Thursday, February 11, 2010

Society Rules

I don't know if it's just me, but I am a little tired of society telling me what I can and cannot do. I'm not talking about those things that would make us clinically abnormal, just the things that the modern Jewish orthodox world tells me that i can't and therefore don't do.

Case in point: Some time ago, I dated a girl who I had a lot in common with, but after over a month of dating, we both agreed that we didn't see the relationship going anywhere. We became pretty close during that time and reached the point where we called or texted (mostly calling-I HATE texting) just about every day.

In the end, there was nothing doing, and we decided to go our separate ways, but here is where society comes into play. I would have liked to maintain a friendship with this girl because she really was the type of person I feel very comfortable around. However, our society dictates that I can have nothing to do with her now. I can't hang out with girls. She can't hang out with guys. So even though we have such a good time together, and enjoy each other's company, we will rarely come into contact with one another.

What makes it even more obvious is what happened on the night after we broke up: we ended up at the same wedding. i mentioned this to a friend of mine with whom I had been sitting and he went on to explain how it was awkward, and I tried to explain that it really wasn't awkward because of how we left it. In fact, i would be completely comfortable with going over and talking to her right then and she would have been comfortable doing the same with me. But because there's a mechitza separating us, we can't. Society won't allow for it.

Additionally, there is a good chance that she is reading this right now and smiling because she a) knows it's true and b) realizes that someone wrote a story about her. many people who read this are saying "What? How could you let her know that you have a blog and then write about her?" I say, who cares? Society cares. And that's just the point. I don't care. She doesn't care. You shouldn't care either. It's just the way we're conditioned, and frankly, I don't like it.

I'm not an anarchist, but every time something like this from society bugs me, it pushes me more towards it.


  1. Huh? Just do what you want. What's going to happen?

  2. I agree with Ezzie, you can do what ever you want (as long as she agrees), screw society, only you can really know what's right for you.

  3. Sure, being buddies with girls sounds okay in theory, but you can see how that can get complicated.

    Take my cousin who was "friends" with her eventual husband for nearly ten years. Or the divorcee who has decided that her buddy from before her dead marriage is now marriage material (he's a cohen).

    Whatever Freudian reasons for these sort of arrangements, I cannot say.

    Just maybe you should wait until you are both married and then double date. Providing your spouses don't mind the inside jokes.

  4. Yeah, but waiting until we're both married could be a while. Why should we have to wait until then?