Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Candymen

That's right, today's "Person in the Young Israel" is actually more than one person. It is two. They are our friends, the Candymen. Now, in most Young Israels, there are two Candymen.

The first one has probably been in the shul since the fall of the Ottoman Empire, but is still visited by free-candy-seeking children. He usually will give out something small like a lollipop or a stick of gum. It's nothing special and children seem to go to him just to keep him happy. They do this in hopes that one day, one glorious day, this Candyman will change his his ways and get with the program set up by the second Candyman.

Candyman number two is a mother's wost nightmare. He will send children home with lemonheadeds, jaw breakers, licorice, now 'n laters, candy corn, gummy bears, hard candy, soft candy, candy that melts, candy that sticks to the sofas until Pesach. This Candyman is THE man. There was one such Candyman in the shul in which I grew up. He used to give out his candy portions based on how many alliyas you followed on Shabbos. Every kid would come up to him after davening and tell him what they followed inside. You would get one helping for every alliya, one for maftir, one for haftorah, one for Mussaf and two if you magically stayed in for the Rabbi's speech. I never did that, but Bar Mitzvahs were awesome because of the extra alliyas. This Candyman was so good that he put all others out of business. No one else dared to mess with him. I don't daven there anymore, but I still visit him when I go back to that shul.

By the way, the original version is much better and slightly less creepy.


  1. I know that candyman. HAHA

  2. The pedatrician is also like the candyman.

  3. I remember my candyman. He's awesome. He gave/gives the best candy (and to a select few, toys) ever. I still speak to him (and he still tries to give me candy). I honestly think that he's one of the nicest and happiest people that I know.

  4. Sefardi Gal- There is a good pediatrician and a bad pediatrician?

    wideyed- Candymen have to be happy. It would look terrible to give out candy with a frown.

  5. Jugs--Not necessarily. One guy took over for my candyman (voluntarily) when he was out of town, and he was terrifying. Big, tall, fat, unsmiling, deep-voiced, frowning kind of guy. We all went to get our gummy bears anyway.

  6. The candy man in my shul also happened to be the dentist. hhhhhmmmmmmm.....