Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Are guys supposed to have resumes?

I think we need to first deal with whether or not girls are supposed to have resumes.
Short answer- no.
Long answer- not really.

There has never been an instance when I have responded to a shidduch (in the affirmative or the negatory- look it up) based on a resume. In fact, most of the girls I have gone out with haven't had resumes, and I thought nothing of it. There is barely any information on resumes that isn't mentioned by the shadchan.

But what about references?
1) I don't call references. Shhhhh. It's a secret. I never bother with the people placed down on a resume. I will usually only call one person, and that is a person who is connected to both myself and the potential girl (well, she is already a girl), so potential wife? (no, that's to forward), potential girlfriend? (I hate that word), potential significant other? (alright, but only becaus i have nothing else). OK, so I call someone connected to both of us and ask them one question: "Do you see it?" If the answer is yes, we have a date (at least on my end). If not, we still may have a date. It depends on the reason.

That's it. I get most of the information from a shadchan and if there's more to be said, I'll let the girl say it for herself. Girls do not need a resume.

So here's what it comes down to: What's the point of a resume? Well, I guess it's a handy piece of paper for the shadchan to have. It kinda lets him or her know just what is going on in the guy's/girl's life. That's a plus. So in terms of that, I don't usually take suggestions from people who don't know me. It's weird. You have no connection to me other than the time you saw me davening Mincha and thought "that's a good guy." You have no clue about anything I associate myself with. Don't make these weird attempts. So basically, I will only take a shidduch from someone who already understands a little bit about me. There goes that reason.

The only other reason I see to have a resume is for one's self. I have something I right down about myself (who I am, what I'm looking for, etc.) never to be viewed by others. If you are writing a resume for this reason, there is no need to publicize it. It's for your own good. Nobody else need read it.

The question I hate most that I've seen on various resume templates is "Briefly describe your hashkafa in the space given." My response is: "I cannot fully explain my hashkafa in the space given. Talk to me."

Resumes mean nothing. Not for guys, not for girls. DOWN WITH RESUMES!


  1. As a parent of kids in shidduchim, I love the fact that girls have resumes. I've even gotten one or two from guys, and I wish more of them would have one. There's nothing on it that you can't get from the shadchan, but it's all organized and written down for you, and just...practical.

  2. It's understandable that you want to get set up by people that know you and the girl, I think most guys feel the same way. Hopefully that will work for you but the problem is that for some of us sticking to that rule wouldn't get us very many dates, especially if we want a girl from a different city. If you're going to accept suggestions from people who don't know you that well, having a resume can only help you.