Thursday, April 28, 2011

Attention Girls...

…and anyone else waking up at 3AM to watch the Royal Wedding. It is official! After years of searching, I have finally found a way to equate a girl’s excitement about something to a guy’s feeling about sports.

I am pretty much the average guy when it comes to following sports; I am not in any fantasy leagues, I watch football on Sundays when it doesn’t interfere with anything in my life and I go to about 5 sporting events a year. One thing that I never did is wake up at 3:30 in the morning to watch a game. When I was in Israel, I missed the World Series and watched about half of the Superbowl.

But I now realize that when girls ask “What is so interesting that needs to put everything else on hold?” what they are really asking is “Why don’t I have anything like that?”

The answer to that is that if you did, you would blow it further out of proportion than guys have done to the Superbowl. If there was an annual Royal Wedding that took place every April, it would become an international holiday. And just like a guy would drag his girlfriend/wife to a Superbowl party with the promise of social interaction, a girl would do the same to her boyfriend/husband with the promise of food. Only when the guy is dragged out of bed at some ungodly hour, giving into the prospect of an awesome breakfast that may include eggs, waffles and pancakes over his precious sleep, he is subjected to tea and biscuits! Everyone would come dressed as some member of royalty, and who knows? We could even have a mock wedding before the actual festivities. The only way guys would be able to deal with the event would be to make up betting lines on the wedding. Lines may include:

  • Length of first kiss
  • First person to cry
  • Number of people outside Westminster Abby
  • Length of Prince’s nose

And the argument that I absolutely do not want to hear anymore is “these athletes don’t care about you.” Because guess what, the Royal Family cares less about you. AND there is more of a chance of me meeting any Kansas City Royal, Sacramento King, Los Angeles King or even Prince Fielder than the chance of you meeting any member of the Royal family. So I have free reign to buy a jersey, because how many brides out there will try to model their dress after the new Princess’s?

And no, Erachet is not making me get up to watch the wedding, nor is sports something that we have yet to argue about. This is just an observation by someone who grew up not being allowed to watch TV on a school night unless there was some sort of major sporting event going on, and had to defend this to a sister who didn’t have anything similar to it. The complaint should not have been “why can he watch?” but “why don’t I have anything that I care about?”


  1. Good point.
    Just for the record, I'm not planning on watching it. Unless someone pays me...

  2. As a girl who is not planning on watching the royal wedding and has no interest in doing so, may I point out a rather large flaw in your logic?

    The royal wedding is a one-time event. You have no actual basis for asserting that were it a yearly event, it would become an international holiday. It is far more likely that were it a yearly event, it would garner much much less attention. A wedding is significant simply because it is (one hopes) a once-in-a-lifetime moment. I think your comparison falls flat.

    Nice try, though.

  3. Sophie - that's also a good point. There're tons of shows revolving around weddings...the bachelor, bachelorette, bridezillas, etc. Sure, there're women who watch them...but I doubt the # compares to the men who need watch sports daily/weekly.

  4. I agree with Sophie. This could be a once in a lifetime event to watch. And though I didn't get up to watch it live, I watched a reshowing this morning and it was AWESOME. And now it's done and that's it. Unlike with guys, who need to watch sports almost every night.

  5. I was going to write a point-by-point deconstruction of this ridiculously fallacious hypothesis, but decided not to dignify a presumptive, sexist and egocentric post like this with that much of my time.

  6. Another disinterested female here. I will not be watching any part of the royal wedding any time soon.

    Although you do present a cute argument, I completely disagree. I have yet to hear a cogent explanation as to why otherwise rational people enjoy following sports.

  7. Sophie - False. I do have basis for predicting what would happen if it turned into an annual event. It's called the Oscars. True, the Oscars are watched by both men and women, but who watches the specials on the dresses and the hair, etc.? It' ain't us. Also, I wasn't saying that the Prince should be getting married every year. I know a wedding should be a once in a lifetime event. I didn't know that I had to be so specific in exactly what I meant. I was referring to annual event involving this royal family; If they were to throw a party of this size every year, females would tune in the same way they would for the Red Carpet, only more so.

  8. Sefardi Gal and Erachet - Indeed there are men who watch sports almost every night, but there are also women who watch soap operas, Grey's Anatomy and other female oriented shows every day. In sports, the championships are the events that garner the most attention. So we can just look at this as the Superbowl of women's shows.

  9. MS - I generally feel the same way about girls who argue against guys with sports.

  10. lefty - There are many guys who are disinterested in sports; guys who don't even watch the World Series. You didn't mention any reason why what I said is inaccurate, and the reasons behind the appeal of sports were never discussed, much like the reasons behind any chick-flick, soap opera or the Royal Wedding.