Sunday, February 28, 2010

Reflections of a Purim

I'm not an overly-emotional guy. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I also don't mask emotions. I don't have the same expression on my face whether I'm happy, sad angry, etc. I find a happy medium. If there's something that I need to talk about, I will find someone with whom I can talk about it.

This Purim proved to be one of those times when I felt outwardly upset. By just looking at me, people could know there was something wrong. It all started on Motzei Shabbos when I continued my long-standing Purim tradition of going Yeshiva-hopping at night, starting with my own Yeshiva. Due to the fact that I have been out of Yeshiva for a year and a half, I really had nothing to do with the guys who are there now. There were a few still left who were now in a S'micha program but that was it. I felt out of place in a place that I had classically considered to be a home.

I went to two more Yeshivas where I became a part of drunken dancing, and watched a shpiel that I barely understood. Although I hate drunken dancing and shpiels never seem to be funny (even if you get all of the jokes), I felt that I should be a part of it all. It was then that I came to my realization of missing it. I still have my friends. I am still part of a group of people. I just miss the camaraderie that is only available in a Yeshiva setting. I don't have that now and I don't know if I will ever have it again.

Walking around, delivering Mishloach Manos and seeing all of the young families with themes did not help either. They were part of a group to a different extent. They had a closely-knit family and were proud to show it. I'm not saying that my family isn't closely-knit, we just never do things like that. It's not...us. We don't do themes and such. All of this combined (of course) to remind me that I'm still single.

I generally consider myself to be a happy person that people can always rely on to brighten a mood. I don't like being in this kind of a funk. It's just too difficult to ignore sometimes. Right now is one of those times.

16 comments:

  1. Feel better, man! You're part of klal yisrael!

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  3. Sorry Jug, b"H you won't feel this way next Purim when you're married, and people will be coming to your house! :)

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  4. I'm not in love with the Heights, but for something like Purim, it was kind of nice. The majority of people at Mt. Sinai are not married, and the shul Purim party felt kind of like we were all in the same college or something. That's one nice thing about living here - you do feel like you're part of a community of people made up of people like you.

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  5. Feel better! Hopefully, you won't feel like this next year!

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  6. Erachet- I feel like that's the type of Purim I need; spending it with a lot of people that aren't necessarily like me, but are in a similar situation.

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  7. I know what you mean. My family was never like that. Something that I always loved. I felt the same way you felt the past couple years (to a lesser extent as I work in a Yeshiva). B"H this year it's my first year as a married man and was able to do a theme. We did Starbucks - really cool. And as Sefardi Gal said - IY"H you wont have this issue next Purim.

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  8. My married friends tell me Purim gets much better once you're married (maybe not for guys as much, but definitely for girls).

    I didn't know guys had feelings, too! JK.

    -Chan

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  9. Chan- I guess I'll have to wait until then to see. Oh, and i know you were kidding, but if you want to see that guys have feelings, just read Bored Jewish Guy.

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  11. I agree also, Purim, even while in YU can be a bit depressing at times - I'm never a fan of the drunken mob scene. The past few years I've gotten together with friends and did a group costume theme, that way we always had a handful of guys to hang out with together - and it made a big difference.

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  12. BJG- yeah; get used to it.
    Shades- I'm ok with the drunken mob scene. I just enjoy watching it. It's just nice in your case not to have to rely on it. But you ARE still part of a Yeshiva.

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  14. What about the Seudah you were at? :)

    (Honestly.)

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  15. For the most part, the seudah was fine. I stepped out for a little, though. I needed a break.

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