Sunday, February 28, 2010

Reflections of a Purim

I'm not an overly-emotional guy. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I also don't mask emotions. I don't have the same expression on my face whether I'm happy, sad angry, etc. I find a happy medium. If there's something that I need to talk about, I will find someone with whom I can talk about it.

This Purim proved to be one of those times when I felt outwardly upset. By just looking at me, people could know there was something wrong. It all started on Motzei Shabbos when I continued my long-standing Purim tradition of going Yeshiva-hopping at night, starting with my own Yeshiva. Due to the fact that I have been out of Yeshiva for a year and a half, I really had nothing to do with the guys who are there now. There were a few still left who were now in a S'micha program but that was it. I felt out of place in a place that I had classically considered to be a home.

I went to two more Yeshivas where I became a part of drunken dancing, and watched a shpiel that I barely understood. Although I hate drunken dancing and shpiels never seem to be funny (even if you get all of the jokes), I felt that I should be a part of it all. It was then that I came to my realization of missing it. I still have my friends. I am still part of a group of people. I just miss the camaraderie that is only available in a Yeshiva setting. I don't have that now and I don't know if I will ever have it again.

Walking around, delivering Mishloach Manos and seeing all of the young families with themes did not help either. They were part of a group to a different extent. They had a closely-knit family and were proud to show it. I'm not saying that my family isn't closely-knit, we just never do things like that. It's We don't do themes and such. All of this combined (of course) to remind me that I'm still single.

I generally consider myself to be a happy person that people can always rely on to brighten a mood. I don't like being in this kind of a funk. It's just too difficult to ignore sometimes. Right now is one of those times.

Friday, February 26, 2010

I'm Dreaming of a White...Purim?

I'm dreaming of a white Purim
Unlike the ones I've ever known
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear drunkard's snowballs thrown

I'm dreaming of a white Purim
With every bottle that I drink
May your Purim cause you to think
About this song when you barf into the sink

I'm dreaming of a white Purim
With every bottle that I drink
May your Purim cause you to think
About this song when you barf into the sink

Go-to Places

I understand that most people have a "go-to" first date item. For girls, many have a go-to first date outfit. Guys might have a go-to first date place. I've mentioned before that my go-to first date place is Barnes and Noble/Starbucks. Although I am curious what other "go-to items" people might have, that isn't the main part of this post.

I would imagine that the further along we go (in number of dates), there would be less and less people having go-to items for those dates. In other words, fewer guys would have a go-to third date place than guys who would have a go-to second date place. My issue is that I have been on a fourth date with seven girls, so by now I have a go-to first, second, third and fourth date place.

Do I think this is weird? I'm glad I asked. Of course I think this is weird. Why else would I be writing this? I just don't like to give up on things. I have a problem saying to myself that something (major) bothers me and therefore I have to give up on whoever the girl is. I feel like there is always a way to work around it, and it takes me a while to realize that there are some things that are just irreconcilable.

Before I got into dating, a friend pointed out that I will have the opposite problem that most guys face/ Most guys tend to give up on something way too early. I, on the other hand, will wait way too long to give up on something that I should have given up on a long time before. He was right. I have this problem and it is just as big a problem for the guys who give up too soon; they both have major "am I making the right decision?" problems.

I guess this is why I have the go-to fourth date place. I can't help but allowing a large amount of my dates to get to that point.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Rabbi Heckler

The Rabbi Heckler is a staple of every Young Israel . There is always one guy who has to pick out the one thing in the Rabbi's speach that disagrees with something he has always known to be true (although he has no reliable source to back it up). He must speak up (usually in front of the entire congragation) and make it known that he knows a thing ar two about this particular topic.

The Rabbi will often answer him by telling the RH to speak with him privately, so as not to embarrass him publically. There are Rabbi Hecklers who go over to the Rabbi privately by themselves. They generally save their burning questions for when the Rabbi is done with his sermon. These are more difficult to spot, particularly due to their timing. The only time they are known to others is when those others have a shayla they need to ask the Rav and have to stand beside the RH until he is done with his ramblings.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Every once in a while I will have small ramblings on the English language. This is one of those times.

Why is there no contraction for 'am not?' If you think about it, it just makes sense. I have no specific need for it, but every other word that can have the word 'not' following it has a contraction for it:


These are just off the top of my head. It just seems so easy to do. It should be amn't. As I typed that, my spell check underlined it and I felt sad. I don't know about you, but I amn't going to stand for this anymore. I say we embrace the contraction! I won't back down. You shouldn't either. Join me in my struggle!

Now is the time!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Modern Boy (A Parody)

For those of you who know a thing or three about Chofetz Chaim, this is a song written by a few of the bachorim in the Queens branch (A.K.A. "The Mothership"). For those of you who don't know anything about it, you may want to start learning for the sake of understanding this song. If I get permission, I will at some point post the names of the writers. The song is written to the tune of "Country Boy" by Abie Rottenberg.

I was raised in a modern home where to college we would go
How I came to Chofetz Chaim's something no one seems to know
I played Game Boy in Tif Mo, my Dad ate Hershey's bars
Each year we'd fly the blue and white on the fifth day of Iyar

My folks werem't happy that I came to this school,
They feared I'd sit and branch forever, against their college rule.
I grew into a man with my unproductive life,
But I'd have to wait 'till 24 before looking for a wife.

I was a modern boy around the Chofetz Chaim way,
Learning slow, hocking hard, mussar every day.
Never gave much thought to becoming brainwashed by what I saw
Wouldn't trade my way of life for a rich father-in-law.

One night in the attic in an old and dusty crate,
I found great grandpa's diary. 'Till dawn i read it straight.
Turns out he came from Europe back in 1923,
The star talmud to my surprise of the Slabodka dynasty

I showed it to my parent. They said "son, yes it's true."
But it's just ancient history; don't let it trouble you.
First thing that our grandpa did when he set foot on this land
Was throw out all his neckties, and from Chofetz Chaim he was banned.

I was a modern boy around the Chofetz Chaim way,
Learning slow, hocking hard, mussar every day.
Never gave much thought to becoming brainwashed by what I saw
Wouldn't trade my way of life for a rich father-in-law.

I was more than taken back, my thoughts out of control,
I said, "I have to know more," put my college plans on hold.
I drove up to Chofetz Chaim, told some Rabbi what I knew,
He said, "Please let me teach you the only way to be a Jew."

He taught me about Mussar and the Shmuessin - 613
And how we don't need white shirts if we keep the blue ones clean.
Day after day he'd pressure me, "go to Dallas, I know you can,"
He seemed so thrilled when I said, "I guess I'll change the way I am."

They all came out to great me, the Roshei Yeshiva and their crew.
Happy that I came back, and that I liked hocking, too.
They said, "Bochur, while you were in college, we had no doubt,
That we'd buy you a yeshivish car the day that you dropped out."

We each have moments in our lives that show G-d's providence.
Mostly we just shrug 'em off as a mere coincidence.
But when I went to get new plates down at the DMV,
The license plate they gave me read G-E-T-J-O-B.

I'm still a modern boy, but now my life's a dream come true.
I study Torah while in college in a place known as YU.
I'm glad I wasn't/ brainwashed by what I saw
Wouldn't trade my PhD for a rich father-in-law

February 10, 2010

I haven't been able to find the song on line anywhere. If anybody can find it and send a link, I'd be glad to post it here.

Update: Here's the original song. Thanks to Son of a Posek

Shana Rishobia

Son of A Posek came out with his version of what Bad4 has been complaining about for quite a while now. However, this is from the side of the married person. We all know that married people fall off the face of the earth, but this post might do a semi-decent job of explaining why they disappear. If they have to spend this much time explaining why what they just said is not offensive, they will never have time to step outside the house, but that's just the price you pay for Shalom Bayis.

On a separate note, I have no idea how this will translate into a problem for me, what with my disability and all. This may end up beiing a real problem for me, but as of now, I don't have to worry about it. I wonder what else I'll have to worry about in the future. Any warnings from married people?

Monday, February 22, 2010

Cats and Dogs

I know I've already weighed in on the Tiger Woods thing, but there is one more thing that bothered me over the weekend. Why don't people protest Tiger being allowed back into the PGA Tour like people protested Michael Vick being allowed back in? Why isn't there some sort of ethics committee in this country that won't stand for someone like this being in the limelight. He did wrong. He should not be allowed to play.

It makes just about as much sense as the Vick thing. Both had nothing to do with his sport. Both did not take the thoughts and considerations of others into account. In fact, there are many people (myself included) who believe that what Woods did was far worse than what Vick did. So why isn't there a committee that protests? Because nobody who actually cares about this type of thing cares enough to create a protest.

Friday, February 19, 2010


Let me start off by saying that I don't care what Tiger Woods did. I don't care about his private life. I don't care about his character. I don't care about his wife. This is not about any of that. This post is dedicated to the downfall of American Media (yes, I know that happened many times before, but this is a whole new level).

My issue is that something as unimportant as Tiger's promiscuity can overtake the airwaves for an entire day. Every and I mean EVERY station (AM radio and TV) had the press conference on. It got as much press coverage as THE PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS TO THE NATION! That defines insanity. The only thing anyone should be caring about in this situation is when Tiger is coming back to the tour. He didn't even address it. He said that he will eventually return but he can't be sure when that will be. I don't care about anything else.

Another thing that irked me is the fact that he was able to demand just who heard the speech live and in person. Once you do something that you need to apologize publicly for, you lose your right to determine who is allowed entrance to your press conferences. He had members of the media who weren't invited to be there live stationed in a hotel ball room OVER A MILE AWAY FROM THE CONFERENCE. They should have just stayed home. Tiger Woods has lost his social status and should not warrant this type of treatment.

The bottom line is this: An issue that is normally left for TMZ has infiltrated ABC, CBS, ESPN and CNN. This cannot stand. In a time where the Olympics are going on, the last thing I want to hear about in the sports world is this. It is truly sad.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

People in the Young Israel/Yigdal Spotter

As a Gabbai, I have begun to notice that many shuls tend to have the same types of people in them. More often than not, these people will be in a Young Israel or a Young-Israel-type shul. After much deliberation with myself, I have decided that Thursdays on this blog will be devoted to people in the Young Israel.

How do you know if your shul is a Young Israel? Well, unlike one may think, it actually has nothing to do with the name of the shul. I have been to many shuls that I would consider to be Young Israels despite not having the words "Young Israel in the title. Likewise, I have been to certain shuls called "Young Israel of ______" that don't classify as Young Israels. The way to tell if a certain shul is a Young Israel is by seeing if your shul contains many of the people mentioned here.

Today's person is (as the title suggests) the Yigdal Spotter.

For those of you fortunate enough to be in shul on a Friday night to hear Yigdal (assuming your shul sings Yigdal), you will be serenaded by boy aged 9-12 who may or may not know how to sing. What you also may be aware of is the person standing next to him. This can be a middle aged man, a boy who has recently reached bar-mitzvah age and had to retire or even the gabbai. He does nothing but stand next to the young chazan.

I have no theories as to why someone like this needs to exist. If someone can offer light on the situation, please let me know. It's just something I've noticed in more than one Young Israel.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

OK, Now it has Gone too Far

It's no secret amongst my friends that I hate texting. It is only good for a situation that requires a maximum of one text per side. One person asks a question, the other responds. That's it. For any other situation, make a call. A back and forth conversation of six texts per side could have been handled in a twenty second phone conversation.

Having said this, I am proud to announce that I have added a new reason to hate texting. It is due to its use in the shidduch field. I am of course referring to a text I received fairly recently, which I will quote as soon as I can get the phone out of my pocket...there:

"Are you single?"

This was followed the next day by:

"I gotta girl for you" (Why are there two t's in gotta?)

Both of these texts were ignored. Why? Well aside from the fact that I usually ignore texts that will require a long conversation, this one was completely thoughtless. There is no response I could have given that would not have turned into a longer conversation.

If I answered "yes," then the conversation would have been all about this girl and why she's good for me, etc. If I answered "no," then I go into a conversation about the girl I am currently dating and "if I'm at any point not busy, I should let him know." So I thought I'd outsmart him by responding to his third text with "leave me alone."

This worked like a charm. He stopped bothering me, he stopped asking me questions and most importantly he stopped texting me. Of course, if you believe this, you have the IQ of a soup crouton. This sparked a ruckus which I cannot describe in words (although I must say that he did an outstanding job of doing so quite colorfully). I had apparently offended him, but I didn't care because he offended me by trying to set me up via text.

I'm not against communicating by text messaging. There is a time and a place for it. The only reason one might have for texting as opposed to talking is because they don't want to have an actual long, physical conversation with another person. If this was the case here, I don't think I want to be set up by a guy who doesn't want to talk to me.

Like I said before, texting has a time and a place. Sidduchim is not one of them.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

10 Things I've Learned from Reading People's First Date Thoughts

10) Guys hate the drive over.
9) Girls hate putting on makeup.
8) The only time people ever think about how to use the bathroom is on a date.
7) There is an endless supply of awkward moments on first dates.
6) Number 6 removed because it went against dating protocol.
5) Nobody knows what to do at the end of a first date.
4) No girl has ever dated a guy who can drive.
3) The general reaction following a first date is "whew, I'm glad THAT'S over."
2) I seem to have a better time on my first dates than most people.
1) Everyone is shallow. No exceptions.

A Guy's Thoughts on a First Date

Bored Jewish Guy had an awesome post about a guy's thoughts leading up to and throughout a first date. He challenged girls to do it, which some have (Not Far From the Tree, (not) The Girl Next Door and Up the Beanstalk, and Bad4 has been updating the list of people who do it), but I think another guy's perspective may be necessary, so here goes.

The Preparation
Shaving and showering are obviously mandatory, along with teeth brushing. The only question is shaving during s'firah and the three weeks. (I'll save that for a different post). I don't spend a lot of time picking out clothes. I don't wear suits, nice pants and a button down shirt will do, and I read somewhere that girls base a lot of their judgment on the shoes, so I make sure to wear the brown shoes with the brown pants and the black shoes with the black or gray pants. Blue pants get tricky. I spend time going over directions and time. I despise relying on the GPS, so I check out google maps or hopstop (mapquest has never once steered me right) and check up directions to the house/apartment/dorm and to the destination (more on this later) from her place of residence.

The Drive to the Date
I usually listen to something mindless on the way. This could be a game or sports talk radio. I always make sure to leave it on a CD that I like so that when I start the car it gives me a chance to see if she recognizes it and it may give us something to talk about right off the bat. If I'm on a subway I'll take something with me. It could be my Zune (don't judge me), a book or even some school work which I need to finish. I always make sure to the best of my abilities to show up 5-10 minutes early and wait in the car or around the apartment building until I feel it safe to make it known that I am there. I don't want to seem too anxious or too confident.

The Meet
Out of the NUMBER CENSORED girls I have gone out with, only one lived with her parents, so I have little experience in the meeting the parents department. Usually, I will call the girl and let her know that I have arrived and wait patiently for her to come down. There seems to be a problem with the Stern elevators and it always takes approximately the length of the Roosevelt administration for her to come down, but I wait it out. As is the case with most of the girls I have dated, I know what she looks like (either from a previous encounter or a picture) so I usually know what to look for. The first words will always be awkward. I will usually say something stupid (like usual) like "shall we?" and we're off.

The Trip
My car is very date-unfriendly. It has no remote or keyhole on the passenger side. Opening the door is decided for me. I can't do it. It's not possible. The only option is leaving the car unlocked, but I live in New York. This is not going to happen. I unlock the door from my side and hope she doesn't hate me. I usually come prepared with two or three (sometimes four) options. The first question is always "are you hungry?" If they answer "yes, " we need to decide on milchigs or fleishigs. If they answer "no," I use my two "go to" places. I hate lounges. they are dark and weird. I usually will go to a Barnes and Noble/Starbucks in the winter. this way, if the conversation ever gets dull, you can walk around and look at the books. There will always be some topic I feel confident talking about. In the summer, I like going to the Staten Island Ferry. Girls love this place. Many have never been on it and have possibly never been on a boat at all (plus it's free). However, these two answers are never the case and we will usually discuss our hunger patterns in semi-intricate details until we decide that we're not hungry or maybe we are. Anyway, it's time to start the car. Music comes on- works like a charm. I let it play for 3-5 seconds and BOOM, instant conversation. Musical tastes dominate the rest of the ride.

The Date
I don't usually have trouble finding a topic of conversation. Both go to places have conversations built into them. Barnes and Noble has books and the ferry has the scenery. Dinner dates are easy as well. If all else fails, you can talk about the restaurant or other people there. Cafe K is a great place to play "count the dates" (record is 14). I also like to gather information that might help me come up with a second date (usually an activity). I try to see if one of the things mentioned can be turned into a date and make note of it. I don't worry about excusing myself to the bathroom or asking a waitress for some napkins or ketchup. I just do whatever comes to me.

The Dropoff
It's always difficult talking more in the car once you spent the whole night talking, but there is always more music to talk about. Sometimes I'll let her choose a CD and we can listen to something on a really low volume while we talk. If it is a song she likes, she might interject with commentary here and there. I will always, ALWAYS get out of the car and walk her to the door. Once or twice I have been offered to come in for a drink. I will always refuse. This is classically the most awkward moment every time. I will always go back through a shadchan after a first date. Saying goodnight can sometimes take longer than it should and often end with Michael Kaye's "see ya." I turn and she closes the door. End of date.

The Decision
It's usually not difficult. Did I have a good time? Were there any outstanding issues (completely different directions, looks, personality problems)? Based on these answers, I make my decision. Only twice did I not go out a second time. In other words, there needs to be a glaring reason not to go out again.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Thrift Store

With Purim rapidly approaching, I took my annual trip to the thrift store with my friends to see if we could liven up our holiday wardrobe. As always, it was awkward shopping there with people who were using the store to purchase clothing that they would wear on a day-to-day basis.

The only time a can remember being a similar situation is my brother asking me to borrow my gray suit to wear as a costume. I told him that I would be more than happy to lend the clothes I wore on a regular basis for him to use a s a costume. I even offered my hat as added bonus, which he accepted and added a giant feather. I really need to work on my sarcasm.

Anyway, my friend, MC, learned a valuable lesson. Here it is:

If the lady in the thrift store asks you if you payed for the jacket you're wearing, and you haven't picked a jacket off the rack since you walked in, it may be time to change your wardrobe.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Scouter

Over Shabbos, I attended a function. I can't tell you what exactly, but let it be known that there were many people in a fairly closed environment. As is the case with any of these events, there was the mandatory middle-aged woman (Scouter) checking out the field of potential single guys for any single girls they might know. Being that this was an event that included mostly guys, it was easy to pick out the Scouter.

I was there with my friend, K-Vis, who has many good qualities about him, two important ones for this context are a good voice and a good direction in life. As I observed the Scouter begin her search, I immediately knew she would be coming after us and I was right. It was then that I made the bold decision to not get involved in the conversation.

"So," began the Scouter. "What do you boys do?"

We replied with our schooling and field of work.

"Very nice," she continued. "And you-" she gestured towards K-Vis. "Such a beautiful voice."

"Thank you," replied K-Vis, getting ready to feel uncomfortable.

"So, are you dating?"

"Yes, but I'm busy," replied K-Vis, figuring that was the best way to get out of the conversation (also because it was true). It wasn't the best way. The Scouter began her prying but K-Vis wasn't giving in, and when she was satisfied that she wasn't getting any more information, she turned to me.

"And are you dating?"


And that was it. No "you're not ready?" No "let me know what you may be looking for in the future." That was it. I was proud of myself. Champion of the night. Now I didn't have to worry about this Scouter and was free to set my mind to how to deal with the next one.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Can We Leave Yet?

6:26 Arrive in class in time to get the seat that I like- back row and to the left of the teacher
6:28 Have all of my notes and writing utensils ready to go
6:30 Last of the on-time students file in and take their seats
6:32 No sign of the professor; students begin to take out work from other classes
6:37 Students begin to get excited; "the question" enters everyone's mind
6:38 Some guy mentions that "the question" has entered everyone's mind
6:39 Students forget they have any work to do and begin idle chatter
6:40 One girl asks if anyone knows what time we would be allowed to leave
6:41 Countdown is on
6:44 Students make a pact that they will leave if everyone leaves
6:45 Students begin to file out
6:47 Everyone has left but three students
6:50 Those students leave, too
7:15 Get home to find email saying that class was canceled tonight- sent at 1:32 pm

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Society Rules

I don't know if it's just me, but I am a little tired of society telling me what I can and cannot do. I'm not talking about those things that would make us clinically abnormal, just the things that the modern Jewish orthodox world tells me that i can't and therefore don't do.

Case in point: Some time ago, I dated a girl who I had a lot in common with, but after over a month of dating, we both agreed that we didn't see the relationship going anywhere. We became pretty close during that time and reached the point where we called or texted (mostly calling-I HATE texting) just about every day.

In the end, there was nothing doing, and we decided to go our separate ways, but here is where society comes into play. I would have liked to maintain a friendship with this girl because she really was the type of person I feel very comfortable around. However, our society dictates that I can have nothing to do with her now. I can't hang out with girls. She can't hang out with guys. So even though we have such a good time together, and enjoy each other's company, we will rarely come into contact with one another.

What makes it even more obvious is what happened on the night after we broke up: we ended up at the same wedding. i mentioned this to a friend of mine with whom I had been sitting and he went on to explain how it was awkward, and I tried to explain that it really wasn't awkward because of how we left it. In fact, i would be completely comfortable with going over and talking to her right then and she would have been comfortable doing the same with me. But because there's a mechitza separating us, we can't. Society won't allow for it.

Additionally, there is a good chance that she is reading this right now and smiling because she a) knows it's true and b) realizes that someone wrote a story about her. many people who read this are saying "What? How could you let her know that you have a blog and then write about her?" I say, who cares? Society cares. And that's just the point. I don't care. She doesn't care. You shouldn't care either. It's just the way we're conditioned, and frankly, I don't like it.

I'm not an anarchist, but every time something like this from society bugs me, it pushes me more towards it.

Around the Dinner Table

Me: If I were thrown out of my high school, where would I have gone?
Imma: If you were thrown out of high school I would have beaten you.
Abba: You would have probably gone to the hospital.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

At Least We're not Cleveland

OK. I was going over this list and trying to see what New York sports went through just for some comparison. There is none. Cleveland fans have by far and away seem to be more pitiful than New York fans, but here's a list anyway:

1939: Lou Gehrig diagnosed with his own disease
1940: Ranger's management burns the mortgage of Madison Square Garden in the Stanley Cup, sparking a 54-year long curse
1952: Wilt Chamberlain drops 100 points on the Knicks
1957: Giants and Dodgers move to California
1962: Mets finish 40-120, the most losses in the modern-day game.
1971: Mets trade Nolan Ryan to the California Angels for Jim Fergosi
1972: Billy Martin and the "Bronx Zoo"
1976: Nets sell Dr. J to 76ers for $3 million
1977: Mets trade Tom Seaver for trivia questions
1978: Miracle at the Meadow Lands
1979: Thurman Munson clips a tree with the wing of his plane
1981: George Steinbrenner benches Reggie Jackson in the World Series. The Yankees loose the series and Jackson.
1985: George Steinbrenner insults Dave Winfield and Ken Griffey in the same sentence; Winfield enters the Hall of fame as a Padre, Ken Griffey Jr. promisses to never sign with the Yanks
1993: Anthony Young highlights the Mets' season by setting the consecutive game loosing streak
1994: Rich Kotite
1995: The Ewing finger roll
1999: Knicks pass on hometown star Ron Artest in favor of poster-boy, Frederic Weis
2000: Giants forget that the Superbowl is, in fact, a game and forget to come
2000: Clemens vs. Piazza
2002: Latrell Spreewell forgets to tell the Knicks that he broke his hand punching a wall on his yacht
2003: Karim Garcia and Jeff Nelson vs. Fenway Groundskeeper
2003: Knicks sign Isiah Thomas following his stellar job running the CBA and the Pacers
2004: Mets Trade Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano
2004: Yankees up 3-0 in ALCS, loose to Red Sox in 7; Sox go on to break 84 year old curse
2006: Tiki Barber vs. Eli manning and Jeremy Shockey vs. Tom Coughlin
2006: Islanders sign Rick DiPietro to a 15 year deal, forgetting that hockey is a contact sport
2006: Yadier Molina
2006: Cory Lidle flies his plane into an apartment building
2007: Mets Collapse
2007: Spygate
2008: Mets Collapse II
2008: Brett Favre
2009: Mets' payroll exceeds $143 million, finish the season 70-92
2010: Nets start the season 0-18, currently 4-47.

Tragic Deaths: Therman Munson, Loe Gehrig, Cory Lidle

I'd like to hear about other town's sports misery. Tell me about it. It'll make me feel better.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Superbowl Review

Dear NFL, thank you.

Thank you for a very solid Superbowl
Thank you for the game
Thank you for the Colts
Thank you for the Saints
For Peyton Manning
For Drew Brees
Thank you for the Who
For "Who Are You?"
For "Baba Oreilly"
For "Won't get Fooled Again"
Thank you for the referees
For Jim Nantz and Phil Simms
For not mentioning Kim Kardashian and Archie Manning more than once.
Thank you for the story lines
For the backdrop of Hurricane Katrina and the city on New Orleans
For the two players from Haiti (Pierre Garcon and Jonathan Vilma)
Thank you for the commercials
For Bud Light
For Etrade
For Dave, Oprah and Jay
For Barney
For Doritos
For Bridgestone
For Intel
For Punxsutawny Polamalu
Thank you for keeping them (for the most part) clean
(we could have done without all the underwear and the hot tubs)
Thank you for a compelling game
Not the greatest game ever
But fun to watch
Thank you for an interception
For the on-sides kick
For the best instant replay in history
For a one-handed sack
Thank you for ending before 10:00 pm
(Listen up baseball)
Thank you for being the best spectator event in the world.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Get with the Program, My Generation

We always make fun of older people not being able to relate to things we have now. A classic example of this is how far along the way music is played has come. Whether it be CDs, the iPod, or now even the iPad, music advances with every generation. My father won't listen to the music I listen to, just like his father won't listen to my father's music and I won't listen to my eventual son's eventual music. Why?

Well, for the most part, we like what we are used to. For a society that is based on advancing technology and better ways of doing things, we tend to complain when we are introduced to something that we deem to be more complicated when all we would have to do is take the time to learn how to use the technology and see how much better it is. This is why many people are still using Windows XP. People don't like change. It's just a fact.

However, I was under the impression that this was only when it came to people much older than I am. For instance, a person I know who is well into middle age refuses to learn how to operate a computer because "what for?" Someone I know who is considered to be a senior citizen still can't get a handle on a CD player and longs for the days of cassettes. This impression is not true anymore. It is reaching people of my generation.

I know this because of facebook. How? Because I read people's statuses and I hear them complaining:

"Another change, facebook? Why!"

"Why must facebook make it so difficult for me to like it?"

(and my personal favorite) "I had just gotten used to the old format."

Wake up people. You constantly complain about the older generation "not getting it." I have news for you. YOU ARE THEM! Stop complaining about changes in technology. Upgrade to Windows 7. Embrace the new facebook. Try the iPad out. There are multimillion dollar studies done to see if the public will go for these things. They will. You will be left in the dust. Get with the program now because you are aging faster than you think.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Football Ramblings

OK, I was debating posting this, but here goes. For those of you following the NFL this year, there was a little bit of controversy regarding the Indianapolis Colts. The Colts had the opportunity to win every single game this season and come out with a perfect record, a feat that has only been accomplished by one other team in history (a team which nobody likes due to their arrogance). Instead, the Colts decided to rest their players instead of going for the undefeated season. They ended up losing the final two games of the season (games which were winnable) and having their players rested for the playoffs.

Enough of the background. In a recent conversation with a friend (we'll call him Johan), I was informed that he will be rooting for the Saints in the Superbowl this year because of what the Colts did. After pointing out that this is stupid, he explained why he was doing this:

1) A team is required to entertain its fans. They pay good money to come see their team play hard (even if they don't win) and by playing their backups, the Colts failed their team.

2) If you have the chance to become one of the all-time greatest teams in history, you are almost required by the league to go for it (especially to overthrow a team like the '72 Dolphins).

These are dumb points.

First of all, a team is not required to entertain its fans. They are required to put a competitive team on the field. The goal at the beginning of every season is to win the Superbowl. They should do whatever they think is necessary to win a championship. If resting their players was how they thought they could achieve that, then let them do it that way. Nobody wants to go 18-1 and have the 1 be in the Superbowl.

Secondly, they do not owe anything to the fans of the NFL. They are not required to make history. They are required to win, or else loose their jobs. The Colts have done the most consistent job of putting a winning team on the field (they have won at least 12 games in each of the last 345 seasons) and are contenders every year. You lowly NFL fan do not have the right to question them.

I was going to root for the Saints in the Superbowl. I always want to see the underdog win if I have no rooting interest in the game, but because of Johan (I knew I'd need to come back to that name), I feel like I should be rooting for the Colts. They deserve it based on strategy alone.

Update: Sorry, This was the real song I wanted to post:

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Things I've Learned from "24" Without Having Ever Seen an Episode

1) Jack Bauer is tough.

2) You can never be 100% sure who you can trust.

3) Sometimes you have no choice but to trust someone because they have the power (no matter how much you don't want him to)

4) Despite the fact that CTU is supposedly a highly secretive government agency, they find themselves with a lot of security risks.

5) There is always a mole.

6) The mole is always a double agent.

7) Jack will always be willing to fight terrorism no matter how many times he claims to retire.

8) Life can always be viewed from multiple angles.

9)Anything you can do, Jack can do better.

10) Even when the good guy dies, he gets a spot on another show and loads of commercials.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Plight of the Insurance Companies

So as I was waiting on line at my college bookstore to purchase a book I didn't want to buy for a class I didn't need to take at a time I don't want to take it about a subject I don't really care about, I came to realize the idiocy of corporation policies.

I know what you're thinking, corporations have idiotic policies? No way! My answer to this is to tell you to climb back into your seat and calm down. Yes, corporations have some dumb policies. In this case I am referring to (drum role, please) insurance companies (music, please). "Haha," you answer! We all know insurance companies have no idiotic policies! Well, I am here to tell you that you are wrong, and here's why:

Step 1: In order to be under my parents medical insurance, I need to be a full time student.

Step 2: In order to be a full time student, I need to take at least twelve credits

Step 3: In order to be taking twelve credits, I must take at least two classes that I don't need.

Step 4: I am taking two classes that I don't need.

To sum it up: I get insurance because I pretend to need to learn things that I don't want to know, nor will I ever need or want. It's legal insurance fraud. Insurance companies are stupid.

Monday, February 1, 2010

My Current Dilemma

Whenever I enter a class for the first time in a semester, I first try to figure out what type of class it is. Is it one where I will be doing a lot of self-studying? Will I have to attend every class? How much does attendance count? I do this to see the minimum effort I have to put in in order to get an A.

This does not make me lazy, Woman Shaking Her Head In Discuss At The Way The Younger Generation Turned Out. This makes me practical. I want to do well. I just want to conserve as much energy as possible while doing it. There is no reason to go above and beyond the call of an A.

This gets me back to my dilemma. I have entered a class where I have a choice. I can either attend the classes, pay attention and take notes and come away with the A, or I can read the book at home and come in for the tests. The professor cares not, as long as I am there for the tests.

Here are the issues:
1) I am not a good independent- studier. I hate reading text books.
2) Staying at home and reading the book will save me approximately three hours a week.
3) I fear dolphins.

Ok, so only the first two are issues pertaining to my dilemma, but the third one is an issue that i have to deal with, so it is an issue. But you should ignore it.