaaaaaaay too many shuls and Yeshivas. This is all because you wish that you had these things. You want to live in a place that can afford these luxuries. Well, denial time is over. Come over to our side. Join us and finally be the citizen you've always dreamed of being.

3) Just Because - This is the most cowardly reason of all. You don't have a reason to hate New York, you just do. Just like you hate Michael Jackson's music because it's cool to hate him, or picked on Josh Raskin in fourth grade, just because everyone else was doing it. You don't have an identity, so you're creating one for yourself by hating just to hate. Pathetic.

4) I know I said three, but I'm a New Yorker and the rules don't apply to me. I could do whatever I want, whenever I want, especially on my own blog, and none of you Out-o-townies can do anything to stop me. See, I can even mispell words and not care about well grammar or run-on-sentences why? Because I'm a New Yorker and I said so.

I hope I've clarified a few things for you.

*except the Knicks, we've ostracized them

10 comments:

  1. Haha, at least you're a proud NY :) I have met many self-hating NYers, which is pretty interesting because they have a LOT to say on the subject.

    From an actual oot's perspective the funniest thing for me is when people find out that I have never been to NY (aside from being in JFK and La Guardia and that really doesn't count). Most people seem shocked (OMG, you mean you've never really been to NY?!) and then everybody has to share their opinion about it, whether they love it or hate it and why.

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  2. I would say that every "pro" reason is actually an argument against NY.

    Also, you do NOT want to start me on this rant.

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  3. Personally I love NY but there are parts that are awful like the traffic, smell, brooklyn, taxis, bike riders. I could see myself living in a Lawrence type neighborhood where you actually have some personal space and some clean air, I don't know how people live in Brooklyn though, it's disgusting.

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  4. I agree with Ezzie on this one.

    There are actual reasons why NY does not merit nearly as much bashing as it gets, but as this was a jokey post, you did not write about them. But there are! I promise!

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  5. Did someone just bash Brooklyn?? I LOVE Brooklyn!

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  6. Sorry Mystery Woman, I can't stand Brooklyn. It's dirty, dangerous and I don't know of any other place in American that you can witness as many jews acting like jerks. I seriously don't understand the appeal.

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  7. I agree with Ezzie - you have yet to list a single positive reason why anyone would want to make NY a long-term place to live.

    Your public transportation is an utter nuisance compared to a smaller city where I can get in my car and drive a large distance in a reasonable amount of time. And guess what - little to no traffic, even at rush hour (how does a 5-minute long delay at the busiest intersection sound?)

    Having a bazillion shuls leads to politics and fights - who needs that? We have one shul, one Rav, and it's great to be very unified as a community.

    For city size - bigger does NOT equal better. I'd rather have a smaller city, with less gashmius, greater ruchniyus, where everyone knows each other and considers most neighbors/fellow shul goers like family.

    Sports teams don't make any city great. It's a sometimes fun form of entertainment, but why would I want to live anywhere because of a sports team? That's at the bottom of my list of reasons to consider any place home.

    New Yorker's attitudes are SUCH a turn off. Living in a smaller community where everyone smiles, says hello, is courteous (even the cashiers at the grocery store will ask how your day was with genuine interest), and generally friendly makes life wonderful.

    Lastly, dig this: http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-12-18-happiest-states_N.htm?csp=usat.me NY dead last in the states of the union for happiness rating.

    Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE YU, but I can't stand New York.

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  8. Go NY (except Brooklyn - sorry, MW, but BJG is right)!

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  9. Really, Shades of Gray? You think small shuls can't have their own politics and in-fighting and stupidity?

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  10. Hey, don't mess with brooklyn!

    Juggy, this post is hilarious.

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