Demosthenes Needs A Locke

Six Years Later

2011-09-04T13:56:00.004-04:00

Erachet introduced me to Bad4's Shidduch, the Musical concept. It is from a while ago, but that was before I started reading blogs. Now that I have some spare time, I decided to write a contribution. It is t.t.t.o Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns 'n Roses.

He's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of a date when I was 20
When everything

Was as fresh as a bright blue sky

Now I know when I see his face
I recall why it failed in the first place
But the night is still young

So I press on with a sigh

Woh, ooh, oh, sweet luck o’ mine
Woh, oh, oh, oh, dumb luck o’ mine

She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
And think of it, when I see those eyes,

I remember that night of pain

Her hair was done
Just in that same way
I said it looked nice – I lied

And prayed that the night would just
Slip away
Or quietly pass me by

Woah, oh, oh, oh, sweet luck o' mine
Woah, oh oh oh, dumb love o’ mine

Woah, oh, oh, oh, sweet luck o' mine
Woah, oh, oh, oh, dumb love of mine

Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go?

I just want to go.
I just want to go now
I just want to go

Where should we go?
(Dumb luck o’ mine)
Where should we go?

Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai

Where do we go now?

Where do we go?

Where do we go now?
Where do we go?

Where do we go now?

Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Now, now, now, now, now, now, now
Sweet Luck
Dumb Luuuuuuuu uuuuuuck o' mine

Observations

2011-07-11T21:08:00.004-04:00

Well, the craziness has died down from the wedding, and I finally have a second to post to my blog which has been kinda rare of late. I was thinking how life had changed since marriage, and I have compiled a list of things I have observed from the first two weeks of marriage. Here they are:

1) It’s gonna be a while before I start referring to it as “my parents’ house.”

2) “How’s married life” is a very annoying question. If you are married, you should know the answer; if not, well im yirtzah Hashem by you.

3) There is no such thing as “normal life.”

4) I get that it will take some time before I am used to the ring, but how long will it be before I stop playing with it?

5) It seems like the only way to get things done that need to be done is to be unemployed.

6) There are ALWAYS more boxes.

7) Kissing the talis strings by kriyas sh’ma is so much easier than getting your tzitzis strings ready.

8)As soon as Sheva B'rachos are over, nobody cares anymore

9) The people who used to say “wait until I you’re married” when I complained about not having time for anything now say “wait until you have kids.” (What do they say after the kids are born?)

10) How much longer until Bed Bath and Beyond installs a keilim mikveh?

Happy Wife = Happy Life

2011-05-13T16:38:00.002-04:00

So being an about-to-be-married individual (coupled (NPI) with the fact that it’s Sefira now), I have recently given a lot of time to listening to various shiurim on marriage. One that recently caught my attention was the first of a series of lectures given by Rabbi Aryeh Pamensky. In case you have never heard of him, he is not only well-known in the frum world, but in the secular world as well. His lecture series “Happy Wife = Happy Life” is attended by Jews and Gentiles alike all across America.

Without going too much into detail about this particular lecture, I would just like to point out one difference he states about men and women: women are relationship beings and men are not. When I initially heard this statement, I was a little startled. I know that I build my entire life around relationships. I have always thought that we are who we associate with. So it was always important for me to develop solid relationships.

So when I got the word that men simply aren’t relationship beings, I became confused. I brought into question all of the relationships that I already have. If they aren’t relationships, what are they? Who are these people whose company I have been enjoying?

Well, I am glad to say that the explanation did not end there. Rabbi Pamensky went on to tell a story regarding a group of couples to whom he had been lecturing. At one point he split the group into men and women and told them to describe the ideal mate. Ten minutes later, he brought them back and had one volunteer from each group come up. The man (Bob) allowed for the woman (Barbara) to go first. Before Rabbi Pamensky asked about the question at hand, he pointed at a woman in the audience and asked Barbara what the woman's name was, where she was from, how many kids she had, where they went to school, etc. To a stunned Bob (and presumably the rest of the male population in the room, Barbara was able to answer almost all of the questions.

The point is that before women get down to business, they develop relationships. If men are given a task, they do it. It all comes back to the fact that women are relationship beings and men are not.

“Well then,” I wondered. Who are all of these people that I have been spending time with? Until now, I had assumed that they were friends with whom I had deep meaningful relationships. However, I have just been told that I don’t have the capability to have such relationships. I am merely a Not.

Obviously, that was wrong. Men are allowed to have friends. However, the relationship between two men are vastly different than the relationship between two women. And I now know this based on what happens when people get engaged.

For both the guy and the girl, it is inevitable that they will begin to spend less time with their friends, and more time with each other. However, the reactions of the friends are different. As a guy, I know that it is expected that when a friend gets engaged, he is no longer as available as he once was, and I accept that. He has things to do in preparation for marriage, and a very special person with whom he needs to do those things. I get it.

However, girls’ reactions are much different. I can tell this just based on the various blog posts I have read from single girls. I read things like ‘it’s like she disappeared,’ or ‘I never get to see her anymore.’ And these girls are deeply saddened by these situations. In fact, they end up taking it personally. Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky once said “the difference between guys and girls is that two guys can sit on a couch for three hours, watching a football game not saying a single word to each other, and neither one will wonder if the other is angry at him.” Imagine if these girls, who until this time had been hanging out two or three times a week, don’t see each other for a month! It becomes personal. Why? Because women are relationship beings. And guys are not.

The worst part is that every single one of those girls know that when they eventually find the right guy, guess what? They will be just as inaccessible as their friends are to them now. They may say “that’s not going to happen to me; I’m going to be a good friend.” Yes it will. There is so much to do between wedding planning, apartment hunting, work, school, sleep, etc. that they will want to be with their friends, but there is just no time. And that doesn’t mean that you’re a bad friend; it just means that you’re normal. You’ll be there for a friend when she really needs you; you just won’t be able to hang out as much.

No more clearly do I see this disparity than when it comes to inviting people to my wedding. Whenever I am told that a friend of mine can’t make it, I get a little upset for a bit and then I move on. Sure it would be nice to have all my closest friends at my wedding, but this guy has the wedding of his roommate in Toronto on the same day, and this one is starting a job the next morning and has to leave, and this one just got engaged and has to be at his future sister-in-law’s wedding that day, and another can’t afford to fly in from the mid-west… I understand that in a guest list of 50, 60, 70 people, a few can’t make it. But when Erachet finds out that a friend with can’t make the wedding, it’s a truly devastating bit of news.

What guys believe girls don’t realize is that things need to get done, and if getting those things done require missing out on something, even something big, then sacrifices will have to be made. As for what girls believe about guys, what do I know? I’m just a Not.

Attention Girls...

2011-04-28T16:31:00.002-04:00

…and anyone else waking up at 3AM to watch the Royal Wedding. It is official! After years of searching, I have finally found a way to equate a girl’s excitement about something to a guy’s feeling about sports.

I am pretty much the average guy when it comes to following sports; I am not in any fantasy leagues, I watch football on Sundays when it doesn’t interfere with anything in my life and I go to about 5 sporting events a year. One thing that I never did is wake up at 3:30 in the morning to watch a game. When I was in Israel, I missed the World Series and watched about half of the Superbowl.

But I now realize that when girls ask “What is so interesting that needs to put everything else on hold?” what they are really asking is “Why don’t I have anything like that?”

The answer to that is that if you did, you would blow it further out of proportion than guys have done to the Superbowl. If there was an annual Royal Wedding that took place every April, it would become an international holiday. And just like a guy would drag his girlfriend/wife to a Superbowl party with the promise of social interaction, a girl would do the same to her boyfriend/husband with the promise of food. Only when the guy is dragged out of bed at some ungodly hour, giving into the prospect of an awesome breakfast that may include eggs, waffles and pancakes over his precious sleep, he is subjected to tea and biscuits! Everyone would come dressed as some member of royalty, and who knows? We could even have a mock wedding before the actual festivities. The only way guys would be able to deal with the event would be to make up betting lines on the wedding. Lines may include:

Length of first kiss
First person to cry
Number of people outside Westminster Abby
Length of Prince’s nose

And the argument that I absolutely do not want to hear anymore is “these athletes don’t care about you.” Because guess what, the Royal Family cares less about you. AND there is more of a chance of me meeting any Kansas City Royal, Sacramento King, Los Angeles King or even Prince Fielder than the chance of you meeting any member of the Royal family. So I have free reign to buy a jersey, because how many brides out there will try to model their dress after the new Princess’s?

And no, Erachet is not making me get up to watch the wedding, nor is sports something that we have yet to argue about. This is just an observation by someone who grew up not being allowed to watch TV on a school night unless there was some sort of major sporting event going on, and had to defend this to a sister who didn’t have anything similar to it. The complaint should not have been “why can he watch?” but “why don’t I have anything that I care about?”

Shower Power

2011-04-11T20:24:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was Erachet’s shower. Thursday Night, I spent an hour answering questions about her so that her friends can derive some sort of enjoyment out seeing me be completely wrong about her or extremely jealous that I know so much about her.

Either way, I do find it weird. I understand why it is forced upon the guy to reveal his knowledge (or lack thereof) about the girl – because the friends for some reason want to know. But why aren’t the girls required to answer similar questions about the guy.

Why isn’t SHE asked what HE wore on the first date? What are his favorite restaurants, foods and colors? Why don’t they ask the girls frivolous questions like what the guy’s favorite football team is?

I have come up with two possible answers for this. The guy’s friends don’t care, and the girl always knows the guy well. Let’s take them one at a time.

A guy’s friends don’t care

Obviously, there is more of an interest among the girls to see how well their friend did in the manmarket than guys who want to see who’s going to be cooking for them when they come over (jk lol ?). Aside from that, you run into the problem of when to show the video to the guy’s friends. The Auf Ruf seems to be out, seeing as it’s on Shabbos, and I think that such a video would seems out of the realm of normal bachelor party events (if you were to have one) .

The girl always knows the guy well

And I think this is the more pressing issue. Girls always know guys well. So doing it this way makes it into a competition; not between the couple, but between the girl and her friends, who now will need to prove that one knows their other half better than the other. It just cuts down on a lot of unneeded/unwanted stress.

Having said all of this, I think I did pretty well with my questions. Admittedly, I did not get them all right, but at least once I answered something about Erachet that she got wrong herself. A little suggestion though to all you shower-planning girls out there - ask some of those guy questions and see how well SHE does. It may turn into a competition, but hey, at least us guys will get a fair shake.

I Thought I was Done with this

2011-03-30T00:51:00.001-04:00

Once I got engaged, I thought I wouldn’t have to date anymore, but that’s pretty much what my experience was this past Sunday at the OU’s Emerging Communities Fair in The Grand Hyatt. For those unfamiliar, the OU sponsors an annual event wherein small, developing Jewish communities and Elizabeth, NJ convene in Manhattan to tell you what their community is about. The idea being that they can attract as many people as possible to help build up their community.

It was not too long before Erachet and I realized that like dating, many of the prospects began sounding the same. Every boasted of the accepting, close-knit community; “Laid back,” “friendly” and “warm” were terms I was used to reading on shidduch resumes, and I was now reading them on pamphlets about towns.

Also, I need to ask what is with the fascination with Jews and food? Should I really care about a kosher pizza store? Is that really the best way to win over a perspective community member? It’s nice icing on the cake, but I wouldn’t lead with that argument. Ability to attain kosher food (like meat and cheese) is important, but I am not making my decision of where to live based on the ability to easily grab a burger on the way home from Shul.

Don’t get me wrong, there were a number of communities that stood out (which I won’t mention right here), but for the most part they sounded the same. There were many places that were really pushing the fact that they had a low cost of housing, but was kind of offset by the lack of jobs available.

In the end, we figured out that just like dating, we weren’t getting enough of an idea about each community by just having someone talk about it, and reading a few brochures; we need to date each community for a while to see which one (if any) we like enough to take the next step. And the best part is we can date more than one simultaneously.

Sing for the Left

2011-03-08T21:03:00.006-05:00

Jewish music has started to bug me a little bit. It’s not that I don’t like it. In fact, I am a huge fan of most singers and groups. But I gotta ask – what is up with the English songs? Jewish English songs have gotten so cheesy of late. They are all generic praising G-d songs, with bad lyrics and forced rhymes.

A particular thought that came to mind on this subject is that Jewish Singers don’t come out with songs that have nothing to do with Judaism. I’m not talking about love songs. I am talking about songs that have may have some sort of significance to many people, but aren’t about something intrinsically Jewish.

It’s true that there are Journeys songs like “What you’re Looking for,” “The Cat Ate the Canary” and “The Shadchan,” to which many people can either relate or at least understand. However, these songs are not going to be written by a non-Jewish singer.

“What You’re Looking For” has a lot of the same elements as Bon Jovi’s “Who Says you Can’t Go Home,” but it is clear throughout the song that the person is looking for religious meaning in his or her life, whereas the Bon Jovi song is simply talking about someone lost.

“The Cat Ate the Canary” is clearly a political song, but it is not about anything that is not related to Judaism. A song like that would have to be about some political Israel or Jewish topic in order to appear on an orthodox Jewish album.

“The Shadchan” is a story about the difficulty of finding love. Easy enough. But once you start mentioning a sefer on the dashboard or a hat and jacket or, oh yeah, a shadchan, it is automatically a Jewish song.

Even a song like “Be Brave, Be Strong” is only a song about Israel. A Jewish CD would not have a “We are the World” for a random other Nation. I am not saying that they should, just that they don’t.

But here’s my question: why don’t Jewish Singers have songs that aren’t about Judaism, but aren’t necessarily against Judaism? Something completely neutral would be interesting; maybe something like the struggles of growing up.

Now I posed this question to Erachet, and she offered that the reason is because of theme. Almost always, a band will put out a CD wherein all or many of the tracks will be of the same genre. In fact, many times a CD will have a running theme throughout the whole album. (An example of this is Shalsheles 2, which is all about the theme of peace.) Taking this into account, if most of an album is about Judaism, then having one track devoted to something else would ruin the theme.

This is okay in principle, but one could argue a few things on this. Firstly, if it's on an album with mostly Jewish-oriented songs, a neutral song may be looked at as a Jewish song (simply because of the artist and the songs surrounding it would be Jewish). Secondly, "Judaism" is a broad theme. It can encompass things that aren't explicitly written with Hebrew words and the mention of G-d and Jerusalem. A song that is not about an exact topic related to Judaism can still be about Judaism.

That doesn't mean that I want more of those love songs disguised as loving G-d or Jerusalem. That's not what I'm talking about. I merely want a song written by (or for) a Jewish singer that can stand by itself. It would just make words a lot less cheesy and forced.

It's not like there aren't any of these types of songs out there. In fact, I am adding a list of secular songs that would fall under the category of audience-appropriate songs (as judged by Jughead's Hat) that have nothing to do with religion. The list takes into account certain exceptions to what qualifies. Any songs that contain inappropriate content or do not apply to the types of productions made by Jewish artists will not qualify for this list. These exceptions include:

Love songs

TV Show themes (The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island, The Brady Bunch, etc.)

Songs made for movies or musicals (Friend Like Me, Defying Gravity, etc.)

Classical Music or Instrumentals

Songs about vices (Cocaine, Alcohol, etc.)

Songs that are about something else but mention or hint to love or romance (Sweet Child O’ Mine)

Parodies (Eat It)

Holiday Songs

16 Tons by Tennessee Ernie Ford (Rockapella Version)
Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty
Beautiful Day by U2
Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
Celebration by Kool and the Gang
Dream On by Aerosmith
For What it's Worth by Buffalo Springfield
Have a Nice Day by Bon Jovi
How to Save a Life by The Fray
It’s My Life by Bon Jovi
Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door by Bob Dylan
Like a Rock by Bob Seger
Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson
New York, New York by Frank Sinatra
The Final Countdown by Europe
Watching You by Rodney Atkins
We are the Champions by Queen
We are the World by Michael Jackson
Who Says You Can’t Go Home by Bon Jovi
With a Little Help from My Friends by Joe Cocker

Now, I am sure that writing a song like this cannot be an easy thing to do, otherwise there would probably be more. What are your favorites that didn't make my list? Remember, there are rules as to what qualifies. Also, am I missing any Jewish songs that would fit this category? And finally, am I wrong? Should Jewish singers keep their nose out of the

Why Even Bring it Up?

2011-02-28T22:06:00.003-05:00

There is something that I have been having trouble understanding about the whole wedding process since I have been engaged.

In the circles in which I travel, I come across three different types of daters – those who strictly get set up, those who strictly try to find someone on their own, and those who do both. (I don’t really know any arranged marriage people.)

The funny thing is that nobody cares how another person goes about dating. No “find-her-on-my-own” guy will tell me that a shidduch dater is insane for choosing that direction, and no shidduch dater will tell me that the searcher is obviously wrong. Fine.

Then why is it the exact opposite when it comes to length? In this case, there are two sets of two categories. Length of dating (short and long) and length of engagement (short and long).

If a couple decides to date for a three-week period and get married a month and a half later, the response from the longer daters and engagement period people is “how could they do that?!” “How do they even know each other!?”

Meanwhile, if a couple has a year-long dating period and then an 8 month engagement period, you are left with the faster daters complaining “what’s taking so long?” This eventually leads to “it’s about time!”

Why is that? Why is it that for all other parts of dating (what to wear, where to go, etc.) people don’t have tremendous opinion, but when it comes to length, all-of-a-sudden, everyone is an expert?

Additionally, why do people feel the need to remind those involved of how difficult it is?

“Oh, you have a long engagement? That’s too bad. I had a three month engagement and it was two and a half months too long.”

Or…

“Oh, you have a short engagement? That’s rough. You’re probably going crazy trying to put everything together in time.”

The engaged couple knows. They are experiencing it. The people involved don’t need you to remind them how stressful being engaged is. Just like the people who are dating don’t need you to remind them how stressful dating can be. You wouldn’t walk over to a guy who has been dating for several years and is really having a tough time finding a spouse, and then tell him how short your experience was, and how you dated one girl for three months and it was two and a half months too long. Why do that now?

I have been lucky enough to have a relatively stress-free engagement period. Sure there are moments, but it wouldn't be nearly as bad if people wouldn't constantly be telling me how difficult it's supposed to be.

I don't understand why people feel the need to be the reminder of stress. If someone can explain the infatuation with it, please let me know.

Bowled Over

2011-02-09T21:45:00.006-05:00

Those who know me know that I am a commercial nut. I love talking about them, analyzing them and ripping on them. So it should come as no surprise that the Superbowl is quite a day for me. It’s a day dedicated to the advertising industry. And the NFL. If the Giants aren’t in it, I am firmly planted to my seat during the ads and getting food and using the bathroom during the game. So it came as a huge blow that I had a wedding this past Sunday Night, and unable to watch much of the game and my beloved commercials.

Finally, last night I had the opportunity to sit down and see the 30-second works of art. I saw all of the highly-rated commercials, like the Darth Vader Kid and the Doritos Dog; the ones that everyone at work was talking about the next day. But I have to tell you, my hands-down winner of the evening was Motorola with their slap in the face to Apple with this ad:

For those of you who don’t know why this is a major slap in the face, let me lay it out there for you.

Firstly, for years, Apple has been trying to play the underdog card against Microsoft. It’s always been a bit whiny to me (kinda like the Red Sox whining about being unable to spend like the Yankees). Motorola now points out how EVERYONE uses Apple products (Mac, iPod, iPad, iPhone, etc.) and they are now what they claimed to be fighting all these years.

However, the more amazing part of this dig on Apple is the resemblance this commercial has to Apple’s own 1984 (no coincidence) commercial, which after the Mean Joe Green Coca Cola spot, may be the most famous Superbowl commercial of all time:

So while Verizon used the iPhone to rip AT&T, Motorola had the hands down best spin on a product this year. Apple has become the company that they have always vowed to hate. It is time we rise up against the evil empire that is Apple and make the switch back over to everything PC. For now, I am the only one who owns a Zune.

Side Note

Every year people go away from the Superbowl thinking that the previous year had better commercials. I distinctly remember thinking the opposite of that last year. This year it is true. Looking forward to better ones next year.

Jughead’s Hat’s Top 10 Superbowl Commercials (2011)

10) Bridgestone - Carma

9) Doritos - House Sitting

8) CarMax Gas Station

7) Cars.com - Go First

6) Verizon iPhone

5) Pepsi Max - First Date

4) NFL - Superbowl Celebration

3) Doritos - Pug Attack

2) Volkswagen - The Force

1) Motorola - Empower the People

So, Gemany is Trying to Warp People's Minds Again?

2011-02-01T21:40:00.001-05:00

The Epitome of Hyperbole

2011-01-31T22:49:00.001-05:00

In today’s crossword, one of the answers was “cicadas” (the insect that makes that long, weird noise in the summer). I never knew that this was the name of the insect. I always heard Mr. Jones say it, but just figured that it ended in an ‘r.’ Only because he had a thick Long Island accent, he left it off at the end (like going to get a haircut from the “baubuh” – don’t even get me started on the word ‘drawer’). Anyway, I finally figured it out and it helped me to solve the rest of the puzzle.

This occurrence reminded me of another story that happened to Mrs. Jones when she was just starting to drive. Because she grew up in a family of European immigrants, the letter ‘w’ was non-existent; in its place was a ‘v’ (“Vhere is my vallet?”). It happened one day that my mother was lost while driving, so she found a police officer to give her directions.

“How do I get to the Van Vycke,” she asked.

She soon found out that aside from people who did not grow up with a ‘w,’ it was not pronounced that way.

On a different, but related note, it’s often that way with people who think a word is pronounced based on its spelling. Erachet recently told me about someone she met that thought that the word “intrigue” was pronounced “intrigyoo” for much of her adult life (and she had a PhD!). I also know someone who mispronounced the word “paradigm.” In both cases the person knew internally that the words (pronounced correctly) existed, but never thought they saw it written, and probably would have gone through life thinking that a word was supposed to be pronounced one way if nobody would have corrected them.

So all of these stories got me thinking – are there any words that I think are supposed to be pronounced one way that I am actually pronouncing incorrectly? I would have no idea. But I guess the best way to find out is by asking others.

So here is the question I am posing to you, my 4 readers: Are there any words that you thought were pronounced one way that you found out later are actually supposed to be said differently? Words like “often” and “forest” don’t count; those are pronounced differently by different people and have multiple correct ways of pronunciation. Let me know what words you have. Either others will have a common experience, be enlightened because they were making that very mistake or make fun of you because it was the most ridiculous verbal mistake ever.

Time

2011-01-26T23:54:00.003-05:00

Time.
It's kinda been on my mind of late.
It seems I don't have the time to do what I want anymore.
I used to be able to do things that I wanted. I guess I used to be in college where I had time to do things. What things? Well, I didn't realize what I could no longer do until some of my friends started doing things they wanted that I have no hope of doing in the foreseeable future. When will I be able to go to Israel? I'm no longer on a school-year schedule. I don't have a five week winter break. I don't have a summer vacation of two months.
Oh yeah. I am done with camp. While my brothers are already planning their summer vacation, I am having it just now hit me that I am not going back. I am working now.
This whole thing became most apparent when a friend of mine told me that he has a date set for the middle of the week at 4:00 pm. Do you know what I do at that time? The same thing most people do. Work. Who has a free minute at 4 in the afternoon?
But it's not just the big things. It's the things that shouldn't have to have time be made for. Things like a haircut need to be planned weeks in advance because that's the next time I have available to see the barber I like. I have tried other barbers lately and they were "meh" at best.
Here's the issue: I go to work every morning at 8:00. I have to get up at 7:00 for a minyan, earlier if I want to shower, shave, etc. Bottom line - I am unable to do anything until 7:00pm when I get home. I would like to learn and exercise* at least twice a week for at least an hour at a time, and oh yeah, eat every once in a while. By the time I collapse in my bed at night, I am exhausted and can't even imagine getting up in a few short hours. But I do. Just so I can do the whole thing over again.
By the way, did you happen to see what I left out of this whole equation? Erachet. That's right. Between my crazy schedule and her inhumane schedule, we see each other much less frequently than we used to. I got really jealous of my afternoon-dater friend when he told me that he doesn't want to postpone the date because the next time won't be until two days later.
Now I don't expect you to feel sorry for me. I don't even feel that sorry for me. It's tough; I know. Everyone has their things they need to deal with. Everyone has difficult schedules to balance. Actually, I am pretty certain that mine is about the norm. But it's new for me, and until I get used to it, I'll deal.
But here's the point. I can't be the same guy I used to be. I can't come out to grab a shawarma at 10:45 at night anymore. I can't hang out as much as I used to on the weekends now. Most of that time is being spent with someone else. I simply ask that as a courtesy to me, the next time you see me, don't greet me with the phrase "it's about time." You have no idea.

*No wonder people are fat. Who has time to be thin? Between working, learning, and spending time with people, who has time to eat anything that takes less time to make than opening a box of cookies?

Skeleton Feeling

2011-01-20T00:10:00.001-05:00

It is well documented that the greatest feeling one can have while eating is the cold sensation one experiences when having a drink following a long period of time of not drinking. It will often happen that I will take a drink in hopes that the feeling will come, but more often than not, it never happens. However, thanks to my not drinking coffee like the rest of the working world, yet still wanting to be there for “cooler-talk,” I have discovered a drink that works 60% of the time every time.

MILK!

That gloriously refreshing beverage that we all pour over our cereal in the morning is also the purveyor of that oh-so-refreshing feel.

So why am I telling you this? Well, aside from it allowing you to have that feeling whenever you so choose, I needed to write about something that I could ramble on about. This is because I am trying to teach myself how to touch-type.

“WHAT,” you yell out as you choke over your newly-poured glass-o-milk. “You can’t type?! How do you live?!”

I get by. But no more! As of today, no longer will I hunt-and-press. No more copy-and-pasting two-word phrases because it takes less time. From here on in, I will look at the screen as I type! I don’t care how long it takes to write a blog post!

Now, I need something to drink. Who’s got a beer?

Jelly Bean's Wedding Part IV

2011-01-10T23:51:00.002-05:00

Okay, it's now time for the fourth and final installation of Jelly Bean's Wedding. I know what you're all wondering. What happened to the happy couple the night of their wedding? Well, I'm here to answer that question.
They got stuck. In the limo. Two blocks from the hall.
Okay, a few things you should know:
1) The hall was closed so they couldn't just walk back.
2) The limo had no divider so they pretty much stuck with William the entire night.
3) They ran out of gas at 5:30 in the morning, which meant that they also ran out of heat.
Okay, back to the story. Remember Mr. and Mrs. Jone s? Well, they had pretty much given up on getting themselves out of the snow, so they tried to focus on others, namely Jelly and Mr. Bean. The Joneses sprang into action. They called CBS News and told them of the plight of their daughter. At 2:30 AM, Mr. Bean gets a call from CBS telling them that they were on their way. They were going to get them out of the cold and into a nice hotel!
"We're saved," thought the newly-weds. No dice. CBS's van got stuck.
Fast forward through a night of shivering and little privacy.
7:30 AM - They get out. Someone had told Mrs. Jones of a Bed and Breakfast in the area. So that's where they went. Except it wasn't really a B&B. It was someone's house where they converted some rooms and served Breakfast. The thing was THEY WERE OUT OF ROOMS! So they did the next logical thing - gave the Beans their room! That's right. They used someone else's bed. And not like a hotel. Someone's bed. Good times.
Well, the first night of shev'ah b'rachos were canceled, and we all heard the story at the Tuesday Night shev'ah b'rachos. Everyone is now fine, but are also legends.

Jelly Bean's Wedding Part III

2011-01-04T22:42:00.003-05:00

After grappling with the idea of which story to do next, I have decided to tell you my story. what happened to Jughead's Hat the night of the storm? I'm glad you asked.
Let me preface this by saying that I got to the hall as the snow began. This was at a time when there was actual parking available without having to use the valet (I hate valets - I never use them). Additionally, Mr. Jones had run to the Home Depot the morning before the wedding to purchase a shovel for every car - smart man. The only foresight I had was to pack an extra change of clothing (this will come into play later as well). So, when I arrived at my car at the end of the wedding, it only took about 15 minutes to dig it out.
So, when I said that I had a car, what I really meant was that I had a minivan. Why is this important? Well, when you have room for seven in a snowstorm, you fit as many as need to be fit. I got six. This included myself and Erachet, Hotdog, Hamburger, and my grandparents (who have yet to be given a name - suggestions?).
Now in what should normally be a half hour - 45 minute drive, I have to say was moving quite well for the first 10 minutes. I mean, it was snowing heavily outside. So taking that into consideration, I thought things were moving quite well. This, of course, excludes the fact that my grandfather is a retired New York cab driver, who obviously knows the roads better than anyone else in the car. So once I informed him that I was quite familiar with the highway system of New York, he let me drive in peace. (If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you, but you'll have to ask my grandfather directions of how to get there. Eventually, he let up.)
Park. That's the position I left my car in while the city of New York shut down the BQE (also known as the Road Where Hopes and Dreams Go to Die - my rant against the BQE will be given on another occasion). So there we are, the six of us stranded in a van with my grandfather swearing under his breath, my brothers bickering in the back seat and my grandmother needing to use the bathroom. Not a bad first experience for Erachet with my grandparents.*
Additionally, I had to get out of the car every so often to clean off the windshield wipers which had snow freezing to them, making it very difficult for them to wipe anything at all. On one such occasion, I hear a honk from a car next to me. The car rolls down the window, and to my surprise, it is Mr. Bean's family from out of town. They were stuck in the same mess we were. Party on the freeway!
So now, let's get to what happens in the end. I will skip over what we did to pass the time, including having the whole car doing the YMCA. Finally at 1:00 AM, they reopened the BQE (we left the hall at 7:15). The first stop was at my grandparents' hotel. Actually, this ended up being our only stop. We had quite an ordeal getting there, seeing as I had never been there, nor could I see any street signs, nor was the GPS being all too helpful, nor were the buses that had gotten stuck in the snow being any helpful. We can combine this with my grandmother needing to use the facilities which let me tell you, is not easy for concentrating, and we end up lost multiple times all within three blocks of the hotel.
We finally get to the hotel where we need to stay because there is apparently nowhere on my block to park, nor is there anywhere in the city to park because Mayor "Third Term" Bloomberg decided not to plow anything. I wouldn't have even been able to get down my block. So we stayed in the hotel. Good thing I had brough that extra change of cloths.
Problem. There were no more rooms. All we had was the room that my grandparents had rented and the room that my aunt, uncle and cousin had rented. However, if you add our additional four people to the mix, sleeping arrangements become awkward. We divided the two rooms into boys and girls. There were only three girls, so splitting the two beds was not that big of a deal. Splitting two beds between six guys, though, is a little tougher. I got the floor. By the window. During a snowstorm. Without a blanket. Could be worse (that's for another post).
The next morning, Erachet, Hotdog, Hamburger and I decided that it was time to leave. After a group photo and a really bad breakfast of soggy muffins, we were on our way. Sort of. We had parked the previous night in an underground garage. Good news- we didn't have to dig ourselves out. Bad news- the road leading out of the garage was ice. And me without my four-wheel-drive. After several attempts at escape, and me getting out to try to pick at the ice with my shovel (thanks, Mr. Jones), my van allowed me to coerce it into getting over the icy hill, and off we were to my home.
I never made it. There had still been no plows down my block, and certainly no parking spots. We decided to drop my brothers off down the block; they went to the house and sent back a change of clothes and my tephilin with...my father! Why? Because, if you remember correctly, Mr. and Mrs. Jones had driven their car into a snow bank. So we went to find their car on the side a=of another highway and dug it out.
Following that, I drove Erachet back to home and I decided to stay in her neck of the woods for the night - mostly because I had a place to park. The next day (Tuesday for those keeping track), I went to work, and following work, I went to one of the Shev'ah B'rachos. I still had yet to be home. Following the Shev'ah B'rachos, I drove Erachet back home with Jelly bean's car, because I my van was still by Erachet's house. Finally, I made it back home Wednesday morning at about 12:30. Luckily, Wednesday Night's Shev'ah B'rachos were in Erachet's town, so we were able to pick up my van. It took until tonight to fully recover from that wedding, ut I think I am good now. Bring on the next storm. Oh, and there are still more stories.

*The number one concern of anyone who knew we were stuck was for Erachet having to be stuck with my grandparents for hours with absolutely no escape. But by and large, my grandparents were not very difficult to be with.

Jelly Bean's Wedding Part II

2010-12-29T23:39:00.003-05:00

As the chupah started, the snow was coming down at a fairly intense pace. In fact, the as the guy singing Im Eshkochech hit the high note, the roof of the chupah fell down from the snow (luckily it hit nobody).
After the chupah, three wedding guests left for another wedding (yes, I know - crazy). We will call them Ted, Lilly and Robin. They ended up on another highway, in a...wait for it...snow bank! That seemed to be the trend of the evening. However, Hatzalah was unable to reach them. They stayed stranded in the car until 5:30 AM!
At that time a police car pulled up along side and was able to get them out. The officer had a conversation with Marshal, who was driving. He told him that he should stay with the car, to which Marshal replied "arrest me." He didn't, but did get them home somehow. From what I understand from Robin's family, she didn't even go to sleep right away. Also, from what I understand, they still have not gotten the car back yet. Jusy another exciting adventure. Stay tuned...

Jelly Bean's Wedding Part I

2010-12-29T00:25:00.002-05:00

Well, Jelly Bean tied the knot. She got married on one of the most memorable days of the year, Blizzard '10. In these posts I will be chronicling, not the wedding itself, but the aftermath, i.e. the trips home. The first victims I will be speaking about are my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Jones.

Mr. and Mrs. Jones (who were also driving home with my uncle and Jelly Bean's shomeret) decided to find an alternate route home, seeing as the highways were so bad. Bad idea. They drove into a snow bank and were stuck there for 3 hours. Hatzolah came and got them out of the car and brought them back to my house. They all spent the night there.

The following morning, I went with Mr. Jones to dig the car out of the snow bank, which incidentally was on the entrance ramp to another highway. It took us 15 minutes to dig it out. In the end, it was a good thing they didn't make it back because by the time they got back, there was nowhere on my block (or in the entire neighborhood) to park.

Now, this story may seem tame and that's why I told it first. Many more stories to follow...

Yoel Zilberman

2010-12-16T00:27:00.001-05:00

I hate to do two videos in a row, but this one really needs to be publicized.

Maybe the Coolest Video I've Seen in a While

2010-12-13T00:48:00.000-05:00

The Incredible Hagbulk

2010-12-09T20:10:00.001-05:00

I know I haven’t done one of these in a long while, and seeing as today is Thursday, and the system in my office went down for a while, I figured I’d see who else was on my PITYI list. Today (as the title reads) we have the Incredible Hagbulk.

Aside from having a lot of common people, every Young Israel has a number of common items. One of them is a Torah that weighs as much as an automobile. In this case, there is generally one person in the shul who can manage to lift it for hagba without needing an icy/hot patch afterwards. (Not really, but the gabbaim seem to think that there is only one guy who could do the trick – most of the young men can do it, but because the gabbaim have known them since they had to be brought out of shul by their fathers when they were crying, it never dawns on them that they possess the physical abilities to lift heavy objects, ESPECIALLY since the gabbai himself can no longer lift anything remotely close to that – not that I’m bitter.)

Anyway, there is always one guy who seems to be holding the Torah before musaf every week. For a visual, just picture the Sefer Torah being opened about 17 columns apart, and a large man doing a lutz with it. There will always be someone either shaking his head or yelling out not to do that; there will always be someone who (still) doesn’t trust that this guy’s got it, and will rush to his side to make sure nothing falls. The best part is that g’lilah is usually given to the one kid whose photo hanging in his mother’s living room is life size, and can barely reach the bottom of the Torah. It just ends up being fun to watch.

The Incredible Hagbulk is generally tall and broad. However, I know one who is average hight, but very broad. He doesn’t daven regularly in my shul, but whenever he comes, he knows what he’ll be getting. One time, I had the (mis?)fortune of being gabbai in my shul. I decided to have some fun byreversing the roles. I gave hagba to a guy who I knew could do it, but normally gets g’lilah due to his size, and I offered g’lilah to a really big guy. He declined. Oh well, I guess he never learned how.

Subway Subject

2010-12-01T19:52:00.000-05:00

This morning on the subway, there was a man who I can only presume to have been homeless occupying half the car. Now I don’t mean that he took up all this space with just his body mass; he smelled. Badly. Half the car was empty and people who couldn’t find room on the car went to a different car. It was just interesting to observe how different people reacted to the situation.

First, there were a number of people who would stand and stare at the man, hoping that by their combined eyeball power, they would be able to somehow be able to awaken this man from his peaceful slumber and maybe, just maybe get out at the next stop. This has worked for me in the past (as I am sure it has for many of you) in a situation where you wanted to get someone’s attention, but didn’t want to approach them. You would just stare at them until hopefully your subject looks at you. For me, that almost always works, not so much for the people on the subway.

A second group of people stood their ground. They braved the smell as best they could for the ultimate subway reward: a seat! That’s right! As a sign of their bravery, these passengers checked their egos at the door in order to check their rumps in a seat, a very rare occurrence on an NYC subway (just ask Ezzie). I was one of these passengers, and I, like many of my brethren, sat there with my scarf over my nose. One man even got up and opened a window. On a subway.

Of course, there was the third type of person; one man who caught my attention. He not only braved the smell, but sat right across from the source. He did not cover up his nose. In fact, he seemed to be very entertained and by his book, hardly noticing what made him so unique, and did not give off the slightest bit of a hint that he was uncomfortable in any way.

This whole ordeal got me thinking how I would normally respond to a situation where something made me uncomfortable. Do I give away my displeasure? Almost always. In some form or another, I know that I make it obvious that I don’t like the situation I’m in. I never go overboard like a certain couple on the train who was laughing at their predicament until they disembarked, but I might glance over at a friend and make a face, try to wiggle my way out of the situation as quickly as possible, or just cover my nose with my scarf.

It takes great discipline to just do nothing. How many times do you get into a conversation that you don’t want to be in? For me, it happens all the time. Sometimes, I become one of those rude people, who try to get out of the conversation any way possible. Other times, I am that terribly understanding guy, who listens to the awkward questions being asked to me on the streets of Manhattan until the situation clears itself up. But never do I seem like I am not bothered at all by what’s going on. I have no popopopoker face when it comes to these things.

How does one behave like this guy on the subway? Where when faced with a situation in which even the most stuffed of noses couldn’t have bared, he showed no sign of aggravation. How does one face a situation head on, and not embarrass another in even the slightest form, like standing a little further away? How does one swallow their pride completely in order to not embarrass a sleeping homeless guy?

Erachet

2010-11-28T01:26:00.002-05:00

Well, I did it! I got engaged. Popped the question last night to the greatest girl in the world, Erachet. No, it was not a blog-mance. We knew each other before we knew about each other's blogs.
For the last eight months, I have had the time of my life, being able to spend as much time as I could with the most amazing person in the world. Now, I get to extend those eight months into a lifetime. I don't know how to continue this post without being too nauseating, so you'll just have to suffer.
I never fully understood Lilly's line from "How I Met Your Mother" about relationships until I began to experience it: "Okay, I know that stuff looks dumb from the outside, but it's kinda the greatest thing in the world when you're a part of it." Not only can I no longer imagine not being part of a couple, but there is nobody in the world with whom I can imagine being part of a couple. And of course, there is nobody who can make me smile like she can.
Erachet, I love you, and I hope to give you everything I possibly can. Thank you for being my voice of reason.
Okay, enough mushyness. There are others who I need to thank, like Serach and Ezzie, Special Ed and The Apple for their roles in this relationship, as well as many other bloggers and non-bloggers alike. Let the countdown to the wedding begin!

Scary Stuff

2010-11-16T19:46:00.002-05:00

Why is it that every time period has in it something that will destroy us all. I was recently thinking about how many times we as the human race in general and Americans in specific have constantly had an eminent end-of-the-world (physical or otherwise) scenario. Just take a look at the last 25 years:

The Cold War
AIDS
Cancer
Nuclear Warfare
Terrorism
Y2K
Numerous natural disasters
.com boom and fall
Global Economic Disaster

All of these incidents have caused (at some point) wide-spread fear and chaos. Not to mention prejudices. Everybody all of a sudden has to run to get the boards to protect their house from the hurricane, or stop talking on cell phones, or listen into their neighbors’ phone conversations for fear that they may be Russian spies.

After Magic Johnson tested HIV positive, the NBA instituted a rule that whenever a player is bleeding, he must come out of the game and cannot come back in until the wound has been sealed. AIDS was something that scared people into thinking that the entire human race would be destroyed.

There was a short period in the last 25 years that did not have in it some major impending doom facing civilization. This was immediately following the end of the Cold War. In the early 1990s, when people were just getting used to the idea that they wouldn’t have to live in fear of being nuked, and have their bodies fused with their house, they realized something was missing – fear. Now that basically everything was behind them (including a major recession), there was a void.

So what did the world do to fill this void? They popularized “grunge.” The early 90s is when grunge became a fad, (and thankfully declined). The entire genre is based around sluggish guitar and depressing lyrics. Its popularity ended in the mid-90s when a new scare – Y2K – became “real.”

So why? What is this constant need for fear? Why is it that when a blizzard is approaching New York all I hear on the news is round-the-clock coverage on the storm? Why does Southern Florida TV cover nothing but hurricanes in the late summer? Why do people need fear to the point of generating it when it’s not there?

I think I have come to a conclusion, and I don’t think that it’s all that new of an idea. The one thing that fear does is bring anyone who shares that fear closer together. Take a look at what happened to this country post-9/11. Everyone had a sense of American pride; George Bush was cheered in New York (perhaps for the last time), throwing out the first pitch at the World Series; there was not a single person who didn’t want to go after Osama Bin Laden. Fear unites people. It’s less scary to go into a situation knowing that you aren’t alone, and it is very important to know that you aren’t alone in any situation – even when there’s nothing really there to be alone with.

In a not-so-recent conversation I had with a friend, he expressed his problem with marriage. “It makes no sense,” he told me. “Take religion out of it; forget that we have a mitzvah of p’ru ur’vu. Why would someone – not even a Jew – why would ANYONE want to commit the rest of his/her life to ONE OTHER PERSON?”

Well, here’s the answer. Life isn’t easy (duh). There is no better way to go through life than with another person. That person will face the same (if not, close to it) troubles and opportunities that you will face. That person will be there for emotional support or a good swift kick in the pants when you need ‘em. That person will be there to remind you that you aren’t alone. But most importantly, that person will make sure that you never EVER start listening to grunge.

Mi Haish?

2010-11-08T20:38:00.003-05:00

This week, I was involved in an unfortunate, but highly meaningful and educational event. The grandfather of a very, very close friend of mine passed away. Although I had just met the man within the calendar year, I learned a tremendous amount from his life both while he was still alive and once he passed on.
I also had the privilege of visiting him in the hospital just days before he passed. What he said on that day encompassed all that I had known about him until then and was reaffirmed throughout shiv'a. He quoted to me a pasuk from Tehilim - "Mi haish hechofetz chaim, ohev yamim l'r'os tov?" (Which man desires life who loves days of seeing good?) - Tehilim 34.
This man was the paradigm of this pasuk. He lived for life. He always claimed that he had beaten Hitler ym"sh. He survived the war and went on to publicize it through public speaking - without a formal education past the fourth grade.
He built his family up from the nothing with which he came to America, and left behind a legacy in this world that most of us can only imagine, that is unless you were one of those lucky enough to hear one of his speeches. In that case, you would KNOW the legacy he left. Just today, a group of third graders that were lucky enough to hear him speak two years ago came to be menachem avel. He was able to touch them just as he was able to touch high school students, college students, middle age adults and anyone who came into contact with him. This means non-Jews as well. He was the sounding board for anyone who wanted to talk.
Last week, the world lost a great man. His legacy will always live on.

Quote of the Month - November

2010-11-01T20:14:00.003-04:00

"I am seriously thinking about signing up for twitter on the off-chance that the guy in the cubicle in front of me would follow me." -Coworker

I'm in a New York State of Mind

2010-10-28T19:50:00.002-04:00

There is something that’s been on my mind for quite a while now that, in light of recent events, I need to come out with. Out-of-Towners are obnoxious.

Generalization? Maybe. But it’s true. How many times do you New Yorkers have to listen to whining of a transplanted West Coaster complaining about the weather, or a Mid-Westerner complaining about the unfriendliness, or a Floridian complaining that he can’t watch the Heat games (which he now wants to do because the Heat are apparently good)?

All the time, that’s when. (Well, except for the Heat fan, because he won’t start following until the playoffs anyway.) If I had a nickel for every time I heard two OoTs complaining about how they have to live in New York, I’d be making money in a really weird way. And a lot of it.

In all their complaining about how terrible New York is, they never stop to realize that there is, in fact, a reason they live here. I will share with you a story about someone I know personally, who was a transplanted OoT, and finally achieved his dream of moving out of the Dreaded Town of Death. His claim was that in the town he in which he wanted to live, he could buy a house and the monthly mortgage would be equivalent to the rent he was currently paying. Once he moved out of the DToD, it did not take him long to realize that he was right about the mortgage, but miscalculated other things, like property tax in his new home town. Oh, and a salary for the same type of job he was doing here was much lower. It wasn’t long before he had to take on a second job, but he was happy because he was out of the DToD.

And that brings me to why OoTs are obnoxious. I’m not saying that New Yorkers are nice, or even that New York is a great place to live, or raise kids. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. There’s a decent possibility that I won’t stay here. To each their own. But please do me and the rest of New York a favor. When you have something that you hate about New York, don’t complain to us about it. Just fuggedaboutit. You make these claims and you expect us to try to defend the City. You are putting us New Yorkers in an awkward position. We know your complaints are infantile, and it was YOU who chose to live here. Grow up and stop whining.

As a friend pointed out to me, OoTs whine about how New Yorkers don't notice things because we're moving so quickly, yet all OOTers notice are negative things. They're such pessimists about NY that they close their eyes to all the countless times random strangers help a mother with her baby carriage on the subway steps, or stop to make sure someone is alright, or give directions and make sure you understand them, or take a picture for you several times until it comes out right, or give up a seat on the subway to an elderly person, a pregnant person, or even to a child and parent, or a student with a heavy backpack or hold the subway door for you if you're running to catch the train, or elevator doors.

I hope I’m not making New Yorkers out to be Gandhi or anything. There is much left to be desired. New Yorkers can be jerks. But so can everybody else. This is America. The rest of the world hates us more than OoTs hate New York. Why? For the same reason OoTs hate New York. We’re brash, ignorant, arrogant and rude. Yes, it is a generalization, and I know you OoTs are saying to yourselves “that’s not me they are complaining about.” Yes it is. You are American. Therefore you are what Americans represent. New Yorkers are the same way. Not all of us (in fact, not most of us) are how New Yorkers are represented in your minds. (To tell you the truth, being from Queens, I have these same feelings about Brooklynites, but I’m not a jerk, so I don’t say it to their faces.)

When you yell at us as to why your home town was so much better than our home town, it annoys us. In fact, most of us can’t go on the offensive either. You know why? We’ve never been to you quaint little one-supermarket, two-traffic light, everybody-lives-within-a-block-radius-of-each-other-so we-only-have-to-pay-for-one-wireless-internet-provider-but-that-was-only-recently-because-the-internet-just-got-here-five-months-ago town. We’re New Yorkers, after all, and we don’t care. The reason you feel so comfortable attacking our City is that you know we have nothing to say about yours, and it’s not only because many of us can’t remember if it’s Denver or Detroit that’s in Delaware. It’s that we never bothered to figure it out. Because in the end, we just don’t care.

Yes, that was sarcasm. But OoTs really get annoyed when New Yorkers point out the OoT’s ignorance at basic New York geography, like Brooklyn being to the southwest of Queens, the various ways of getting to New Jersey, and how to get to the Five Towns. But when New Yorkers show ignorance of some OoT geography, like how close Memphis is to St. Louis, or That the largest city in Ohio is Columbus, or thinking that Oxnard is some sort of genetic defect, OoTs lose their minds. They call it “Typical New York Thinking.” I’ve got news for all you OoTs: If you live in New York, you should know more about it than we know about a town which we’ve never visited! I’ve known OoTs who have lived in the City that still don’t know the difference between the Harlem River Drive and the West Side Highway, or that SoHo and NoHo are named that for a reason, or which towns make up the Five Towns. Get with the program, OoTs: YOU’RE JUST LIKE US!

Now, I assume that I don’t have enough of a readership to suggest the following, but I would like to see other New Yorker’s opinion on OoTs. Do these types of things bother you as much as they bother me? And to the OoTs, where am I wrong? I know (if you read this at all), you were appalled at it. “How can he even compare us to New Yorkers,” you’re probably exclaiming. “He must be a New Yorker. It’s Dallas that’s in Delaware. Everybody knows that!” So please, I invite all OoTs to explain to me why I’m wrong. I will call it “The New York States of Mind.” So bring it.

It's the End of the Summer as We Know it...And I Feel Fine

2010-10-27T19:53:00.002-04:00

When I was in grade school, the thing I (like so many of my classmates) looked forward to the most was not having to go to school. Whether this meant 4:00 (or 5:40 in middle school) when the school day ended or that magical time in June when school was out for two months, we counted down the time until we would be free.

However, once we came back from a summer vacation, we ran into the problem faced by many students all over the country – we forgot. I mean everything. I remember not being able to recall how to do simple algebra problems at the beginning of eighth grade. I wasn’t alone. Many teachers had to spend countless days and weeks going over the things from the previous years that we had supposedly learned already.

Even at that age, after a few weeks of vacation, I was ready to go back to school. Did I enjoy the vacation time? Of course I did! I had a blast over summer break. Was I upset that I had to go back to school? You bet! But in the back of my mind, I knew that I had gone nearly comatose lying in front of a TV for 14 hours a day. (This was before the internet made its way into my house and it’s not like I had a car to go anywhere, and most of my friends were still in sleep-away camp, as my camp always ended earlier than most.)

It always seemed to me that the summer vacation was too long. I much rather would have had a few smaller vacation periods throughout the year. Then I thought that maybe the teachers would rather have the summers off. It makes sense. If you had your summers off, you could get a second job for those two months of the year. However, these suspicions left my mind once I began to teach. I now know that as a teacher, I would rather have a number of shorter breaks throughout the school year than one 2 ½ month vacation in the summer.

For those of you who aren’t teachers, there are two times in a year that drive you batty. The first is October; you have no vacation days in October and it’s the same routine for that entire month. Once you hit November, Veteran’s Day and Thanksgiving hit and you get some sort of a reprieve. September is the start of the school year, and you don’t start until after Labor Day. December has Christmas break; January has mid-winter break; February has President’s Day/Week (depending on your district). March is the other time in the year that just drags on. No breaks at all; not even a random American holiday that extends your weekend an extra day. April has spring break; May has Memorial Day and June has school’s end. There are plenty of vacation times in school.

However, as I’ve mentioned on this blog before, I am against homework. Work should be done in school; once students are dismissed, they should be free to do whatever interests them. It is not fair to have them cooped up all day indoors and then turn them loose in order to do more work. Homework should be limited per night and per week. Having said this, I wouldn’t be against extending school hours. The New York public school students are in school for about six hours a day. There is no reason not to have them there longer.

A 9 to 5 school day is not a terrible idea. Additionally, teachers would be able to make a higher salary and students would get home not long before their parents (who would also presumably be working a 9 to 5. This would lessen the possibility of a child doing things they aren’t supposed to be doing. In my mind, the main time a child has for getting into situations that could only do harm is the time in between dismissal from school and parents coming home.

Having said all this, I am pleased to bring you this story on changing around the school year in Indianapolis, Indiana. The school year would no longer have a giant gap in the summer, but smaller periods of vacation spread throughout the year. Now, this would be detrimental for programs such as summer camps and other programs in the summer. Additionally, teachers would have to reschedule any long-standing summer plans of their own. However, I look at it this way. If programs like camps will be changing, it opens the door for other vacation possibilities. It provides a possibility of a three or five week program for vacationing students. Remember- although the students will be off from work, it doesn’t mean that the parents are off. There will need to be some sort of available program for bored children. Additionally, the article indicates that there will be an additional 20 classes a year. This (hopefully) means more pay for the teachers and less homework for the students.

As is written in the article, the vote goes up two days before Thanksgiving. I hope that a win for this rule is just the beginning of a nationwide trend, especially if the change helps “a district criticized for low standardized-test scores and high dropout rates.” I don’t know the actual numbers, but from how some people talk about New York, we can’t be too great on our standardized-test scores or dropout rates.

The Boxer Rebellion

2010-10-22T01:06:00.004-04:00

You know that there is a major problem in the economic system when…well…when it pays to be lazy. Just take a look at this article from msnbc.

You know the economy has become truly screwy when it pays more to collect jobless benefits than to get an actual job.

The economy is so weak and jobs are so scarce that some people are finding that it isn’t worth it to work. These workers say that’s because the only jobs available are part-time or low-wage gigs that would not only be a big step down from their previous careers but also would not even pay enough to cover their expenses.

About 8 million people are now collecting some form of unemployment aid, but how much they take home varies widely depending on what state they live in and how much they made previously. In Massachusetts, for example, the maximum benefit is $943 per week, including an allowance for dependents, while in Mississippi it is just $235 a week.

In August, the average weekly benefit was $293.54, according to U.S. Department of Labor. On average, unemployment pays about 47 percent of what people were making before they lost their jobs, according to the department's latest data from 2009.

James Davis, 34, made more than $30 an hour as a unionized construction worker specializing in commercial framing before he was laid off in June 2009. He expected to find a similar job within a few months, but the construction industry was tanking and he could not find anyone hiring journeymen like himself, he said.

“It was the worst time,” he recalled.

The only job openings he found paid around $10 an hour. That’s much less than the $15 an hour, or about $600 a week, he collects on unemployment in Washington state, and not enough to keep up with his family’s expenses.
“If I took home way less money it wouldn’t be beneficial for me,” he said.

Instead, Davis, who lives in Puyallup, Wash., has opted to go back to school to become a vehicle mechanic. While in school, he is allowed to continue collecting unemployment benefits for up to six months.

Even if a job in construction were to come up now, Davis is not sure he would give up on his mechanic training. That’s partly because last June, he did land a good job back in his old field, only to be laid off again five weeks later. He worries the same thing would happen again.

“I've got to wonder how long it’s going to last,” he said.

There's no hard data on how many people are turning away work because it pays less than unemployment. The general rule for people collecting unemployment is that they must be actively looking for work.

Andrew Stettner, deputy director of the National Employment Law Project, a worker advocacy group, said unemployed workers also could lose their benefits if they decline a suitable position that is reasonably fitted to the person’s skills and experience. But specifics vary by state and those criteria aren't necessarily tied to how much that position pays.

In Washington state, where Davis lives, workers are not required to take a job that pays less than their unemployment benefit, said Sheryl Hutchison, communications director for the state Employment Security Department.

Laid-off workers are generally entitled to a maximum of 26 weeks of unemployment pay through their state, and federal extensions mean some workers can collect up to 99 weeks of payouts. With the jobless rate hovering near 10 percent, it now takes jobseekers about 33 weeks, on average, to find a new job.

The bill collector's tale
Those long job searches have prompted some to take jobs that pay even less than their unemployment benefits, although it hasn't always worked out well.

After Robert Nasuti was laid off as a technology consultant in March 2009, he spent more than a year looking for work in his field. Although the Myerstown, Pa., resident, was making ends meet on his unemployment benefits, he hated not working.

“The wear and tear of being at home, having nothing to do every day, nowhere to go, that’s what really started to wear on me,” he said. “I like to work.”

That’s how he ended up taking a low-paying temporary job as a bill collector for student loans.
“I thought it would be the responsible thing to do,” he said.

He quit after working just one week. He said he was asked to call grandparents who had co-signed student loans and threaten to withhold Social Security payments if they didn’t pay up, he said.

Quitting left him ineligible for unemployment pay. These days, the 26-year-old is working 20 hours a week, for $8 an hour, at a drugstore. He’s living rent-free at his dad’s house but still barely scrapes by.

He now wishes he’d stayed on unemployment and had never taken the bill collector job.

“I regret it every day. It was like a chance that I took, and I thought it was a good route to take, and it just blew up in my face completely,” he said.

With so much competition for so few jobs, many jobseekers are finding that they have to accept some drop from their pre-layoff salary to get back to work. In August, the Bureau of Labor Statistics released a study of displaced workers who had lost a job between 2007 and 2009 that they had held for three or more years. The study found that 36 percent of those who found new work took a pay cut of 20 percent or more.

“Most people on (unemployment insurance) aren’t there because they are unwilling to take jobs that pay less than UI,” Heidi Shierholz, an economist with the Economic Policy Institute, wrote in an e-mail. “They’re there because they can’t find jobs, period.”

After seeing firsthand how bad it is out there, some jobseekers say they’ve opted to take work that pays less than unemployment because it seemed more secure than counting on something better to come along.

Christopher Trimm, 46, had just exhausted his initial 26 weeks of benefits when he accepted a security guard job that paid $11 an hour. That’s slightly less than the $12 an hour he was making on unemployment in California and half his previous pay as a 411 operator for a phone company.

Trimm, who lives in the Los Angeles area, is now making $10 an hour in a different security job; he agreed to the wage reduction in exchange for a regular, full-time schedule with weekends off.

After watching his wife go through a job loss and difficult job search, and then spending six months looking for work himself, Trimm said he felt he couldn’t risk turning a job down, even if the pay was lower than his benefits.

He also worried that the growing gap in his resume would make it harder to get work.

“Ethically speaking, I’m a worker, you know,” he said. “I owed it to the people of the state of California not to be living off of their dime.”

Here, you find a case where a man completely lost out because he was trying to be a productive member of society. He thought that it was better to be doing something than sitting at home all day, collecting government money. When that didn’t work out, he ended up just sitting at home all day.

And it’s not like there aren’t jobs out there for these people to have. These jobs exist. Just it doesn’t pay to take a job that’ll pay less than unemployment is paying. The whole idea is that this promotes laziness. It all means that some job isn’t getting done (at least not by someone qualified) and the qualified people are sitting at home. Companies know that the job market is tough. If people are desperate to get jobs, they could offer a lot less than the job is worth. The potential employees won’t take it because it’s beneath them, and my taxes (aside from going to pay the unemployed) will end up being done by Renee, who is took ACT 101 AND 102 in college.

This is no longer just an issue when it comes to universal health care. It’s everywhere. From qualifying for Food Stamps to qualifying for financial tuition aid, more and more people are finding ways to beat the system, and they’re making more money than many who work.

If you have facebook, you have probably been forwarded the letter written by Dr. R. Starner Jones, and if you haven't, you can read it here along with the confirmation that it is in fact an real letter. This is just one side effect, no! DIRECT EFFECT of the crisis our society is about to endure.

My knowledge of the Russian Revolution and Soviet Russia is slim, but as an English major in college and former teacher, I am pretty knowledgeable in George Orwell’s Animal Farm. Boxer, the sturdy worker, found his ends in a glue factory, while characters like the Sheep continued, not prosperously, but well enough to live. If you follow the book, the Sheep were simply going along with whatever was told to them (much like actual sheep do) by the pigs.

The way we as a society are headed is by way of the animals in Animal Farm (and presumably the USSR. Those who work hard to make a living will end up in the proverbial glue factory, while those who find a way around working will end up getting by. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Renee has informed me that I haven’t filled everything out yet.

REMOVED FOR OBSCENITY

2010-10-19T01:05:00.001-04:00

Two recent events got me to thinking about how different people observe me. This particular situation is odd because although I tend to be quite conscious of my image, I never realized how different some people’s opinions of me actually are.

A recent conversation with my friend, S., began with him telling me that he has a joke to tell me that was a little inappropriate and I was his only friend that he felt comfortable telling. A little odd for a compliment, but I went with it. The joke was **JOKE HAS BEEN REMOVED FOR OBSCENITY** It wasn’t a bad joke, but clearly inappropriate.

The next week, I walked into a room where three of my friends who until that point had been talking and laughing loudly enough for me to hear bits and pieces of their conversation through the walls of the next room, immediately stopped their chatter when I walked through the door. Knowing full well what they were talking about and assuming that I knew why they stopped, I asked “What were you guys talking about?” Answer: “nothing.”

A conversation about something that seemed only semi-inappropriate in my eyes was apparently too vile for me to hear and be a part of. It certainly was not too unsuitable for me to simply be there and listen. However, it was apparently uncomfortable for these friends to continue such a conversation in front of me.

I’m not upset at either one. However, I would like to know what it is about people that causes their opinion of me to be different from one another. My current theory is that it has nothing to do with me. I’m wondering if it is simply who else they hang out with. Am I more apt than S. Lining’s other friends to talk about something like this? Am I less inclined to do so than the other group? I don’t know, but it’s the best I’ve got right now.

The Date Planner

2010-10-16T19:54:00.003-04:00

So apparently I have become quite the dating pro. It has gotten to the point where I have multiple people going out nightly, using a date that I planned for them. This week alone, I have created six different dates; two dates for the same couple. It turns out that I have dated enough girls varying in hashkafa and lengths of time so that no matter where in the relationship a couple might be holding and no matter their backgrounds, I have most likely been there already and have at least one (usually more)place to suggest.

Here are just a few of the criteria that go into choosing a date spot for other people:

where the guy is from
where the girl is from
what number date is it
how long in between dates has it been
where the has couple gone so far
what were the last three dates
what they are in the mood for (i.e. quiet talk, food, fun, etc.)
how far of a commute
budget
(in one recent case) who is driving
an interest someone had professed during a previous date
time of day
time of year

And there can be many more. Now I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t this what every guy does when he makes a date for himself? Yes. Exactly. Except I’m not him. I simply plan a date – not based on what I would do next – but on what HE would do next.

If you are a guy that is having trouble coming up with an inexpensive date or you’re a girl who’s
desperately looking to have fun with that nice guy who just doesn’t seem to have a personality, send me an email at jugheads_hat[at]yahoo[dot]com.

So why aren’t I married yet if I am such a good date planner? Well, that’s a story for like fifty more posts. Or just read the posts I’ve already written. That should give you some idea.

For your conveniance, I have put together a handy Date Planner form to fill out. If you are interested in filling one out, please email me for a copy of the form.

Wedding Talk

2010-10-12T23:19:00.002-04:00

In a recent conversation with a friend, I discovered that one of the two of us is an idiot. Please help me decide. In order to ensure non-biased rulings, I will not tell you which side I was taking.

The following is a dramatization of a discussion about marriage (about time Jug got back to that, right?):

Jim: It’s not fair. How come the girl gets more gifts than the guy?
Ira: What do you mean?
J: My wife will be getting a shaitel, a fall, a bracelet, a yichud room present and oh yeah, a ring!
I: And you?
J: I get a watch and a shas
I: Okay, but in many cases, you also get a yichud room gift, and sometimes she doesn’t. Also, some people don’t get a bracelet. They propose with a ring like the olden days.
J: Still, that’s not what most of our friends (including me) do.
I: Okay, but you’re forgetting two things. 1) She gets a shaitel, but you get to NOT wear a shaitel.
J: So?
I: SO?! It’s not an easy thing to cover up your hair. I’m sure it makes things hotter and uncomfortable, AND you’re covering up your hair. Girls like hair. I think. Don’t think that just because everyone you know does it, girls don’t struggle with it. I would buy a shaitel if it meant not having to wear it for the rest of my life. It’s well worth the purchase. 2) You’re getting one more thing. Her.
J: So? She’s getting me.
I: Not in the same way.
J: Of course it’s the same way! She’ll benefit from me in the same way I’ll benefit from her!
I: Don’t let HER hear that. It’s not the same way because she doesn’t give you the ring and say “Harayatah m’kudash li.”
J: I would never let her hear that.
I: Why not?
J: I wouldn’t want to hear the consequences.
I: Would you mind if she said it about you?
J: No.
I: So why do you think that is?
J: Because girls are crazy.
I: Maybe, but it’s also because it’s true.
J: You’re an idiot.

Okay readers, what do you think?
Do girls get too much stuff?
Do guys not get enough?
Is there too much gift-giving altogether?
Do you side with Jim, Ira or neither?
What about the shaitel thing?

Simchas Torah Song Guy

2010-10-07T00:00:00.002-04:00

I haven't done a PiTYI in a while, so here's one that I noticed over Simchas Torah that every Young Israel needs to possess: The Simchas Torah Song Guy.

Easily recognizable by his sheet of paper or index card that dates back to the Renaissance, th STSG controls the hakafos in a well organized manner. The songs written on this paper are generally so over done that they almost make fellow shul-goers want to sit through a flight attendant safety demonstration.

The one thing not written on that card is the key in which to begin those songs. This is planned perfectly so that by the time the fourth hakafa is reached, nobody has a voice left and Ain Adir is barely audible.

Our STSG is also responsible for making sure that eventually the Sifrei Torah do go back into the Aron Kodesh so we don't sing S'u Shearim until Thanksgiving. That can get to be a little touchy as (of course) the Sifrei Torah always tend end up in the hands of those who don't really want to give them back when they are asked to. To combat this problem, our STSG shrewdly raises the key. This way, when nobody can reach the highest note, the song dies.

Brilliant.

Status

2010-10-06T19:12:00.003-04:00

It is a sad, sad day in America when the most widely-read writers are determined not by the complexity of their work, but the ability to keep their message to 140 characters or less.

Lucas Duda

2010-10-04T17:59:00.008-04:00

Who?

Lucas Duda. That's who.

It was a very bleak day for Lucas Duda as he put on his Mets' uniform for the last time in the 2010 season. It was tough being a September Call-up for a team that was going nowhere and making sure to get there as fast possible. As he laced up his cleats, he thought "I wish there were a group of Jewish guys with nothing to do with their Sunday afternoon in October other than to come and cheer me up and cheer me on.

Wish granted.

On Sunday, a group of 30 or so staff members from a summer camp attended by this blogger was sitting in the left field seats of New York's Citi Field, a cat call's distance away from Mr. Duda. In the midst of a totally meaningless game (the Mets finished in fourth place while their opponents, the Washington Nationals, finished last), these young men brought joy, not only to a rookie outfielder, but to a section, entire stadium and even the next day's Daily News readers.

Amidst the enthralling 2-1, 14 inning Nationals win (in which many unfamiliar fans learned of the existence of a 14th inning stretch), many Duda-related cheers were invented, bringing much joy to not only Duda, who acknowledged their existence a number of times throughout the game, but to the entire section 135 of Citi Field. Some laughed at the creativity, while others even suggested their own cheers. Here's a brief list of some of the cheers performed for the newest Mets' fan favorite:

Lucas Duda! Duda Duda-ay. Duda Duda-ay. Duda Duda Duda-ay (to the tune of "Numa Numa")
Lucas, I am your father!
Zippidy Duda!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Duda the Maccabee! (Suggested by another fan)
And the ever popular- GIMME A D!...

Still, this paled in comparison to the way in which this rambunctious group of whippersnappers succeeding in starting the wave which went around the entire Citi Field a record 2 1/2 times!*

However, the residual effects of this groups outing at City Field did not become apparent until the following day. In the 14th inning, Mets' manager Jerry Manuel inserted abnormally maligned pitcher, Oliver Perez. In a show of unity with the rest of the Mets' faithful, the group paused in their admiration of Duda for a brief minute to welcome the pitcher with a beautifully arranged harmony of boos.

Immediately following the chorus, the group went back to cheering on their hero. This round included one more new cheer of MVP, which soon changed to MVD! However, in his Daily News article, writer Andy Martino had a different interpretation of the cheer:

Oliver Perez provided a fitting end to a season defined in part by his occupation of a wasted roster spot. The $36 million reliever entered in the 14th inning, and began by striking out a batter.
Exasperated Mets fans had not lost their wit, and started an "MVP" chant. The humor, though, soon turned to boos, as Perez hit a batter and walked the next three, forcing in the deciding run in a 2-1 loss to Washington in 14 innings at Citi Field.**

Yes, there were that few fans at the game.

By the time the game was over, the group had made a name for itself. Even as the guys davened Mincha, passers-by recognized them and made a point to stop and begin cheering for The Dudanator.

All in all, a good time was had by all. Any ideas for a Lucas Duda t-shirt?

*only stopped due to something more interesting than the wave happening on the field- namely in between innings
**For other articles on this chant, click here.

Quote of the Month - September

2010-09-28T01:11:00.000-04:00

"Winning isn't everything, but losing sure is nothing." -Jim Marshal

Trading Up

2010-09-22T09:15:00.003-04:00

Last night, I traded in all of my Dave and Buster's points that I have been accumulating for the last two or three years. Abandoning my ambitions of going for the crock pot (I was still only about half way there), I made a first time purchase for myself. I got for the low, low price of 7300 tickets... drum roll please... a Motorola Blue Tooth headset! Yay!

I would like to thank all those who came with me to D&B and didn't spend all of the tickets we won on teddy bears that you would probably have had to throw away once we stopped going out or on shot glasses that you ended up giving to your brother who was going to Israel (he could use it). I would list you all by name, but I don't want to insult anybody by leaving them out.

Now, off to get thoroughly confused by Blue Tooth.

Wedding Song Survey

2010-09-14T13:43:00.004-04:00

Okay, now that Jellybean is getting married, and her neither she, nor her chosson know anything about music or bands so much of that has fallen to me. I am currently going over song lists and was thinking about all of those bad songs that are played at weddings.

Now by bad, I don't mean songs that are terrible for dancing, because generally all wedding songs are pretty dancable. I'm talking about overplayed wedding songs. These may be songs that were at one point good, but somehow the wedding bands didn't get the memo that we are sick of them. For me, one song that clearly stands out is "Hentelach." (I also don't like this song because it tells you how to dance to it.) This is the type of song that gets eye-rolls whenever the band starts to play it, as if to say "again? Really?"

Another category of 'bad songs' is Extreme Yeshivish. The classic EY song is "L'ma'alah." Extreme Yeshivish songs cannot be sung without a Yeshivish accent. Now, let me be clear about one thing. I am not here to rip all of these songs. I am here to find people's opinions on these and similar songs for weddings.

There are positive aspects to this survey as well. I am looking for good songs that aren't normally played. One good example (although it is rising in popularity) is MBD's "B'inyan Hasimcha." I have not heard this song at more than a handful of weddings.

So there you have it. I am asking for your help, and although there have been many surveys about songs in the past, none of them, to my knowledge, will give me an easy blog post. Here's what I'm asking:

Three Categories:
1) Overplayed wedding songs
2) Yeshivish wedding songs
3) Under-appreciated songs

Please note: you are not limited to dancing music. If you have have a heavy interest to stick your head through a wall the next time a kallah walks down to "V'zakeini," or go all Van Gogh on yourself when they play "Anavim" during dinner, by all means, let me know. You may comment below or email me at jugheads_hat[at]yahoo.com

Ten Things I Noticed From Rosh Hashana this Year

2010-09-12T11:17:00.001-04:00

1) Although you can technically shower on Yom Tov, people feel really awkward doing so.

2) There is something invigorating about not having a phone for three days.

3) Rabbis have to speak longer to make sure not to arrive at shofar blowing earlier than was listed in the bulletin

4) It's only Tishrei and plans for Purim have already begun.

5) I will never understand why we eat carrots on Rosh Hashana.

6) There is a lot more free time on Rosh Hashana than people plan for.

7) People will always find something to complain about regardless of when Rosh Hashana falls out.

8) The further away from Yeshiva I get, the shorter my Sh'moneh Esreh becomes.

9) People LOVE letting everyong else know that they remembered that you're supposed to say zachreinu l'chaim, mi chamocha, hamelech hakadosh, etc.

10) The Birnbaum Machzor ends in 2011.

The Dreaded Phrase of Death

2010-08-27T02:28:00.004-04:00

Jellybean got engaged. Yes, yes Mazal Tov. It was over the summer, and it was to a guy she was dating for quite some time now. Initially, my reaction was contentment and then it started getting cool.

Then it started getting annoying.

I was never a fan of the Dreaded Phrase of Death, "Im yirtza Hashem by you." It's such a beautiful bracha that comes across as so condescending. If you'll notice, a single person who is dating almost NEVER says it. Why? Because he/she is afraid that you will say it right back. They don't want to hear it. They don't want to be reminded of the fact that they are still single. It matters not if they are just starting out, been dating for years, or even just about to get engaged themselves. It makes people nervous.

Jelly Bean knew that I hated this phrase. That's why I gave her a pass when she jokingly said it to me. But I did not give the guy who sits next to me in shul a pass when he said it when I walked into shul last Friday night. Nor did I give him a pass when he said it again right before Kabalas Shabbos. Nor did I give him a pass when he said it after davening. Let's just say it's a good thing I went somewhere else for shacharis the next day (another benifit to NY, all you one-shul OOTs).

My hatred for this phrase dates back to early 2010 when I flew in for a friends wedding, arrived at the chosson's tisch, and gave him (the chosson, not the tisch) a huge hug. He responded with the dreaded phrase of death to which I responded "stop bragging." This is because no matter how genuine you intend on sounding, it always comes out negative, especially if you found your "by you" recently.

Now, I'm sure there are many of you out there who are shocked an appalled by my dislike for the Dreaded Phrase of Death. "It's such a nice thing to say," you are probably saying. Well, either you haven't started dating, already (at least) engaged or are in a small minority of those remaining. There is no correct way of saying it. Don't do it. DOWN WITH THE DREADED PHRASE OF DEATH!!!

Back

2010-08-24T12:21:00.002-04:00

Well, I have returned from my Two-moth vacation. It's nice to return to 436 unread posts in my reader. You can now look forward to more of my rants and thoughts on every day life. For now- unpacking!

Ta Ta for Now

2010-06-27T02:36:00.002-04:00

Yes, I am going to be away for some time now. Off to a place where there is no internet, no email and obviously no blogs. I will miss you all, and I hope to see you again in a few months. Have a great summer.

Cowboy Hat Guy

2010-06-17T15:20:00.004-04:00

Every Young Israel has a Cowboy Hat guy. Why does he do it? Is it to stand out? Is it a fashion statement? Is it to annoy all of the black hat and non-black hat wearers? Is it to somewhat fulfill his dreams of becoming an actual cowboy?

Whatever the case may be, one thing is for certain: he will always give reason to stare. Let's face it. It's a cowboy hat. It's from Texas. It's big. There is no way you are going to be davening next to one of those things or in the same row as one of those things or in the same hemisphere as on of those things and not stare at it like a confused chimp. That's what it's there for.

The Cowboy Hat Guy in my "Young Israel" had the outfit accessorized. He wore a giant belt buckle and a bolo tie. Oh, and did I mention he was 6'8"? Everything about him screamed "TEXAS!"

Except he is from Long Island.

Seen on a Cake at a Graduation

2010-06-15T23:16:00.000-04:00

"Write on Cake Happy Graduation Class of 2010"

Some people were just born to entertain the rest of us.

Inten City- Population: Me

2010-06-15T02:04:00.005-04:00

Well, it's happened. Someone pointed something out to me about myself that I had known to be true, but didn't know how bad it was. On this blog, I rant all the time. That is because I tend to notice a lot of things that deserved to be ranted about. However, it has been brought to my attention that I can get to be a little let's call it tense, or rather intense.

We all remember learning vocabulary in school. I always used to notice how right after we recieved a new word, it tended to pop up everywhere I turned. I can distinctly recall this happening with the word "flabbergasted." The week after I obtained that word into my repertoire, I saw it six times in a week.

The same is true for this intensity about me. I notice it a lot more now. I notice how I let things get to me. I notice how it affects me and those around me. I now know that it can cause me physical pain. And it's not everything, and it's not all the time. It's in select moments of higher emotion. Now that it was pointed out to me, I see it; I feel it; I know it's there.

So now I'm faced with a task. I need to learn how to calm down. I wish I could follow Bob Newhart's advice and just stop it, but it's not that simple. So I turn to you, internet. Any ideas how I could nip this in the stage following the bud? Don't mention any meditation methods or I ight blow a gasket.

Remembering the 90s

2010-06-02T20:59:00.003-04:00

Like many of you, I ended up in a class that I found thoroughly boring. I mean, my mind was completely shut down during this class. Fortunately for me, my class was in the area of Media Studies (an area in which I am completely interested, but had a terrible professor) and through no credit of her own, the professor gave me a tremendous idea during the class.

So I decided to write down all of the things I remembered from the decade in which I grew up (1990s). Here's what I remembered in the span of an hour and a half. You are welcome to add anything to a list or create your own list.

NOTE- Anything that was already a huge deal in the 80s or did not become a huge deal until the turn of the 00s (I don't know how to abbreviate that) was left out.

Toys
Tomagachi/Nano
Furby
Polly Pocket
Yo-Yo craze
Pogs
Beanie Babies
Skip It

TV Shows
Fresh Prince of Bel Air
Whose Line is it Anyway?
X-Files
Seinfeld
Everybody Loves Raymond
Freinds
Power Rangers
NBA on NBC
Walker, Texas Ranger
Bobby's World
Mad About You
Will and Grace
Animaniacs
Pinky and The Brain

News Stories
OJ Simpson
Columbine Shooting
Dotcom Crash
Y2K
First World Trade Bombing
Olympic Bombing
Oklahoma City Bombing
Amadou Diallo
First Intifada

Sports Stories
Tanya vs Nancy
Jordan Retires Twice
Yankees Threepeat
Bulls Repeat Threepeat
MLB Introduces Inter-league
Dream Team David Wells Perfect Game
David Cone Perfect Game
MLB Strike
McGwire and Sosa
Rangers End Curse
Browns Move to Baltimore
Magic Johnson Tests HIV Positive

Music
Metallica
Jenifer Lopez
LL Cool J
Brittany Spears
Run DMC
Randy Travis
Radio Disney
Nirvana
Pearl Jam
Backstreet Boys
'n Sync

Movies
Toy Story
Lion King
Braveheart
Titanic
Erin Brockovich
Gladiator
Jerry Maguire
Aladdin
Something About Mary
Little Giants

Celebrities
Jerry Seinfeld
Bob Saget
Rosie O'Donnell
Macaulay Culkin
Adam Sandler
Bill Clinton
Bo Jackson

Ad Campaigns
Wazap?
Budweiser Frogs
pets.com puppet
Did somebody say McDonald's?
Like a rock - Chevy

Technology
AOL Keyword
askjeeves.com
Napster
Floppy Discs
Web TV
Cell Phones

I have definitely left things out. I also realize that this is slightly New York-biased. Forgive me. This is my childhood; not yours. If you don't like it, make your own list (or add onto mine).

Utopian Children

2010-05-28T17:23:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I went to hear some of the most talented children in NYC read excerpts from their own original stories. (In case you were wondering, yes it was on a date.)

There is a terrific place in the Manhattan called "Writopia Lab." It is a place where children of all ages who are interested in writing can go to develop skills, get their ideas onto paper, or just explore their own imagination. I have visited the lab once and it is truly a terrific environment. The children don't sit at tables with a paper and pen; they sit in nice comfortable couches with laptops. They are not limited to what they can write. They are encouraged to take their own ideas and mold them into a story.

Yesterday was their end-of-the-year finale event where almost 100 kids of all ages came to perform their excerpts. While the stories were incredible, the program was very well-run and the format was exceptional, I would like to focus on something that I saw there that is often difficult to find in adults, much less in children. The ability to perform in public takes guts, especially from a kid who speaking to an auditorium full of people that he or she has never even seen before.

Earlier in the day I attended my college graduation. I was actually a little embarrassed when the valedictorian delivered her address. While she seemed confident, she paused a few times for laughter (her own) and sounded like Pip from "Enchanted." It was bury-your-head-in-your-face time for every graduate in my row.

The point is that these kids were so impressive in their ability to speak in front of a large audience. I don't know if they were trained for that, or simply trained in confidence, but they clearly were not shaken by the size of the room.

If you are between the ages of 9-17 and want to go into writing or have or plan on having children between those ages, and want them to try to express their own creativity, Writopia certainly has my endorsement, and if you can't trust an anonymous blogger on the internet, who can you trust?

Help is on the Way!

2010-05-28T02:35:00.003-04:00

For those of you new to this blog, first of all where have you been? Secondly, you should know that I have a bit of a problem with sarcasm. Well, the high-tech world of computer geekistry is here to help:

http://news.discovery.com/tech/sarasm-online-computer-program.html

Hat Tip: a s

The Burning Nussach Question

2010-05-24T01:41:00.002-04:00

This past Shabbos, the older of my two younger brothers (Hotdog) davened Shacharis for the amud. Now, being that Shavuos had just passed, Hotdog's Tefilah mind was still on the nussach for Shalosh R'galim. He startes Shochen Ad with its incorrect melody. This mistake caused me to glance at the younger of my two younger brothers (Hammy) and snicker about the incident (much like Hotdog and Hammy do to me when I crack while davening for the amud. However, I was a little taken aback when the gabbai walked up to the amud and asked Hotdog to change to a regular Shabbos nussach.

Later on in the Tefilah, my brother once again accidentally switched the nussach. This time, it was by the end of Kedushah. This time, the Rav leaned over and told my brother what nussach he should be doing.

Here is my question: How important is nussach. I am not talking about the words (i.e. words that are different for nussach Ashkenaz and nussach Sefard). I am refering to the tune that the chazzan uses for a particular tefilah. Who decides when to correct it?

If I were to use the Shabbos Mincha nussach during the week would people correct me? I happen to know that the answer to that question is 'no.' I did that in the very same shul with the very same Rabbi and the very same Gabbai. Nobody corrected me. What makes one nussach change more imperative to correct than another? What would have happened if my brother would have continued in that nussach? Would we have been required to duchan? What's the big deal with nussach?

Quote of the Chag- Shavuos

2010-05-21T01:04:00.001-04:00

"Yeah, my Zaida likes to read the obituaries; it's like his onlysimchas."

-MZ

The Story that Just Won't Go Away

2010-05-17T12:30:00.002-04:00

Well, if you remember from a few weeks ago, I got a ticket. No, it wasn't for speeding or talking on the phone or smuggling in illegal aliens. It was for having tinted windows. Now, tinted windows are legal in most states and it is an extremely minor offense. In fact, it was supposed to be quite easy to get rid of this offense simply by removing the tint and showing the officer who issued the ticket (which I have already done, and have a signed document from said officer).

Supposed to be.

This weekend, I received a letter from the good ol' DMV saying that I now have a court date in August. I must come to this court date and argue that I should be exonerated of all agressions against a police officer (not a cop) who has already agreed with me. Oh, and if I don't show up, I lose my license.

There is one alternative. I could simply pay the $90 ticket and not have to go to court. I love how money solves everything.

Oh, and of course, I will be away in August. So on Friday I must go down to the DMV and find out if there is a way of switching the date or having someone else go for me or burning it down. Wish me luck.

Mr. Grammatarian

2010-05-14T18:09:00.005-04:00

A friend of mine sent me this well, let's call it an essay. He wrote it about 5 months ago and posted it on Yeshiva World where nobody understood it. So here it is:

If you happen to run into a specialist in any field although he is very competent in his area of expertise he doesn’t usually proceed to ram his expertise down your throat. I have never received an unsolicited strep test from a doctor on the subway, nor has a fashion designer come strutting over to me and said “you would tho much better in a pink thirt, theriouthly”. But English Teachers, feel that the reason that they are placed on this earth, is to rid the world of people like me, I mean I….wait is that a proposition following a statement or a statement following a proposition, I think I dangled my participles also, what the heck is a participle anyway, it sounds like a part of the human anatomy, “Mom, Joe broke his participle, quick call a doctor. What? You can’t. Oh he’s giving you a strep test.” (this paper just went from a A+ to a B- because of this long digression). So here we go, this my official thesis statement, which I know should have gone at the beginning of the paper but I DON’T CARE!!!!!

I hate English Teachers, I the way that they feel the need to correct your grammar even when you are not in the classroom, or in their class, or even if you don’t know who they are. How many times have you found your self telling humorous anecdotes to your friends starting off with the words “Me and Yoel”, and before you even wind up for the punch line some English teacher will appear miraculously out of nowhere (he wasn’t part of the original conversation, which included my friends, English Teachers have no friends) and he will pull his pants up high and proclaim “Not me and Yoel, Yoel and I” and proceed to put his finger back in his nose. Do you feel better? Has a major evil been righted in the world? Will you be able to sleep at night, or will you toss and turn wondering which under privileged children in Africa might not ever even know the difference between a colon and a semicolon (Is a semicolon when you get half your colon removed, and is colon that man perfume stuff).

So please all you English teachers who lurk in the shadows of our conversations who wait for us to fall into the inevitable pitfalls of the English language (and break our participles) please go somewhere far away in Africa where the tribes will hail you as a scholar for your prowess of the English language.

Ironically, this friend called himself Demosthenes on Yeshiva World.

David Horowitz

2010-05-13T01:25:00.003-04:00

In a recent panel discussion in UC San Diego, David Horowitz received a question from a Muslim woman regarding one of his pamphlets.

The first thing that jumps out at me from this clip is that UC San Diego has an annual Hitler Youth Day. That is disturbing enough, but the fact that it's being promoted by a Muslim student organization really irks me. I know that the Nazis were allies with the Arabs during WWII, but I didn't think that Muslims believed that it would remain that way once Hitler was through with using them. He would have turned on them once they had served their purpose.

The second thing is that this girl thought that she would be arrested for verbally backing Hamas. I wish. But she does have a point. Once the US government has a suspicion that someone could be linked to terrorism, they could monitor him or her. I'm glad of that. And if this administration still considers Hamas a terrorist organization, she should be expected to be followed now.

I was a little annoyed that Horowitz didn't answer the question he was asked. Yes, I know he said that the rules of the Q&A were that the participants ask their questions and sit down, but he did gracefully direct the question and the ensuing conversation in the direction he wanted it to go. Once he had exhausted his attack, he didn't even bother to address the question that was asked.

It bothers me and worries me that there are people who openly believe that they hope that the Jewish people will gather in Israel so it will be easier to track us down. I hate the fact that this is allowed to happen without a major uproar from the Jewish community. If this was an attack on the black community, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson would be out in San Diego right now, urging the University to expel this student, who wisely gave her name for the internet to know who she is. But alas, it was against the Jewish people who are apparently not allowed to complain about such things. Maybe we should just hand out pamphlets.

Framed!

2010-05-12T02:24:00.007-04:00

How hard is bowling? I know. I bowl like once every two months, but that's not what I'm talking about. People make fun of Olympic curlers all the time for not playing a real sport and getting credit for just that, but how difficult would it be for me to train for like five years and become a professional bowler? It can't be that difficult. Even a 12-year-old can do it.

May 11 (Bloomberg) -- Kamron Doyle has gone from birthday party bowler to money-winning professional in little time.

Doyle, a 12-year-old from Brentwood, Tennessee, became the youngest bowler to take home a check at a Professional Bowling Association tournament, the association said in a news release.

Doyle, bowling as a non-member, earned $400 two days ago after finishing 30th at Georgia’s Canton Open regional tournament. The money will go into a scholarship account.

The sixth-grade student had a 215.1 average, bowling 13 games in a 94-player field that included some of the top national tour professionals from the organization’s south region. Reigning PBA Player of the Year Walter Ray Williams Jr. won the event.

“I just practice and bowl in a lot of tournaments,” Doyle said in the release. “There’s no secret -- just go out there and do it.”

Doyle discovered the sport while attending a friend’s bowling birthday party as a 7-year-old, according to his mother, Cathy.

“After that, he was hooked,” she said in the statement. “Before we knew it, he was bowling three days a week and at this point I think he’s got about 60 bowling balls.”

Doyle is the youngest bowler to roll a U.S. Bowling Congress-certified 800 series, with a 279, a 278 and a 245 for a three-game total of 802 as an 11-year-old. He’s had two perfect 300 games.
The PBA is made up of more than 3,800 bowlers from 13 countries who compete on the PBA Tour or Regional and Senior Tour events.

This can't be all too difficult if a kid can rank 30th in a State. If I tried, I could learn the technique. All that is required in bowling is the same motion 12 consecutive turns. How hard could it be. There is no defense. There is no clock. There is no sand trap. It's the same thing over and over again. How hard could a sport be if drinking beer can only make it better. (No offense, golf.)

It's something to think about. I think I should work on an actual career before I allow myself to become a pro bowler.

Quote of the Month - May

2010-05-09T19:52:00.003-04:00

At a rally for the State of Israel:

"When President Obama says that Israel cannot build in Jerusalem, our response should be 'YES WE CAN!'"

- Councilman Jim Gennaro

The Shusher

2010-05-06T16:41:00.002-04:00

Aaah, the Shusher. One of my favorite people in the Young Israel. The Shusher has made it his (or her) responsibility to make sure that the Shul remains quiet during davening.

Here's the thing (that I am sure most of you can figure out): The Shusher tends to make more noise and be more disruptive than the people that he or she is trying to shush. I tend to be able to tune out random mumblings of dialogue from my neighbors, particularly because they are speaking on the same decibel level as the davening mumblers. It is quite easy to tune them out. The Shusher, on the other hand, is impossibly annoying to keep out of my head. While the Shusher believes to be doing a service for the shul, he or she tends to be the most annoying, noise producing, impossible to reason with member of the shul.

Case in point.

In one of the "Young Israels" I frequent, the Shusher is on the other side of the mechitza and generally pokes her head out from behind the curtain and proceeds to do her shushing duties quite superciliously. One guy who sits near me had enough of this and began to shush her for shushing too loudly. This sparked a nice war in the shul.

There is a Shusher in another "Young Israel" I frequent that I don't like, partially because of his arrogance, partially because of his confrontational attitude, partially because of his perpetuity to be wrong in his accusations. I have been the victim countless times of being falsely ridiculed by this particular Shusher. There have been many times when I have seen him talking during davening, and just wanted to go ever to him and shush him. I have yet to muster the courage, but I know there will be more opportunities.

For the time being, don't be a Shusher. Don't be the cause for a Shusher to do what he does. Come to a shul and daven.

Public Relations

2010-05-04T20:13:00.003-04:00

I have to say something about Jews behaving in public. As long as I have been educated, I have been given two reasons for this. The first is that people look at Jewish people as if to expect something better; as if they represent a higher authority. This version plays well into the Chillul Hashem concept. The second reason is that the world hates Jews and it is up to us to change the perception of that. Public image is everything.

Here's my issue: Do others really have that perception of us? Do people who don't believe in our religion (and in fact may think we are wrong altogether) think that we represent G-d? Do they believe that we are a people who are better than they are in that regard?

If you are going to say that the reason to behave in public is that they hate us and are looking for more reasons to hate us, is THAT really true? Do you think we are hated more than any other minority in the world? Do you think Muslims don't tell their children the same thing: "the world hates us, so don't give them more of a reason to." Bill Cosby is always griping that this is why black people are hated. Are we more hated than they are?

This all came about because of a recent story that a friend of mine told me. She is a waitress at a semi-fancy restaurant. One day, a pair of frum mothers came in with their rambunctious children to have lunch. The children (there were seven between them) were running around the restaurant while the mothers were complaining about the service, why it was taking so long to deliver the simple food they had ordered and why the waitress was taking care of other tables before their food was delivered.

Obviously, this is not proper behavior for anyone, but what I didn't understand is why my friend kept hitting on the fact that these were frum women who represent an entire nation and are being judged by the gentile staff. The whole time she was telling me this story I was thinking "Hello! Haven't you ever seen movies or watched TV shows or heard news stories or listened to stand-up comedy that hits on this very topic?" It's not that people are judging frum Jews (or Jewesses in this case). They are complaining about obnoxious customers who need to have anything they want. After all, they are paying.

I just tend to think that people get too carried away in what they represent. Stop thinking that you have to behave well because you are representing a larger group. Be a decent person because you are representing yourself, and if you don't have the self-respect necessary to that, well then maybe you shouldn't venture outside the confines of your own home.

Mincha Meyhem

2010-05-02T00:35:00.002-04:00

My travels took me back to my old high school for Mincha this past Shabbos. If there's is one thing I hate about returning to places that i haven't been in a while, it's repeating the same thing over and over and over again to a bunch of people who I haven't seen for months and won't see again.

They ask me what I am doing now- college, work, etc. and it's not as if they care; they are just trying to make conversation. But here's the problem:

I CAME TO DAVEN MINCHA!

If you want to catch up with me, call me, come to my home, find me on the street. DON'T TALK TO ME DURING DAVENING!

I try to brush such people off when they ask me how things are doing with a simple "you know, same ol' same ol.'" But they respond with "what was that again?" I don't want to have to go through with each person where I'm up to in college, how my job is treating me, where I am learning, how my dating life is (for some reason it's their business). I came to daven at the most convenient minyan available. Clearly, it inconvenienced me more than I thought it would.

Note to anyone who goes to shul: Please daven. It's what you came for, not to catch up with people. If you want to talk, don't talk to me.

One Guy Named Ira

2010-04-29T21:15:00.002-04:00

I don't know what it is about Young Israels, but there is always on guy with the name "Ira." Ira is usually not very loud, but can have a conversation with anyone about anything. You just have to find him. He won't just come over to you and start chatting.

Ira is generally well liked and doesn't cause much of a fuss in shul. However, once in a while, Ira will get upset about something and make a point. A point which everyone will consider wise simply because Ira made it, and Ira never speaks out unless it's important.

I thought the "Ira" tradition would die slowly within the next forty years or so, simply because the name is kind of outdated. However, I was recently at a bris where the child was given some name like Getzel. When the father was asked what they were actually going to call him, he replied, "We'll probably use his English name, Ira."

Awesome. The tradition lives! So if you are going to be in a Young Israel this Shabbos, make sure to go over and give your local Ira a great big "Good Shabbos." Then talk to him about anything you want. The man knows.

Carp

2010-04-27T00:23:00.003-04:00

In the past I have written about how I value friends. Today, I would like to write about one in particular. You have all heard about the guy who will do anything for a person. Well, this guy (who will now be know as Carp) goes well above and beyond the call of a true friend.

Take for example what happened today. I was leaving work in the downpour here in New York. I had no umbrella, raincoat, hat or any other protective wear. I asked around if anyone had anything to lend me. Carp did. He gave me what he called an "extra" umbrella. Later on, I received a text that Carp was walking to his car in his davening jacket. He had lent me his only umbrella. The irony is that I only needed it to walk to and from my car as well.

This wasn't the most amazing thing he has done for me in the last few months either. If you live in or around New York (or in Baltimore where it was worse), you can remember the absolutely insane blizzard we had this winter. Well, that night I attended a wedding in Brooklyn. I had no car available to me and even if I did, I had no intention of driving in the storm. I took the train. The subway ride was about an hour and a half from my house. The drive would have been 25 minutes. I arived at the wedding hoping to find a ride home, but knew my options were slim because most of those who drove had a full car. Carp was there and offered to drive me home. Carp lives in Brooklyn. He drove me and three others who were looking for a ride through the blizzard, back to queens.

Here's the kicker: he's not even a close friend. He doesn't consider me a really close friend, nor do I consider him one. We are just friends who would do regular friendly stuff for each other. He just considers this to be "regular friendly stuff."

Oh, and ladies, to answer your question, yes, he is single.

Why Contraversy?

2010-04-21T19:33:00.005-04:00

Yom Ha'atzmaut. Why must it be so controversial?

The purpose of this post is not to state my beliefs regarding the day, rather to bring up some random comentary on it.

1)Hashkafa - If it wasn't during Sefira, it would be a lot less controversial. Duh. People would be more likely to want to celebrate a holiday during Sefira that was not instituted by a universally accepted sanhdrin, especially if said holiday was crammed with music, dancing and celebration.

2) Halacha - As mentioned above, Yom Ha'atzmaut presents issues regarding Sefira and mixing it with celebrations. This wouldn't be a problem for those who actually believe the holiday to have the power to override Sefira on a regular year. However, this year specifically just rubs me the wrong way. Yom Ha'atzmaut fell out on a Monday this year, but the fact that people were going to be Mechalel Shabbos to set up for Yom Hazikaron (which falls out the day before) pushed both days off one day.

No other Chag has this halacha of being pushed off due to the fact that the prep on the day before will lead to Michalel Shabbos. In fact, we see that if any other Yom Tov falls out on Shabbos, we celebrate it on that day, minus certain key elements of the chag (i.e. Shofar on Rosh Hashana; Arba Minim on Succos). Other days like fast days get pushed off entirely.

Now I'm all for preventing chillul Shabbos, but you can't simply break the Halachos of Sefira because a holiday fell out inconveniently. Celebrate the holiday on the day that it was supposed to be celebrated. This is not an American holiday that we celebrate on a Monday or Thursday (and not a particular date) because we want a longer weekend. It's independence day. Even we Americans had the common sense to make that holiday on an actual date and not change it. Ever.

3) Strife - I hate the fact that this day, that is supposed to be a celebration of a great time in our nations history divides us more than it brings us together. Some say full Hallel with a b'racha; some say it without a b'racha; some just don't say Tachanun; some treat it as a regular day; some say selichos; some tear K'riyah (really). It's insane. This is not what this day should be about.

4) Confusion - The holiday is the commemoration of a nation gaining it's freedom. Why can't people acknowledge this? Charedim in America acknowledge July fourth as Independence Day. Why can't charedim in Israel at least acknowledge the day as an Independence Day without the Yom Tov part of it? There was a war. Somebody won. Against all odds. Hello!

Anyway, I'm sorry this came out so late, but I just wonder things like this all the time, and I figured better late than never.

Shaving During Sefira

2010-04-16T08:53:00.004-04:00

There is a common question about shaving during Sefira and its shaving implications. Obviously, this is only in regards to those of us who are male and don't already have a reason to shave for Sefira (i.e. job, etc.). After making keen observations and consulting Rabbinic authorities, here is what I have learned so far:

1) If you are not dating someone prior to entering Sefira, DON'T! It's too much of a hassle. Do I shave? Don't I shave? What about finals? Tax season? Its all too much! If you are a guy, just don't start it.

2)If you must date, then you have to consider some things. If she is the type of girl that will be put off by the fact that you didn't shave, then you may shave.
- Even if you have been dating for some time, this rule applies. There is no statute of limitations on the shaving rule.
- If it is the first date, you might want to assume that she's the type of girl who cares.

3) The rules of shaving during Sefira are not the same as the rules for shaving during the Three Weeks. This is because the Aveilus for the Three Weeks is equivalent to that of Shloshim and the Aveilus for Sefira is equivalent to that of Yud Beis Chodesh.

4) If you are a girl, please don't care about whether or not your date shaves. It's easier not to shave and it would really cut down on our prep time. But you should still take your regular six and a half hours of prep. We deserve it.

5) Not all of these opinions are shared by every Rabbinic source. Please consult your LOR for these and all other shaylas. And please, when you reach the end of your 120, and you show up in heaven and they ask you why you shaved during Sefira, do not say yo read that this was the halacha that you read on a blog and therefore you thought it was mutar. I take no responsibilty for your other world repercussions.

The Yek

2010-04-15T11:59:00.002-04:00

Every Young Israel has a Yek. It's a fact. The person doesn't even have to be an actual Yeckie to qualify. There is generally one main qualification:

On Friday afternoon, at 7:14, the Yek will run into the lobby shouting "ONE MINUTE TO MINCHA! LET'S GO! EVERYBODY INTO THE POOL!"

There are other things the Yek of the Young Israel will do, like when the guy who is davening Pesukei D'Zimra is going a little slow and will probably not make it in time for Z'man K'riyas Sh'ma, the Yek will go over to him and quietly (but with a lot of grandiose arm motions) implore him to go faster.

He will also generally be the one to first correct the Ba'al K'riyah when he makes a mistake. It's not that he wants the credit for it, he just doesn't want to wait any longer than absolutely necessary to get through leining.

A quick shout out to all the Yeks out there. This one's for you!

NYPD - A Work in Progress

2010-04-12T00:17:00.003-04:00

Today I got pulled over by a cop. Before I continue, I would like to confess that I was guilty as sin. I disobeyed the amazingly logical law of New York State - one of the ten states with such a law - but a law nonetheless - one that I violated - outright - no excuses.

Here's what happened: I was driving my mini van (the same mini van I have been driving for three years) in Queens (the same Queens I have lived in for said three years (and then some)). Of course, I hear and see the dreaded Lights and Sirens of Doom. I look at my chest where my seat belt was. I look in my hand where my cell phone was not. I look at my speedometer to see that I was well below the limit (was that the problem?) of a normal street.

He asked to see my license, registration and proof of insurance, which I handed over.

"Sir, I pulled you over because it's illegal in New York State to drive a car with tinted windows."

"Oh," I responded.

"Sir, are you aware that this is illegal," he asked as the steady line of unlicensed, unregistered illegal immigrant drivers sped past us, hoping that the police officers wouldn't see them stashing the heroine into the barrels of their assault rifles with the hand that wasn't holding the half-full bottle of Colt 45 (not that I'm bitter).

"No, I have been driving this car for three years, and it's a 2001 model so it has been on the road for 10 years."

"Yeah, well it's legal to have these in 90% of the states, but not in New York."

It turns out that he was right, I know this because when I told my father what happened, he was as shocked as I was, but in a more - let's call it 'colorful' - way. When he was done being colorful, he called the local precinct to be colorful with them as well, and he found out that the officer was, in fact correct, and that other officers until now were ignoring it, i.e. not bored enough, i.e. did not need to fill their WORD HAS BEEN REMOVED BY NYPD.* Did I ever mention how much I love New York?

In the end, all we need to do is take off the tint (it peels right off) and then take the van down to the precinct and have a little show and tell. Then we get the ticket off. I plan on coming with a tarp so I can cover the van until the right moment and then unveil the illegality-free mini van! Wish me luck.

*Motto: "Ignoring the 5th amendment one blog at a time."

The Text Message Song

2010-04-11T11:10:00.002-04:00

In case you're new to this blog and you do not know that I am vehemently anti-texting, I am vehemently anti-text messaging. I have posted this song elsewhere in the past, but it is time to bring it into this blog. It doesn't explain everything that is wrong with text messaging, but it does do a lot.

So there is just a little sampling of my hatred for texting. I loath the day that I will be forced to succumb to the pressures of the world and get unlimited, but until then, I can complain.

(I will complain even when that day comes.)

Avoiding Explaining

2010-04-09T00:55:00.002-04:00

In case you haven't noticed, most of my posts lately have not been about the shidduch dating scene. That's because my mind just hasn't been focused on that recently. I generally post on what's on my mind. However, a friend of mine just brought something up that happened to him and it brought me back to a time when I was going through the exact same thing.

It is so difficult to explain the way i date to a non-frum relative.

How do you explain to them the reason that you don't ask girls out and wait for them to be set up with me?
How do you make it make sense that you can date three girls in a month (let alone a week) and it's completely normal?
How could I explain to them that I had to break up with someone because she's on a different "level" of Judaism? "Orthodox is Orthodox, right?"

Now, this issue is complicated enough, but I remember the first time I had this conversation with my uncle. I had just gotten out of a relationship with a girl that I had liked, but because of halachic complications (I am a kohen), we had to break up. My uncle was beside himself.

"Wait a minute," he said. "You liked her?"

"Yes."

"She liked you?"

"I think so."

"And she was Jewish enough for you?"

"Well..."

"What do you mean 'well?'"

"She is Jewish enough, but I just can't marry her, so i won't date her and she won't date me. Period."

"Whatever. I don't understand you guys."

You see, I know it's not my responsibility to educate my non-frum relatives, but it just gets frustrating when it comes to something like this, where I need to find someone whom to relate and it can't be someone to whom I relate.

This discussion led to another discussion about what I am looking for in a girl.

"Well," started my uncle. "I guess the first thing is that she has to be Jewish."

I had thought that this was obvious from the conversation that segued us into this conversation, but I went with it. Now I had never thought of that as something I am looking for. It was more of a prerequisite. I guess most of the other stuff wouldn't exactly work if she wasn't Jewish. It was just never an option for me like it was for him. "Yes. That is the first thing. I will try to not date a non-Jew."

It usually gets frustrating trying to explain my lifestyle to my non-frum relatives. Difficulties include Shabbos, Tzitzis and Shomer Negiyah, but dating is by far the most difficult.

Ba'al Kriyah Assistant or actually, Assistant to the Ba'al k'riyah

2010-04-08T01:40:00.006-04:00

It's Thursday again so it's time for the another PITYI. Today's PITYI is another that made an appearance on Pesach. He is the Assistant to the Ba'al K'riyah. It is his job to assist the Ba'al Kriyah when he gets up to the parts that anyone who has been attending a minyan for the last 35 years should be able to lein, regardless of any leining abilities, background or training.

His favorite pesukim include (but are not limited to):
Esther 6:9, 6:11
Bamidbar 28:24
The entirety of the leinings for a Ta'anis or Rosh Chodesh

He of course does not only choose specific pesukim to help out with, but likes to show his knowledge of leining by the end of each alliyah.

Now, I do jest about certain things on this blog, but this actually has Halachic ramifications. The Kehilah is required to hear leining from someone reading from a kosher Sefer Torah (i.e. The Ba'al K'riyah) and when someone overpowers the aforementioned Ba'al K'riyah by leining any part of the k'riyah oput loud, it can be a serious problem for those who heard the Assistant louder than the actual Ba'al K'riyah or even simply could not discern between the two. I have not figured out a solution to this yet. Ask your LOR.

Anyway, back to the post. The Assistant to the Ba'al K'riyah may leave his mark elsewhere in davening as well. His favorite part is on a chag or when Rosh Chodesh falls out on Shabbos. He loves to be the one to remind the chazan that the nusach changes after kedusha. He is louder at that time than anybody else and to tell you the truth, it has been helpful to me as a ba'al tefilah, so I don't complain about it...much. It's still annoying.

Enough is Enough

2010-04-07T00:39:00.002-04:00

Is there anything more anticlimactic than the last two days of Pesach? I mean, there really should be some more oomph to it. Think about it. On Succos, the last few days are heavily anticipated. There's Hoshana Rabah, Shmini Atzeres and we end off with the huge bang of Simchas Torah. Shavuos is two days, so there is no real let down. But it just seems that by the last few days of Pesach, we just seem to be thinking "can we just get this over with already?"

Even the shiurim change. All of the between mincha and ma'ariv speeches were about s'firah; its halachos, origin, etc. I get it. Those things are very important, but it is still Pesach! Why are we overlooking that fact?

I don't know a solution, but Pesach should not be over before it's over. There should be some sort of minhag on the second days that people should look forward to; something grander than davening Az Yashir out loud in a sing-song, responsive way. It's nice and all, but not something I look forward to.

I have a proposition. It will be the crowning moment of Pesach if on the eighth day, after mincha, everyone in the town will gather in some predetermined location and light a fire (sort of like we did before Pesach) and all together throw their unfinished macaroons into the fire. Then we could have a kumzitz and not have to look at a macaroon again for another year. I would then look forward to the last days of Pesach, because as of now, the last two days are just the only thing between me and and everything bagel with an egg, cheese and fried onion omelet.

Generic Sheva Brachos/ Auf Ruf D'var Torah

2010-04-04T00:54:00.005-04:00

I randomly heard the following d'var torah between Mincha and Ma'ariv this Shabbos Chol Hamoed. It's from R' Mendel Kaufman of the Young Israel of Briarwood and I have no idea why he chose to speak about this on Shabbos Chol Hamoed, but I do appreciate the brand new back pocket d'var Torah that it's always good to have.

We know that there is a mitzvah to be M'sameach Choson V'kallah. This has always been a mystery to me.

1) This is supposedly the happiest day in the lives of a choson and a kallah. Why do they need someone to be m'sameach them?

2) Why is it my job to bring the simcha to them? Who am I? Why should I dress up in a costume, dump packing peanuts on a confused couple or try to rack my brains to entertain them?

The answer is that there is a lesson you are teaching the choson and kallah about sharing. Yes, they are happy, but they need to share that simcha with others. They are about to enter a time when they are going from being alone to gaining a partner (i.e. someone with whom to share things). Up until now, it's been all about me me me. Now it needs to be about us us us.

In fact, this idea is brought out more clearly in sheva brachos. We go through seven brachos without mentioning a key blessing for the newlyweds. The brachos mention the creation of man, simcha for the bride and groom and a number of different types of joy. However there is no mention of the greatest bracha a person can receive-children! Why not? After all, it is the reason we get married, to start a family, right?

Even the bracha of M'sameach Tzion B'vaneha, which mentions children in it is only speaking of the children of Yerushalayim rejoicing in the streets. Why do we not bless the chosson and kallah with beautiful, healthy children in the sheva b'rachos (bayis ne'eman b'Yisrael)?

The answer is that the new couple is not there yet. In their first moments as husband and wife, they cannot yet focus on starting a family. They must first learn to coexist with each other and learn to share with one another. Once they are comfortable sharing, they can spread that middah to their children, but as for now, we don't want the choson and kallah to focus on anything but each other.

As a person who never shies away from bringing in wedding shtick, I had never thought of why I do it. I had assumed that (for the most part) it was something that people enjoyed. But after I heard this, I came to the realization that I don't really do all that stuff for them. I do it for me. I do it because I enjoy seeing people happy. Being m'sameach the choson and kallah isn't only for them. It's for you, too. You help them in learning about sharing; they help you become happy.

On a Plane

2010-04-02T12:42:00.002-04:00

The following conversation took place on an airplane between a Rebbe and his talmid:

Talmid: Rebbe, two years ago I ordered the Rosh HaYeshiva a beer on a flight and he drank it. If I order Rebbe one now, would he drink it, too?

Rebbe: Not if it's going to be a story in two years from now.

The Cool Kid

2010-04-01T01:31:00.003-04:00

So I wasn't sure which PITYI I was going to write about in honor of Pesach, but one ended up sticking out over the first days of Yom Tov.

The Cool Kid.

The Cool Kid is the teenager to which every elementary school kid looks up. There is usually a female Cool Kid and a male Cool Kid for each group respectively, but not necessarily. We all had that Cool Kid in shul to whom we looked up. My Cool Kid was actually my first Youth leader, and is now married with a number of children of his own. I still envy him.

But what makes the Cool Kid cool?

For one thing, his initials are CK. Automatic coolness, but other cool factors possessed by the CK are:

A teenager; usually a Sophomore or a Junior in High School.
A strong following; especially of kids at least 3 years younger.
A reputation for taking on the Scary Man.
Perpetually hanging out in the shul's stairwell.
Has an "in" with the Kiddush Committee; may be seen servin,g chullent.
May lead a youth group such as "Junior Congregation," "Pirchei" or other youth activites, but will always do it lazily.
Does not daven with his/her father/mother; rather attends the hashkama minyan.

I was reminded of this PITYI because the most recent one in my shul returned from Eretz Yisrael for Pesach. He didn't miss a beatas the Cool Kid, but was surprised to learn that nobody had taken his spot. He went right back to wowing his audience with tails of adventure from the Middle East.

If you believe yourself to be a Cool kid and are looking for some impressionable, young minds to corrupt, there is a vacancy at your position in my shul. Boys and girls younger than 15 or older than 18 need not apply.

10 Things Heard While Switching the Kitchen Over

2010-03-28T00:39:00.004-04:00

A special thanks to Erachet for help on this one.

10) "Will these last for 10 days without being refrigerated?"

9) "No. That one is chametz. The blue one is for Pesach."

8) "There is no way we have to clean that! Chametz could never get in there!"

7) "We have a cheese grater for Pesach? We don't have one for all year round! This is becoming chametz next week."

6) "No. That one is fleishig. The gray one is milchig."

5) "How did this all fit last year? Did we buy any new things?"

4) "Have you ever made Pesach before? All the shopping is NEVER done!"

3) "What were you DOING in the bathroom for the last half hour?"

2) "Well, if there's nothing left for me to do, why do I have to stay?"

1) "Are you EATING!? We're all cleaning in here!"

Mr. Procrastination

2010-03-26T16:16:00.002-04:00

The Harmonizer

2010-03-25T18:37:00.003-04:00

Every Young Israel has to have their own Harmonizer. The Harmonizer is the guy who generally does nothing else. He doesn't lain. He doesn't daven for the amud. He rarely gets an aliyah. He doesn't really have much to do with the shul's day-to-day running.

But boy can he harmonize. Or at least he thinks so. Sometimes he can be good at the harmonies; sometimes he is quite poor. But the key thing is that HE thinks he is good, so he keeps on going.

The parts that he generally portrays his skills are:
1) While the Torah is being taken out and put back (especially Etz Chaim)
2) The Kaddish before Musaf
3) If the Chazan sings Michalkel Chaim
4) If the Chazan used the Carlebach Mimkomcha
5) Lecha Dodi
6) Yedid Nefesh

The harmonizer will generally sit somewhere near the bimah so that he could take his position on the side of the bimah when the time calls for it. If you join him in the harmonies, he may give you a weird look and try to sing higher than you. After all, that's HIS job; not yours. Only one Harmonizer per Young Israel.

One of his key traits is being louder than the rest of the congregants. Often the women sitting upstairs or the youth leaders downstairs or the passerbys outside may comment something along the lines of "wow, that guy is trying to do harmony." His goal is to make sure he is known. For what reason? Your guess is as good as mine.

The Harmonizer may tend to assist the Ba'al K'riyah at the end of each aliyah. This may often hurt the congregants in being yotzei the leining, but that generally does not matter to the Harmonizer (not that I'm bitter). Of course, this may not be the fault of the Harmonizer, but does tend to be.

The Harmonizer in my shul knows that he is not very good at the harmonies, and often invites me (who is also not so great) to join him in the harmonies and together we successfully get drowned out by the rest of the congregants. (We are not so loud.) But we like it that way. Once we figure out what it is we are supposed to be doing, we may try some louder harmonies.

On the Education Front

2010-03-24T00:16:00.003-04:00

For those of you who don't know, I am entering into the education field. Being someone who has taught both in a Jewish High School setting and in a New York City public school setting, I want to dispel some of the classic thinking that is associated with both institutions.

Assumption Number One:
Public school students are not as smart as Jewish high school students.

This is not true. There are just as many smart students in the public school system as there are in the a Jewish high school. The difference is the amount of work put in. Often, the publicly educated student will not have as many hours, classes and subjects as a Jewish high school student. This gives the NYC public school student less time on their plate and more time for leisure (not necessarily a bad thing).

Additionally, students found in the Jewish high school are generally more motivated to perform than a NYC public schooler. On average, the Jewish student will come from a more classically complete home, whereas Inner City students may often come from broken homes. This can effect their motivation by not having someone one their backs all the time. I had one public school student who was particularly bright and always participated in classroom discussions despite never doing any of the work for the class. She ended up failing (or at least coming close to it) because she never studied for tests, did her homework or write her term paper.

Assumption Number Two:
Public School kids have more respect for their teachers than Yeshiva high school students.

Again, this is definitely false. Public school kids do not have any more respect for their teachers than do Yeshiva students. It is true that public school kids are easier to control. However, it's not a respect thing. I believe that when people bring this up, they forget one basic idea.

Yeshiva students are difficult to control because they can talk to anyone in class. If Moishe is on one side of the room and Josh is on the other side, Moishe has no reason to feel ashamed of talking to Josh. They both know each other and Moishe has something to tell him, so he will. In a public school, a student will likely not know his or her classmate on the other side of the room. There is no reason to talk to that person. In fact, it is not unheard of to not know anyone in your class. If a student is friends with another student, they are often sitting next to them and a conversation between those two students is much easier to quash than is a cross-room conversation.

In other words, the sense of comfort between classmates is what keeps Yeshiva students more susceptible to trouble-making and is what keeps public school kids in check.

Public School teachers get paid more so they care more than teachers in a Jewish high school.

While the pay scale is true, it's not as high as you think. Remember, teachers in a Jewish school are often not working full time. Full time in the teaching profession is five classes. Even if magically a teacher is giving five classes, he or she is not working five days a week. So even though they are getting paid less, they aren't getting less by much.

Having said that, this is not what translates into caring. A teacher who cares, cares. I've seen public school teachers who don't care. I've seen Jewish high teachers who are some of the best I've seen. It's all in the teacher. The pay scale has nothing to do with it.

The only thing that might have something to with it is the attitude of the school and its administration. If the administration believes secular subjects to be far inferior (and that influences the student's perception) then the teachers will tend to lose interest in teaching. Not because they don't care, but because they will have the mentality of any employee who works for a boss who doesn't care about their employees performance, and that is "why should I bother?"

There are many more assumptions that I would like to deal with, but I believe that these three are good starting points. All of these actual problems are fixable, but they can't be done overnight and the my solutions to them will come in other posts.

And Another One's Gone and Another One's Gone

2010-03-22T18:41:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I posted about my gchat status being "Another one bites the dust." In case you didn't figure it out, it meant that another one of my friends got engaged. Last night, I showed up to an appointment 10 minutes early. For whatever reason, I didn't want to go in early, but I had absolutely nothing to do. As I pulled into a parking spot, I received a call from a close friend I had in high school who I haven't had the chance to speak to recently. It was great to hear from him and I was anticipating the call being

"Guess what?"

"You're engaged?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

But wasn't like that. He asked how I was doing, what I was up to, where I was working, how school is, what about grad school, dating life, the upcoming baseball season, etc. I was truly shocked. He just wanted to call to say 'hi.' I exchanged the questions and we had a nice conversation.

He was off from Yeshiva and wanted to know if we would be able to get together some time. I said "sure." He then asked me what I was doing that night. I told him I was busy, but I'd be available later on in the week.

"Oh. Because I got engaged like an hour ago and I wanted to know if you could come to the l'chaim."

Curses! Foiled again!

I have to hand it to him. He had me completely fooled. I was busy so I couldn't go, but I was touched that he took the time to have a conversation with me before letting me know the good news. That's someone who cares. That's someone who realizes that a situation that should be completely about him isn't about him. It's about sharing the simcha with others. It's about recognizing that although I'm the man of he hour, you're important, too.

Just another one of my amazing friends.

Why Don't you Call?

2010-03-21T14:39:00.001-04:00

"Why don't you call?" is a question everyone hears from their parents or grandparents at some point after they haven't called for about four hours.* My grandparents are no exception. I am always hearing things like "we never hear from you." Or "What? You don't like us anymore? Or my personal favorite, "is that what you think of us?"

For the record, no. That's not what I think of you. Additionally, I think that if I had to calculate the amount of times I've called you in the last year and stacked them against the amount of times you called me, I'd say that I win going away. I'm not complaining, but they did invent the two-way communication device. You can call me, too.

Now, you readers may be saying something along the lines of "but they are your grandparents. It would be the respectful thing to do to call them." True. However, I feel that I call them enough, and if they want to speak more often than that they should call me sometimes instead of complaining about it all the time.

Having said that, my grandfather called me today. He was on line and he saw my gchat status** and wanted to know what it meant. I then realized that my grandfather had the ability to communicate via gchat but didn't know how to do it. The rest of the conversation was me talking to him via instant messenger and him responding through the phone. I have never heard him laugh so hard. He called my grandmother in to see what he was seeing., She was just as amazed. I love old people.

I tried to explain to them how to respond via instant messenger but they were just not getting it. Oh well. If that were the case, I wouldn't have to call them so often. But then I might hear the complaint of "why don't you ever I.M.? rotfl" (because they wouldn't know what that actually means).

**Another one bites the dust

The System

2010-03-19T02:39:00.004-04:00

So I've had the following post in the works for a while, and once I read this post by BJG combined with the comments on a certain quiz of mine, I decided that it was time to take more action.

We all know that the basis people have for setting up their friends can be a little shall we say moronic? But I have a friend who has to take the cake. He has a system (don't we all?) where he rates guys and girls. He has five basic categories (in no particular order):

Hashkafa
Down to Earthness
Personality
Intelligence
Looks

Not a bad starting point, although they are all a bit stale. But a genuinely solid place to start. However, here is where the "system" goes downhill. He rates you in each category and you receive one point for every category in which he deems you have a positive outlook. For instance, if you are solid in your own hashkafa, have a great personality, down to earth and are fairly bright, but you look like Voldermort when he was attached to the back of Professor Quirrell's head,* you get a four. He then pairs fives with fives, fours with fours, etc.

Now I don't have to tell you the endless amount of problems I have with this. I don't really have the time or the patients to go through all of the idiotic issues this "system" presents. I will just tell you that I have been a victim of this system. In fact, it was this guy (and his "system")who had set me up on my first ever date. Let's just say that the only similarities that we possessed
were our numbers.**

Surprisingly, this guy has a success rate of 0 for life (and guys just keep on going out with the girls he suggests), and I don't see this trend ever stopping. I am curious if anyone else has any worse examples of a person with a "system" because this one is the worst that I have seen.

*only with less sex appeal
** I am assuming a five

Tie Guy

2010-03-18T12:03:00.002-04:00

There is always one guy in every Young Israel who comes in every week with a different tie. These could be Loony-Toons-style ties (my father in the late 90s), Disney Character ties, sports teams, or any other random type of neck-wear that basically said the same thing: LOOK AT ME!!!

My favorite all-time Tie Guy was not from any shul in which I had grown up. I had visited a friend of mine in another town and his shul's Tie Guy went all out. He had a custom made tie for each week's parsha. He had them imported from from England. The ties either had some relevance to the parsha, haftora, or some obscure midrash that the guy found (because not all parshiyos are tieable).

I would like to give honorable mention to my shul's Tie Guy who had many a different ties. My favorites included the one shaped like a pizza (worn on Pesach) and the Mets and Yankees ties that were worn on the weekends of the Subway Series (based on the home team of that particular weekend).

In my experience, Tie Guys have the ability to add a more colorful experience to shul going that would exist otherwise. Among a minyan of mostly dark suits (post coming later), it was always nice to see Tweety Bird, Moses or Batman staring straight at you.

On a related note, here is a link to the Tie Guys' web site. Enjoy!

Niroshi

2010-03-17T12:05:00.004-04:00

For the last week or so, my posts have been a little bitter or depressing, so I thought I'd have something a little more upbeat today.

For those of you who don't know me (and even some who do), my favorite show of all time is Whose Line is it Anyway? I watch this show incredibly often adn I know just about all of the youtube clips by heart. I just wanted to share one of the games that no matter how many times I watch, is still funny.

A few things to point out:

1) Wayne Brady is very tallented and may have the best voice on the show, but Brad Sherwood (singing above) and Chip Esten are both better improvisational lyricists.

2) At about 1:15, brad figures out what to do.

3) Reactions in the back are amazing, especially Ryan (the tall one) when Brad shouts "WHY!?"

Keep Your Friends Closer

2010-03-16T23:52:00.004-04:00

One of the strongest beliefs that my mother has is that the best thing a person can have in life is family. Despite how much you anger another member of your family, there is always the possibility of making up. It's not like that with any other group of people. Bridges are constantly being burned, whether its friendship, business or otherwise.

In principle, I agree with this idea. Family is a great thing to have to fall back on. There is always someone to be there for you. I am blessed in this area. There is always someone there for me. However, I am also blessed in another area.

Friends.

I know that at any point I can ask my friends for something and one of them will be there to lend a hand. If I ever need to talk to someone outside my family, I have a plethora of people that I can bother. So in this regard, I don't agree with my mother, and I hope I never will.

One of my close friends relayed a piece of information about his father and his two closest friends. There is a mutual understanding between the three of them that has never been spoken, but is known. If there is a point when any of them needs one another, regardless of availability, they will stop whatever it is they are doing and simply be with the other one. Just to be with him.

Oh, did I mention that the three friends live in different time zones?

That's the kind of relationship I strive for. I have close friends now, but I want the kind where no matter what; no matter when; no matter why I can depend on that friend. I may have this now and not even know it. I don't know. I really hope I never have to find out.

This is not a post to disagree with my mom. I don't need a blog for that. I will eventually have an appreciation post for my parents. This one is for my friends.

Thank you.

Thank you for putting up with me. My idiosyncrasies. My Rabbi-like sense of humor. My immaturity. My moments of depression. My instances of mania. My insensitivity. My senselessness. My self-deprecation. My constant need for attention (yes, I think I have that). All of the other moronic things I do.

It's because of the way that you act towards me that I am able to deal with the real jerks in the world. Just knowing that there are nice people out there gives me a little reassurance.

I hope that I am as close a friend to you as you are to me.

The Frumness Measurement Scale for Girls

2010-03-15T18:39:00.001-04:00

How frum are you?

Well, If you're a guy and you've been reading this blog, you already know. Girls, now it's finally your turn.

So again, if you have ever been asked this question, or even asked yourself this question, now is the time to figure out the answer. Just answer the following questions, refer to the score sheet and PRESTO you will know how frum you are.

Please note: This is the test for girls; for the guy's quiz, click here.

1) Where do/did you go to college?
a. College is a place not befitting a good, frum, Jewish girl
b. Touro
c. State/City College
d. Stern
e. Ivy League

2) Which of the following best describes your Tefilah habits?
a. three times a day, at set times
b. three times a day, when I find the time
c. I daven most of the time
d. I daven sometimes
e. I'm a girl. I don't have to daven.

3) Which of the following best describes your shirt collar?
a. collars. period.
b. Collars aren't necessary, by everything is covered way up to my neck.
c. I cover the collar bone.
d. I don't go too far, but covering the collar is not a priority.
e. whatever won't get me arrested

4) How long is your shemona esrei?
a. over 7 minutes
b. 5-7 minutes
c. 3-5 minutes
d. 1-3 minutes
e. Stop asking davening questions. I'm a girl. Get that through your head.

5) Who makes up you friend list?
a. only girls
b. girls and their husbands
c. mostly girls, but a few guys now and then
d. guys and girls mixed together
e. only guys

6) With which of the following footwear do you most associate yourself?
a. black flats
b. any flats
c. anything cute, but not too flashy
d. Uggs
e. flip-flops

7) Who sets/set you up on dates?
a. shadchan only
b. shadchan/friends
c. friends/jdate
d. I wait for a guy to find me/find one for myself.
e. Hang out by a bar and wait.

8) Which of the following best describes your tv/movie watching?
a. No TV. No movies. Period.
b. I watch a little here and there (mostly on hulu), but never in the theaters.
c. I don't watch much because I don't like the time wasting. It's not a religious thing.
d. I'll watch whenever I want to. I don't restrict myself.
e. I try to watch the most inappropriate shows possible; the dirtier the better.

9) Which of the following best describes a first date?
a. airport/hotel lounge
b. Barnes and Noble/Starbucks
c. dinner at a nice restaurant
d. a movie
a. a bar/wake up the next morning remembering nothing

10) Which of the following best describes your musical tastes?
a. Shwekey and Lipa
b. mostly Jewish music, but I do have my 2 or 3 bands in the secular world
c. I listen to what sounds good; religion plays no part in it.
d. NO JEWISH MUSIC! IT'S TERRIBLE!
e. whatever the club is playing at 2:00 am

OK, now that you've answered these questions, here's how the scoring works:
take 5 points for every time you answered "a."
4 points for every "b"
3 points for every "c"
2 for "d"
1 for "e"

Add them up. This is your Frumness Quotient (or FQ). Post your total below. Since this all has to be done subjectively, I will place the results of the research on a later date. Once enough people have taken this quiz, I will know what the scale is. So send this quiz to as many people as possible to make the research more accurate.

I hope this has answered every question you have ever wanted to know about a girl's "frumness."

Carl Erskine

2010-03-14T21:24:00.004-04:00

If you are reading this blog, chances are you don't know who Carl Erskine is. Carl Erskine is a Hall of Fame pitcher who played his entire twelve-year career with the Brooklyn Dodgers. Now before you turn away from this post thinking that its about sports, let me assure you that it is. However, although the story I am about to relay is a baseball story, the reason I am bringing up is not only in relation to sports.

In the 1951 season, the New York Giants were trailing the Brooklyn Dodgers for first place in the National League by 13.5 games with only 44 games left (a very difficult obstacle to overcome). In those days there were no standard playoffs; the first-place teams from the two leagues played in the World Series. Well, the Giants caught and tied the Dodgers for first place on the last day of the season. Because they were tied, the teams by rule had to play a best-out-of-three playoff series to determine who would eventually lose to the Yankees in the World Series.

The teams split the first two games of the series and had to go to a winner-take-all third game. Of course, the game came down to the final at-bat. The manager of the Dodgers, Leo Durocher, decided to send in a relief pitcher. In the bullpen, there were two pitchers warming up. One was Erksine and the other was Ralph Branca. When Durocher made the call to his bullpen coach, he asked which one looked better. The response was that they were both throwing quite well.

However, Erksine's best pitch was a sinker ball and it tended to dive down into the ground to fool the batter. On that day, Erksine was bouncing this pitch a little earlier than usual. In addition to this slight problem, the Dodger's primary catcher, Roy Campanella, was injured, and the two backups the Dodgers lacked the athletic prowess necessary to block that pitch. The Dodgers decided to put Branca into the game. Here is the result:

Carl Erksine is a Hall of fame Pitcher. He retired with the record for the most strikeouts ina World Series game. He pitched two no-hitters in his career. Whenever faced with the question of 'what was the most important pitch you have ever thrown?' his response is always the same. "The one in the bullpen that I bounced in the dirt during the 1951 playoff game."

Carl Erksine can't get that one pitch out of his head. It will haunt him for the rest of his life despite all of his his accomplishments. Why?

Because Carl Erksine is no different than any of us. He looks at the things that he has no control over and feels helpless against them. I don't know for a fact that this is true about every person in the world, but I am pretty sure that this is true of most people. You sit up late at night, thinking about that job that you don't understand why you didn't get. You wonder why someone broke up with you because you thought it was going fine, but never got a full answer from the other person and now you're just confused. You fear for your friend because he/she is going through something serious and there is just nothing that you can do about it. You're just as helpless as he/she is. It's the same old story. Despite all that is going right for you, you seem stuck on that one thing.

I have news for you. There is not much that you can do to change it. If you dwell too much in it, you will wake up when you're 78 years old, wondering where your life went. I'll tell you where it went. It passed you by while you were worrying things that happened in the past. Things that you had no control over. Things that had no effect on the life you ended up leading. They were just small things that seemed big at the time, but really had no effect on your life as a whole.

If you go through life thinking only about what happened in the past, it will pass you by. If something is bothering you, grab life by the horns and do something about it. If not, get on with it. Forget about things you can't control because if you don't, you will lose control of the things you can.

Camp

2010-03-12T10:55:00.002-05:00

While watching the latest episode of The Office, a commercial came up for camp. Not a specific camp, just camp.

As someone who has been heavily entrenched in camp for a long time, I can tell you that just about all that you see on this commercial is true. Kids look forward to camp. It is their escape from the city life that they are so used to. Kids learn self-esteem; they learn what they are good at; they make friends for life. Some of my absolute closest friends I met in camp, including one who lives down my block (no New York jokes, please). As one of the actors said on the commercial, it was an incentive for him to do well in school, just so he could go back.

All I'm saying is that when it comes time for you to decide whether or not to send your own children to camp, here are a few very strong reasons to send them. And when you do send them, please take as much time in choosing a camp as you would for a school. Maybe more. Because to some extent, a camp molds a child even more than a school might. Remember, when sending a child away for a month, he or she doesn't have mommy and daddy to come home to at night so it is mostly self-discovery.

Scary Man

2010-03-11T12:54:00.004-05:00

Today's PITYI is the Scary Man. You might remember this guy from your younger years, as he generally terrorizes the younger members of the congragation. This is the guy that basically hates kids. No matter what a child does, he is met with a disgusted face from the Scary Man. The expression is usually the same regardless of the transgression committed. He is generally a large and intimidating force that no child wants to mess with. No adult, either.

For instance, a child could be yelled at for eating his or her kiddush chullent on the staircase, preventing others from using the staircase. Or, that same child can be yelled at for taking three steps back during Shemonah Esrei into another person. Although the second example can happen to anyone, when a child does it, the Scary Man seems to be more sensitive to it.

I would like to share a story about the Scary Man from the shul I used to attend as a child. The boys in our shul had the minhag of of going upstairs during the Rabbi's speech on Friday Night and playing "bottle cap soccer." Bottle Cap Soccer was played by having the 25 or so boys divide into two teams and attempt to kick a bottle cap accross a long hallway into the opponents "goal." The goals were the two doorways on either side of the hallway. Seeing as the hall was directly above where the Rabbi was speaking, we tended to create much noise from our game.

One such Shabbos, the Scary Man came to pay us a visit to politely request that we stop. Of course, his way of asking politely included him punching one of our goals and seeing the dust from the aforementioned goals rise out of it not unlike the dust from Nagasaki. We all ran in terror. (duh)

This is just one of the many stories about the Scary Man from my shul. Maybe more another time.

Cliches

2010-03-10T17:56:00.004-05:00

There are many phrases people have used to describe a girl to me. Most of them tell me nothing and the rest no longer have any meaning. Here is a list of the most unuseful and annoying phrases I have seen:

frum
down to earth
smart
sweet
adel
friendly and outgoing
conversational
pretty
growth-oriented
wants/doesn't want a TV

Here are a bunch of ideas that would be more helpful. Granted, some of these are better off beingdiscovered through actually dating, but all are definitely morevaluable than the stuff on the previous list.

motivated
realistic
social
has goals
-and what they might be (optional)
honest (with herself and others)
can joke around
sarcasm level (jk-or am I?)
expections

Please let me know if I am leaving anything out.

Regret

2010-03-09T19:46:00.003-05:00

Have you ever done something that you wish you haden't done? It seemed like the best thing to do at the time, but there were certain consequences that you didn't predict would happen that just mannaged to manifest itself later. You even thought about all of the possibilities. You tried to take everything, everyone, every detail into account. Except the result you find yourself in.

You consulted everyone. Parents, friends, Rabbis, friends, faily, friends, family friends. They all understood. They all gave advice. They all agreed. They all wished you luck. They were all wrong. They were all wrong.

And now you're in a sittuation that you don't want to be in. Don't get yourself wrong, there are certainly things that you don't want to go back on, but there are certain things that worry you. And it's those things that weigh down in your mind, like a trash compactor to a junked car. It just keeps pushing. And pushing. And no matter how hard you try to resolve the issue, it just keeps pushing harder. You know eventually it will be resolved, but for now, nothing else occupies your mind. Not your school, not your job, not the aforementioned people in your life. None of it matters until you figure out how to fix it.

Know what I'm talking about?

Chain Mail

2010-03-09T00:33:00.002-05:00

Like many of you, I despise chain email. However, i found it humorous that my grandmother who sends just about every chain email there is, sent me one recently that i now know is going around. It is a very emotional and inspirational video of the story of a Rabbi in the Holocaust. No. This is not the humor part. The humor part is the link that my not-frum grandparents are ogling over, especially the song.

Is anyone else getting this email? I would assume that it is only being passed around outside the frum world.

At a Bar Mitzvah

2010-03-06T20:52:00.004-05:00

While at a Bar Mitzvah over Shabbos, the father of the simcha relayed the following story about my parents (From now on, I will be referring to my parents as Mr and Mrs. Jones):

Most of you know that for the first 13 years of our marriage, we could not have children. Finally, approximately 14 years ago we were blessed to find out that we could. I had to wait three months before I could let anyone know. In August I called our long time friends, the Jonses, to inform them of the news.

When Mrs. Jones answered the phone, I asked her if she had any plans for March 8th. She was confused and asked me to repeat the question.

"Do you have any plans for March 8th?"

About three seconds go by when all of a sudden Mrs. Jones lets out a screech that was so loud that I dropped the phone. She ran away from the phone for a second to fetch her husband.

"Mr. Jones! Mr. Jones! Pickupthephonenow! Pickituppickituppickitup!!!"

"What's the problem?"

"Willyoujustpickupthephone?"

So Mr. Jones picks the phone up and I go through my whole shpiel again. He didn't get it. I had to come out and say it.

"We're expecting."

"Expecting what?"

I love my parents.

Looks Can Kill

2010-03-05T01:50:00.002-05:00

Is asking for a picture right? Moralistic? Fair?

Sefardi Gal left the following comment on one of my posts, so I decided to turn it into a post of its own:

Jug, I've been thinking of doing it-
but I'm not sure how.
1) Does the shadchan send him my picture and then send me the guy's picture?
2) What if he's just not photogenic? I know that I'm not; I either look GREAT in pictures (to the point that I'm barely recognizable) or ugly/fatter/weird. There's a certain "chein"/charm that many people have in real life, but they lack it in photos.
3) Looks can grow. Someone can be just OK and turn into ridiculously handsome in my eyes if he has great middot and personality. Also, quite the oppositve can happen if he's ridiculously attractive but has a bland or obnoxious personality.
4) People can have expectations based on photos -- for better or for worse.
5) It's hurtful to reject someone solely based on looks. Understandable, but still hurtful.

My Answers:

1) It's up to you how the picture is obtained. I've asked shadchanim straight out. I've been offered a picture. There were a few times when i met the girl prior to going out. Also, it doesn't need to be reciprocated. It's possible that only one side needs a picture. The other side may not ask for one.

2) Unless there was some sort of incredibly obvious problem in the looks department, I never rejected a girl outright because of a picture. I was once handed a picture that was taken in a very professionally posed position with a ton of make-up and the girl was still quite unattractive. There, i said "no."

3) That's true. I had two instances (actually back to back) where looks grew. However, it is not a guarantee and it is not a common to happen as you think.

4) The photo is not for expectation purposes. It is to see if it is worth pursuing. If you go into a date expecting a girl (or in your case a guy) to look like he or she does in a picture, you missed what the picture is all about. Do not judge based on the picture. Use it to get a basic understanding of whether or not there's a chance of going out.

5) This question is the main point I would like to make and I am going to break it into two parts.
a. Nobody is owed an explanation of not wanting to go out anymore until at least the third date. Until the end of the third date, nobody has a right to ask for a reason. Nobody should be expected to give a reason. If you don't want to go out with someone because of their looks, that's your prerogative and that reasoning should remain unknown to anyone but you. This is done to avoid hurting someone. If they hear "he/she is not interested" without an explanation, they can't be hurt.
b. Having said that, it is straight out dumb to believe that you will go through a dating career (let's face it, that's what it is) without hurting people. It will happen. When I first started dating, a friend's wife told me that I better be prepared "to hurt and be hurt" because that's going to happen. Dating is a selfish concept in our world. You are in it for yourself. You need to do what you think is best for you. You can't worry about other people's feelings.

Hypothetically, if you go out with someone who you are just not attracted to, but that person has a great personality and that person is exactly what you are looking for except that you're not attracted to him/her, you may end up in a situation that you can't get out of. You will keep dating this person, hoping that you can look past this fact, but you just can't. You will start questioning yourself as to whether or not you are a good person because you can't seem to get this idea out of your head. You will continue to date this person, growing in your relationship and all the while wishing that you weren't in it. Eventually, you will come to the realization that all along you were hoping that this wouldn't be the person you will be marrying and you will have no choice but to hrt someone. That's what emotions can do to a person.

I'm not saying that asking for a picture is mandatory. As a matter of fact, I would discourage it. It's not for everyone. I didn't begin it until after speaking with my Rebbe about it and we came to the conclusion that it was the best thing for me (for reasons which I will not disclose at this time- maybe later). Asking for a picture is not as simple as it sounds and it could really damage a relationship from the beginning if you're not careful how you go about doing it. Make sure that you know exactly what you are looking for when looking at a picture. Don't just look for whether or not this person is simply attractive. Use it only to weed out blatantly obvious nos.

Here's the bottom line: It took me while to learn that it's not a bad thing to ask for a picture. Most people take it as a normal request. Some even take it as a sign that your honest with yourself. Do not be embarrassed about requesting a picture. Do not try to qualify it or explain why you have to see one. Ask for it as a normal request, as if there is nothing wrong with it - because there isn't.

The Candymen

2010-03-04T12:08:00.003-05:00

That's right, today's "Person in the Young Israel" is actually more than one person. It is two. They are our friends, the Candymen. Now, in most Young Israels, there are two Candymen.

The first one has probably been in the shul since the fall of the Ottoman Empire, but is still visited by free-candy-seeking children. He usually will give out something small like a lollipop or a stick of gum. It's nothing special and children seem to go to him just to keep him happy. They do this in hopes that one day, one glorious day, this Candyman will change his his ways and get with the program set up by the second Candyman.

Candyman number two is a mother's wost nightmare. He will send children home with lemonheadeds, jaw breakers, licorice, now 'n laters, candy corn, gummy bears, hard candy, soft candy, candy that melts, candy that sticks to the sofas until Pesach. This Candyman is THE man. There was one such Candyman in the shul in which I grew up. He used to give out his candy portions based on how many alliyas you followed on Shabbos. Every kid would come up to him after davening and tell him what they followed inside. You would get one helping for every alliya, one for maftir, one for haftorah, one for Mussaf and two if you magically stayed in for the Rabbi's speech. I never did that, but Bar Mitzvahs were awesome because of the extra alliyas. This Candyman was so good that he put all others out of business. No one else dared to mess with him. I don't daven there anymore, but I still visit him when I go back to that shul.

By the way, the original version is much better and slightly less creepy.

Aaaah, the Things We Learn

2010-03-03T22:20:00.004-05:00

I have picked up quite a few things from girls I've dated. I'm not talking about habits like knuckle-cracking or nail-biting, but there were a few things that girls have pointed out to me that I have adapted and even use as my own.

There is one main reason for this to happen. I believe that I take these things on to have one more thing in common with the girl. However, it ends up turning out that I like the thing(s) that I picked up. So I keep it going. It turns out that there is a reason that people like these things.

Here is a brief but complete list of ideas and hobbies that I have undertook thanks to girls with whom I have gone out:

Flight of the Conchords- A girl introduced me to this comedy group and I was hooked for about six months. Then I got bored.

Hilarious vs. Hysterical- A girl introduced me to the idea that people tend to only say one or the other when referring to a humorous story. It is quite rare if you use both.

Guitar Hero- As I've mentioned before in a post that I didn't care to go find, I girl kicked my rear in Guitar Hero, so I learned how to play the game. On a more recent date, I played it again. And lost again, but by less.

Pandora Internet Radio- I did not know about this until a girl introduced me to it. Now, I can't function without it.

List Keeping- Every night before bed, I make a list of things I need to do the next day. They don't always all get done, but just having a list to keep my mind heading in the right direction helps a lot.

Blogging- Yup, I blog because of a girl. While there are a number of girls I've dated who blog (no, it's not you), the one who actually got me into it was one who only read blogs (and commented here and there). I dated her for a little while and thought that it would be interesting if in the future I could get her to unknowingly read my blog. Even after we broke up, I kept it going.

Phone Call Laundry- A girl once told me that while talking to a guy on the phone, she folds laundry to have something mindless to do while having a conversation. I started doing this and it really helped with the phone talk (something I otherwise find quite difficult).

This is everything I am aware of. There may be more. I'll add them in if I figure any more out. Am I in the minority? Do other people pick anything up from their dates (with or without realizing)?

In Case You Don't Hate Me Yet

2010-03-02T22:56:00.000-05:00

I like dating. There I said it. I enjoy every aspect of it. I like meeting new people.

I like talking. I like talking about things that are important to me; things my friends and I have discussed at length that i am now hearing a fresh opinion on. I like hearing other people's interests (even if I'm not necessarily interested in those things). There is nothing worse than a girl with no interests (I've dated them). I like discussing my interests and why I am interested in them. I like finding out about people's goals and explaining why some of mine might be difficult to reach. I like talking about hashkafa and eager to find someone with one similar to my own.

I like doing things. I like doing things that I wouldn't normally do on my own (or even with my friends). I like spending time in Dave and Busters. I like going to basketball or baseball games. I enjoy walking around Barnes and Noble with no intention of buying anything. I like going to museums. I like going to zoos. I hate going to lounges so I never go. I like walking around Manhattan. I like doing these things with people who are or may be important to me.

I like learning. I like learning things about myself. I like understanding myself a little bit better when I get home after a date. I like learning things about myself when I dump a girl. I like learning things when a girl dumps me. I like learning new routs to take (both actual and metaphorical).

I like meeting new people. I like meeting new girls. I like meeting parents. I like meeting friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. Roommates. Acquaintances. Bubbies. Zaidies. I like talking to these people. I like getting to know them.

I like the awkward moments. Let me say that again. I like the awkward moments. I like knowing what makes them awkward so I know not to repeat them. I now know to try to be sure of yourself. To think about what you say before saying it. To come with a backup plan. I like finding out that i have dated the friend of the girl and better understanding the people she hangs out with (this happened more than twice).

I like everything else that I have yet to mention. I like the drive. I like it when she's in the car. I like it when I'm by myself. I like the long ones to Baltimore. I like the short ones to down the block. I like the walking. I like the prep. I like the anticipation. The waiting to hear back. The uncertainty. The implications. I like it all (except for the phone calls; I hate those).

Am I weird?

PS22

2010-03-02T09:21:00.001-05:00

OK, In case you haven't had a chance to check these kids out, here's your opportunity. They are amazing. I first heard their rendition of Matisyahu's "One Day" thanks to A Negative Benefit, and from then on I was hooked. They were invited to perform for the President at the annual tree lighting in the White House. There, they met Celtic Woman, a multi-platinum Irish folk group. The group decided to surprise them and invited the children to perform with them in a concert in Carnegie Hall. This is the video of one of their practices.

The school is located in Staten Island, New York.

Reflections of a Purim

2010-02-28T23:45:00.000-05:00

I'm not an overly-emotional guy. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I also don't mask emotions. I don't have the same expression on my face whether I'm happy, sad angry, etc. I find a happy medium. If there's something that I need to talk about, I will find someone with whom I can talk about it.

This Purim proved to be one of those times when I felt outwardly upset. By just looking at me, people could know there was something wrong. It all started on Motzei Shabbos when I continued my long-standing Purim tradition of going Yeshiva-hopping at night, starting with my own Yeshiva. Due to the fact that I have been out of Yeshiva for a year and a half, I really had nothing to do with the guys who are there now. There were a few still left who were now in a S'micha program but that was it. I felt out of place in a place that I had classically considered to be a home.

I went to two more Yeshivas where I became a part of drunken dancing, and watched a shpiel that I barely understood. Although I hate drunken dancing and shpiels never seem to be funny (even if you get all of the jokes), I felt that I should be a part of it all. It was then that I came to my realization of missing it. I still have my friends. I am still part of a group of people. I just miss the camaraderie that is only available in a Yeshiva setting. I don't have that now and I don't know if I will ever have it again.

Walking around, delivering Mishloach Manos and seeing all of the young families with themes did not help either. They were part of a group to a different extent. They had a closely-knit family and were proud to show it. I'm not saying that my family isn't closely-knit, we just never do things like that. It's not...us. We don't do themes and such. All of this combined (of course) to remind me that I'm still single.

I generally consider myself to be a happy person that people can always rely on to brighten a mood. I don't like being in this kind of a funk. It's just too difficult to ignore sometimes. Right now is one of those times.

I'm Dreaming of a White...Purim?

2010-02-26T16:43:00.001-05:00

I'm dreaming of a white Purim
Unlike the ones I've ever known
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear drunkard's snowballs thrown

I'm dreaming of a white Purim
With every bottle that I drink
May your Purim cause you to think
About this song when you barf into the sink

Go-to Places

2010-02-26T12:22:00.000-05:00

I understand that most people have a "go-to" first date item. For girls, many have a go-to first date outfit. Guys might have a go-to first date place. I've mentioned before that my go-to first date place is Barnes and Noble/Starbucks. Although I am curious what other "go-to items" people might have, that isn't the main part of this post.

I would imagine that the further along we go (in number of dates), there would be less and less people having go-to items for those dates. In other words, fewer guys would have a go-to third date place than guys who would have a go-to second date place. My issue is that I have been on a fourth date with seven girls, so by now I have a go-to first, second, third and fourth date place.

Do I think this is weird? I'm glad I asked. Of course I think this is weird. Why else would I be writing this? I just don't like to give up on things. I have a problem saying to myself that something (major) bothers me and therefore I have to give up on whoever the girl is. I feel like there is always a way to work around it, and it takes me a while to realize that there are some things that are just irreconcilable.

Before I got into dating, a friend pointed out that I will have the opposite problem that most guys face/ Most guys tend to give up on something way too early. I, on the other hand, will wait way too long to give up on something that I should have given up on a long time before. He was right. I have this problem and it is just as big a problem for the guys who give up too soon; they both have major "am I making the right decision?" problems.

I guess this is why I have the go-to fourth date place. I can't help but allowing a large amount of my dates to get to that point.

Rabbi Heckler

2010-02-25T13:53:00.000-05:00

The Rabbi Heckler is a staple of every Young Israel . There is always one guy who has to pick out the one thing in the Rabbi's speach that disagrees with something he has always known to be true (although he has no reliable source to back it up). He must speak up (usually in front of the entire congragation) and make it known that he knows a thing ar two about this particular topic.

The Rabbi will often answer him by telling the RH to speak with him privately, so as not to embarrass him publically. There are Rabbi Hecklers who go over to the Rabbi privately by themselves. They generally save their burning questions for when the Rabbi is done with his sermon. These are more difficult to spot, particularly due to their timing. The only time they are known to others is when those others have a shayla they need to ask the Rav and have to stand beside the RH until he is done with his ramblings.

Amn't

2010-02-24T12:57:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while I will have small ramblings on the English language. This is one of those times.

Why is there no contraction for 'am not?' If you think about it, it just makes sense. I have no specific need for it, but every other word that can have the word 'not' following it has a contraction for it:

isn't
can't
won't
don't
shouldn't
wouldn't
couldn't
shan't
hasn't

These are just off the top of my head. It just seems so easy to do. It should be amn't. As I typed that, my spell check underlined it and I felt sad. I don't know about you, but I amn't going to stand for this anymore. I say we embrace the contraction! I won't back down. You shouldn't either. Join me in my struggle!

Now is the time!

Modern Boy (A Parody)

2010-02-23T22:44:00.000-05:00

For those of you who know a thing or three about Chofetz Chaim, this is a song written by a few of the bachorim in the Queens branch (A.K.A. "The Mothership"). For those of you who don't know anything about it, you may want to start learning for the sake of understanding this song. If I get permission, I will at some point post the names of the writers. The song is written to the tune of "Country Boy" by Abie Rottenberg.

I was raised in a modern home where to college we would go
How I came to Chofetz Chaim's something no one seems to know
I played Game Boy in Tif Mo, my Dad ate Hershey's bars
Each year we'd fly the blue and white on the fifth day of Iyar

My folks werem't happy that I came to this school,
They feared I'd sit and branch forever, against their college rule.
I grew into a man with my unproductive life,
But I'd have to wait 'till 24 before looking for a wife.

Chorus
I was a modern boy around the Chofetz Chaim way,
Learning slow, hocking hard, mussar every day.
Never gave much thought to becoming brainwashed by what I saw
Wouldn't trade my way of life for a rich father-in-law.

One night in the attic in an old and dusty crate,
I found great grandpa's diary. 'Till dawn i read it straight.
Turns out he came from Europe back in 1923,
The star talmud to my surprise of the Slabodka dynasty

I showed it to my parent. They said "son, yes it's true."
But it's just ancient history; don't let it trouble you.
First thing that our grandpa did when he set foot on this land
Was throw out all his neckties, and from Chofetz Chaim he was banned.

Chorus
I was a modern boy around the Chofetz Chaim way,
Learning slow, hocking hard, mussar every day.
Never gave much thought to becoming brainwashed by what I saw
Wouldn't trade my way of life for a rich father-in-law.

I was more than taken back, my thoughts out of control,
I said, "I have to know more," put my college plans on hold.
I drove up to Chofetz Chaim, told some Rabbi what I knew,
He said, "Please let me teach you the only way to be a Jew."

He taught me about Mussar and the Shmuessin - 613
And how we don't need white shirts if we keep the blue ones clean.
Day after day he'd pressure me, "go to Dallas, I know you can,"
He seemed so thrilled when I said, "I guess I'll change the way I am."

They all came out to great me, the Roshei Yeshiva and their crew.
Happy that I came back, and that I liked hocking, too.
They said, "Bochur, while you were in college, we had no doubt,
That we'd buy you a yeshivish car the day that you dropped out."

We each have moments in our lives that show G-d's providence.
Mostly we just shrug 'em off as a mere coincidence.
But when I went to get new plates down at the DMV,
The license plate they gave me read G-E-T-J-O-B.

Chorus
I'm still a modern boy, but now my life's a dream come true.
I study Torah while in college in a place known as YU.
I'm glad I wasn't/ brainwashed by what I saw
Wouldn't trade my PhD for a rich father-in-law

February 10, 2010

I haven't been able to find the song on line anywhere. If anybody can find it and send a link, I'd be glad to post it here.

Update: Here's the original song. Thanks to Son of a Posek

Shana Rishobia

2010-02-23T01:22:00.000-05:00

Son of A Posek came out with his version of what Bad4 has been complaining about for quite a while now. However, this is from the side of the married person. We all know that married people fall off the face of the earth, but this post might do a semi-decent job of explaining why they disappear. If they have to spend this much time explaining why what they just said is not offensive, they will never have time to step outside the house, but that's just the price you pay for Shalom Bayis.

On a separate note, I have no idea how this will translate into a problem for me, what with my disability and all. This may end up beiing a real problem for me, but as of now, I don't have to worry about it. I wonder what else I'll have to worry about in the future. Any warnings from married people?