It's kinda been on my mind of late.
It seems I don't have the time to do what I want anymore.
I used to be able to do things that I wanted. I guess I used to be in college where I had time to do things. What things? Well, I didn't realize what I could no longer do until some of my friends started doing things they wanted that I have no hope of doing in the foreseeable future. When will I be able to go to Israel? I'm no longer on a school-year schedule. I don't have a five week winter break. I don't have a summer vacation of two months.
Oh yeah. I am done with camp. While my brothers are already planning their summer vacation, I am having it just now hit me that I am not going back. I am working now.
This whole thing became most apparent when a friend of mine told me that he has a date set for the middle of the week at 4:00 pm. Do you know what I do at that time? The same thing most people do. Work. Who has a free minute at 4 in the afternoon?
But it's not just the big things. It's the things that shouldn't have to have time be made for. Things like a haircut need to be planned weeks in advance because that's the next time I have available to see the barber I like. I have tried other barbers lately and they were "meh" at best.
Here's the issue: I go to work every morning at 8:00. I have to get up at 7:00 for a minyan, earlier if I want to shower, shave, etc. Bottom line - I am unable to do anything until 7:00pm when I get home. I would like to learn and exercise* at least twice a week for at least an hour at a time, and oh yeah, eat every once in a while. By the time I collapse in my bed at night, I am exhausted and can't even imagine getting up in a few short hours. But I do. Just so I can do the whole thing over again.
By the way, did you happen to see what I left out of this whole equation? Erachet. That's right. Between my crazy schedule and her inhumane schedule, we see each other much less frequently than we used to. I got really jealous of my afternoon-dater friend when he told me that he doesn't want to postpone the date because the next time won't be until two days later.
Now I don't expect you to feel sorry for me. I don't even feel that sorry for me. It's tough; I know. Everyone has their things they need to deal with. Everyone has difficult schedules to balance. Actually, I am pretty certain that mine is about the norm. But it's new for me, and until I get used to it, I'll deal.
But here's the point. I can't be the same guy I used to be. I can't come out to grab a shawarma at 10:45 at night anymore. I can't hang out as much as I used to on the weekends now. Most of that time is being spent with someone else. I simply ask that as a courtesy to me, the next time you see me, don't greet me with the phrase "it's about time." You have no idea.
*No wonder people are fat. Who has time to be thin? Between working, learning, and spending time with people, who has time to eat anything that takes less time to make than opening a box of cookies?